Sister

What is a sister to you? To me it is to have someone that knows everything about you, all your hidden agendas, flaws, and strengths, and loves you for who you are. Is this someone that is only related to you? No, we all have sisters, good (real) friends, the ones that take time out for you. I have so many sisters, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for being you. I want to tell my blood sisters Babs, and Kool Points, that without you I don't know what I would do. I love you two and would never want anyone else. You inspire me to be the person I am and trying to be, for that I thank you. All my sisters out there, that have always been there for me through the good, bad and ugly, you already know... Elise, thank you for always telling me not to be scared it is all right to have fun and there are better things out there for me. Sonya, you are like my mom more than a sister but you still are my older sister, I love you for the harsh and sternness in your voice when you would get mad at me for messing up and for showing concern when I didn't think it mattered. Shami, you are the best you showed me to stand up for myself and we grew together you always have a place to lay your head if you are coming through my neighborhood. Cara and Edith, damn the shit that we have been through, will never be forgotten, I want you to know that Korea is a life changing experience, we have grown so much here and I can't wait to see what else is in store for us. Jen, you are a great lil sister, keep growing and remember that we have come a long way don't go backwards now, always look at the green side of the grass. Michelle, you really are my mom you always make me do this and that and thank you, thank you, thank you, I know that you are always doing this to look out for my well being. To all of you we learn from each other everyday, there are more people to add but not enough time, I love you all and if you are not here in this blog you will make one, so don't give up on that. Who are your sisters and what do they mean to you? I don't know what I would do without a......

SISTER......

RISKS.....

Do you take risks? I think that we all do to an extent. These are some things that are risks that I put in perspective for you that we do everyday without thinking....

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To cry or weep is to risk being sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings or emotions is to risk rejection
To present your dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To push forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to
risk failure

But we must take risks cause our greatest risk in life is
to not risk at all. The person that risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing... You may avoid
suffering and sorrows, but you will never learn, feel or
be content in life without taking risks. These are life's
pleasures. The next time you want to be self- conscious
or timid remember that no one matters but you and the ones
that are your friends and loved ones. The rest who cares
what they think. You can hate me now, because hate is a
waste of energy, if you hate someone for the risk they took
then you are unhappy. Remember, that when you hate a
person, they either don't know or don't care so you alone
are hating. Keep moving forward and remember to live
life and the only way to truly do this is to take.....

RISKS.....

Sacrifices.....

Sometimes we do things to make other people happy knowing that it is nothing that we won't to do, sacrifices... This is what I do everyday in the Army I am away from my Bookie and I make that sacrifice to keep her happy all though I know that she would rather have me with her. I know that in the past I have spoke on not knowing me, well some sacrifices I have made is losing myself to be someone I thought people wanted me to be. I have come to realize that I don't like this new me, I want to just be me again and I am making some steps right now in the right direction that are big sacrifices. I have acted out to push people away some may have thought that I was mad, but I was doing this to push them away and it worked. I never meant to hurt anyone, I had to do it. My mother made sacrifices for me I know that she didn't want the life that she has had but we end up that way due to the position in which we find ourselves. I hope that when you make sacrifices that you don't hurt anyone in the process like I have. I just want them to know that I am slowly becoming the person that everyone loved and respected before and I want you to know that I love you as well. Remember, that I am here regardless, if I act out of character it is not you it is my pushing you out of my life, I don't like people to get close and that is my down fall. Let me have time to heal I never gave myself that time and now I am. Bare with me, for I would do it for you. This is a sacrifice I ask of you if you are a true friend and you love me all my friends, just make this sacrifice for me.... How many of us day to day go out and make sacrifices for the ones we love, or for yourselves to make it better for yourself? Life is all about the.....

SACRIFICES.....

WHY CRY???

Why cry for someone that will never cry for me?
Why cry when it seems to never make a mends to the problem?
Why cry when you know that the pain will remain?
Why cry after it is all said and done you can't undo the done?
Why cry for love that was never meant to be, for if it was they
would not leave you?
Why cry for yourself, is this satisfaction or the healing process?
Why cry for a broken heart, you will mend and be loved again?
Why cry if you know that the tears will never be seen?
Why cry when we get hurt is it to ease the pain?
Why cry for a love that is never going to return but when it was
there it felt so right?

