Raw.

What's wrong with me? I ask myself this when I have something great and push it away because I don't think I deserve it or I may be messing their life up and don't want that to happen. It is never my intention to hurt anyone and I try to communicate openly so that what we have doesn't end or feel one sided. But it seems like I don't know how to really tell you what I want so that makes it look like I'm indecisive. Funny thing I really do know what I want is attainable right at this instant? Possibly.

Seems like I served in the US Military for 8.5 years for nothing and that now that I am out to accomplish my goal in life it keeps being pushed back. One reason or another I can't seem to just stay on top of my game and get this ball rolling in the right direction. Money, time and circumstances all play a role in this. DAMN......

So I am at a crossroad now do I give up on the one thing I want to succeed in life? Do I sustain the greatest thing I have in my life and how do I choose with my jobs I had a decent paying job and I gave it up for another job less pay better hours and environment..... Do I go back to the old job and get stuck? My poor neglected lil bookie, just another issue to add to the puzzle and all the other issues I try to keep bottled in now seem to take a toll on me. Was my decision correct when I got out of the military? What type of toll is this distance taking on my bookie? I'm I stressing for no reason? Is this destroying the great relationship I do have?

I understand no one can answer these questions for me but it is never hurts to hear a suggestion. I know that you are here for me but I feel alone maybe some of the things I have seen and been through are starting to affect me....? I apologize now for any short comings I have brought to the relationship...... Please forgive me and if you can't I understand.

This is me just being true, in other words....

RAW.