Who cares if you cry, it is human nature and you have to let it
out, go ahead and cry this shows that you are humble and that
you have emotions. That is not a weakness but yet a strength.
Have you ever asked yourself why cry for any of these reasons?
I can tell you this, these are all the reasons....

WHY I CRY......

Simple Things....

You ever wonder what is meant by the saying simple things??? What are the simple things in life? I know that all I wanted was the simple things and that person could not give them to me... He wanted everything from me and in return nothing for me. But that is not the reason I write this one today I write this one to let him know that it is ok.. You wanted more than you said, but in the end you wanted to be alone... You know that you are never going to be content in a relationship until you close all of your open books.... You have a lot to bring to the table but you are not yet man enough nor ready to cut off the loose ends. That is all right I was ready for you and you weren't ready for anything but yourself, you are selfish and don't care about anything and right now I see you being alone for along time... What goes around comes around and I should have known better than to step up to the plate and try to hit a home run with you as the pitcher.. You threw me a curve ball and then a slider and now damn, it hurts but I will go on. Just to let you know there are no hard feelings I chose to leave because I had feelings and you didn't, I can't cry over someone that won't cry for me. I know that when I said I love you I meant it, regardless of what you thought you were saying when you said it to me it is not the issue. Keep doing you and make sure that you are happy. Remember that you told me you changed from the kid that used to run the streets, do I know this to be fact, no. I see the same old person from Germany that thought he was a playa, but go head and do that damn thing if that is what makes you happy. Keep it real with yourself and you will never have to worry about the truth hiding in the dark. Holla at me and you will know what it means to want....

SIMPLE THINGS..........

Role Model....

Can I be that someone that you look to when everything else fails you? I want to be your, example, trend and limitation setter. There are limits to everything we do, so don't get that twisted. I want to be the one that is your hero, cause you are mine. I want to know that when you get older or mature that you take some of my good values, I don't want you to be like me, cause you are you for a reason. Originality, that is what makes people unique and also envious, please do not envy me, just look to me to guide you in the right direction. Someone that helps you accomplish your dreams and expectations. Is it easy to be a role model, no and yes. We are all role models to someone rather we know it or not, someone always looks up to you. So think about that the next time you think of doing something out of character or just plain stupid. Who is your role model....? Can I be your...

ROLE MODEL..................

A Brief Moment...

Wish for just a brief moment I would be able to talk to you and you would listen.
For just a brief moment you would actually care what it is I had to say
For just a brief moment you knew how to make the world go away
For just a brief moment I thought I heard you say you want me to stay
For just a brief moment I wish that it was in your arms where I lay
For just a brief moment I want everything to go back to the old way
For just a brief moment I thought you said this would be my day
For just a brief moment I know I heard you say that this is all a game we play
For just a brief moment can I tell you everything I was scared to before
For just a brief moment I want to sneak away and just be in tuned to you
For just a brief moment can you try and act like I mean more than anything else to you
For just a brief moment I know I saw that look of what used to be love
For just a brief moment you held me like you used to do
For just a brief moment that is all I really want can you spare a moment with me??
I never thought that I would want just a brief moment but when you lose everything you love it hurts and you would do anything to get them back if for only....

A BRIEF MOMENT.....

Kiyara

Something I never thought I would have
A baby girl to say the least a superstar
So unique in all your aspects, how can anyone compete
You made me into an adult and made my life complete
You are beauty, in it's truest form
My world is but a a doorway to your life
You are going to be so much more than world is even ready for
Baby, you inspire me and I want you to know that it is you I adore
Keep your grace and remember that you are worth more
You are a superstar, show stopper and demand an encore

This is all for you the one that makes my life worth living. I hope that I will be everything that a mother is supposed to be for their daughter. I love you Bookie, I miss you so much mami... You are everything and then some, you are.......

KIYARA....

This is Me...

How do you view me? How does the world view you? Do we really care? I know that I do to an extent but then on the other hand no I don't. If you can't handle the truth don't ask the question. Be real, up front and to the point, blunt. That is me, I like to say what I mean and mean what I say. I have come to find that people respect me more when you get straight down to it and don't beat around the bush. We know that we some times tend to lie so not to hurt someone but if they find out anyways it hurts more in the end. It is going to hurt regardless, so just get it over with in the beginning. Like people trying to cheat be playa's, pimp's or whatever you want to call it. It all comes back and you should have left that person before stepping out on them, but I guess you are not man or woman enough to deal with the loss... Games or what we did as children so tell me why you can say that you are grown and still play damn games? Likely excuse you are a child at heart.... Right? I think that I have made it thus far for being me true, raw, emotions on the sleeve, original and out right blunt, ask and I will answer you with nothing but the truth. I love with no regrets and help out anyone, no one is better than me and I am no better than the next. This is me, everything I am is do to you and people like you... Who is this to? That is what you want to know, but if you think that this pertains to you then it probably does. If you don't like me then you need not worry I don't care. Oh ya,

THIS IS ME.......

DW

This one goes to out to someone that I still think about and maybe he knows, or not, but you must know by now... That my love has never stopped. What can I say I love you in some many ways. I know that it may be wrong but I have to be strong and let you know that you are a constantly on my mind. I miss everything that we used to be... I know that, that was then and this is now. I am glad that we had what we did. You made me a better person, and for that I thank you. Remember, to take what you can from a broken relationship and move on with the good. There is always something that you can take from a relationship, you just happened to give me fuel to my fire. I was strong from being hurt from Q, but you made me stronger, knowing that nothing is guaranteed. You are a great person and I hope that your mother is doing good, your sister and the new baby are doing well, I hope. Just remember that I will always be your friend contrary to popular belief. Keep your head up and glad that you are going drill that is what you wanted so do that and keep up the fire... You have done well thus far you will meet the right one soon. Get at me if you ever need anything. Remember, that when you point the finger or do dirt there are three pointing back at you. I am doing this one for.....

DW (Will)......

Allow Myself....

Will I ever be able to allow myself, to just let go? Do you allow yourself to be free? I think about the things I have been through the trials and tribulations my family and friends have been through. I wonder, will all of this make me analyze the world differently and make it so that I hesitate to allow myself to be loved? Maybe, I will never allow myself the simple joy of saying hello for the first time and knowing that this is the beginning and not the ending. Do you allow yourself the feeling of bliss when you just had your first kiss with that special someone or do you like so many of us do try to hide your feelings and cut off your emotions. We need to learn how to allow ourselves these simple pleasures in life. We go through life always wanting acceptance from our peers but you need to know that you will never be happy living your life to impress others. You need to allow yourself to be yourself and forget about the rest of the world, be happy... I have come to allow myself the courage to share this page with friends and everyone else who wants to read it.. I wish I would have learned to allow myself to open up more to my friends and family in the past, maybe things would be different. Things are the way they are for a reason and you can only make a difference to the present and the future. It's all what you make of it. So are you going to allow yourself everything??? How about we just learn to allow ourselves something that makes us happy with out the feeling of regret, remorse, or guilt..? Try that one on for size, allow yourself like I am about to start allowing myself to love with all my heart and not fear the un-mentionable.. I am going to allow myself to see everything for what it is and allow myself to appreciate all that life has to offer.... To my friends of now, then and future continue to remind me to allow myself to enjoy life, I will do it for you.. My family, I apologize now for not knowing how to......

ALLOW MYSELF.....

Too Shady.....

Damn, the things that people do or say to turn friends against each other.. I know now that I have some good friends that don't listen to BS.... People are unhappy with their lives or themselves so they try to make everyone else unhappy around them.. Damn, yo, get a clue, this is not that serious. The best thing for you to do which my friend did is go to the source and ask plain and simple what happened. Squash it. Sometimes people can really be ugly they smile in your face but really they just want to take your place, you know "backstabber's"... (Smile) I had to get at this one, because do to popular belief they are out there. Keep being great friends and if you got an issue work it out. I will never say, do, or act out of character and deny it if I wasn't going to tell you to your face. Remember, that we all need good friends to rely, trust and confide in.... Keep it real with me and I will definitely keep it real with you, always. Just don't let yourself be the one that is being....

TOO SHADY....

Words to a Ghost Love

Where are you? Gone, or did you ever really exist? My love for you was so strong, yet you denied it and left me alone and sad. The funny thing is I still feel your presence, I know that you are here somewhere.... Why can't I find you? Do I need you? No, but, it would be nice to be with you again. Why when you did me wrong I accepted your apology and took you back with open arms. However, when I stepped out of character one time, you leave me forever? Is this right, can you tell me that you don't love me? Did you ever really love me? I know that we are all just human and prone to make mistakes, and forgiving is the key and learning from that is the answer. You can make a mistake and be forgiven this is your chance at redeeming yourself... I gave you the chance over and over again, my love, but you somehow felt it necessary not to allow me the opportunity to redeem myself. Once, I felt your love and the tenderness in your touch and the concern in your voice. How could this just have been made up? Was I imagining all of this? I hope not, just because you went away, doesn't mean that you changed in my heart. You were perfect to me, all your imperfections were cute to me, and is what made you, you. I miss your smile and the way your voice sounded on the phone when you were worried about me. I want to be the one that you tell you love and the one that you come home to at night. Where are you? Oh, yes this is just my imagination running array.
Remember we all have ghost loves, they are someone that is perfect that we lost, never had, or just will always want... Who is your ghost love and how do your words sound, similar?
If you get this or you are out there and some how hear this. These are my...

WORDS TO A GHOST LOVE.....

Where I Wanna Be....

Today, I sit and think, is this where I wanna be? Are you where you wanna be? Can you honestly say this is where you wanna be? No, I know this is not where I wanna be, I know that I am young still and have so much left to learn. I am here waiting, willing, yearning to be your student, teach me everything you know I will be a sponge to your knowledge and absorb everything you want to share with me. On the other hand, I don't know if with you is where I wanna be, to me you have prior engagements not including me or a hidden agenda. How cliche' that would be for me to say that I trust you when I know there is doubt lingering there. I need to find out where I wanna be I know that I want you, I don't want to hurt you and I definitely don't want to lose you. Would you be willing to allow me the ample time to see where I wanna be? I know that this is a hard question, but I love you and I don't want to hurt you by staying with you and me being unhappy and in turn making the feeling mutual. Can you let me go without letting go? I don't want to lose you like I said before but I am afraid that if I don't do this now I will lose you all together. This is a hard decision and I know that you may think that I am running away since I don't know what it is like when you find something that doesn't want to use or hurt you... I need to find me, forgive myself and forgive him, before I can love me and allow myself to be loved. You can never truly love or be loved until you have forgiven yourself and the person that did you wrong and then look at yourself and love what you see. It is hard to say this but, I need to know.....

WHERE I WANNA BE.......

LOST LOVE

I wish yesterday were here 2day
and he would be beside me, and as we lay
Close to one another; my head on his chest
Warm and naked I can feel his skin on mine
The very thought of him arouses me like no other
Anytime, anyplace I need him, I want him; yearning to love him
Why did he leave, then let me find him and
But for some reason a road block has kept me a far
I have my hammer and chisel ready and willing to work hard
at breaking down those barriers and layers of ice
That have caused this cold heart
A heart that once looked at me like I was a Queen
It was definitely love cuz my heart saw him as a King
A King who has been through hell and back
Not loved right and mistreated; this is a fact
Lord knows I understand cuz I've been through similar things
But all I know is I would give anything...you hear me; anything
To have yesterday back, days when I was your Queen and u were my King
Days when we spent endless hours lost in each others thoughts
lusting and loving each other, showing u how much I care
So if u ever hear this or find these words that I write
Know that those were the best times of my life
And no one could ever replace the truth...I LOVE YOU

This one was one that I really debated on putting on here since I know that people are going to read this, the funny thing is, I write stuff similar to this all the time I just don't like people to see this side of me... True feelings, raw emotions, uncensored, keep it real. Hope that you liked this one and tell me how you feel... Did I lose you just to find you again and lose you all over?

LOST LOVE.....

Face Value.......

What does this phrase mean to you? Let me ask you this do you take a conversation for instance at face value or do you read in to it? How about a relationship, do you take it for face value or do you think there is something more. Face Value, those two simple words can get you in to so much trouble because if you always take it for face value, you might just lose the greatest thing you have ever known in your life. There are some things that you should take for face value or the term that means the same, "with a grain of salt". If you can do this through out life you will be alone, maybe you would like that and really have no feelings for the people you affect. Myself I take each day as the last and remember that everyone I meet is someone special, if not to me they mean the world to someone and you need to give them respect, even if they are rude towards you. Remember you are the one that chooses who you take at face value and who you take for who they really are. Face value, could be as shallow as there physical beauty, or body, not them as a person. Face value could be you loving someone for there families money or their own money. Face value to say the least is being shallow. To each your own, but what do you view people as, themselves or for their.....

FACE VALUE......

Frustrated.....

Hmmmmm. How can I start this. Well, let's just start it like this, I don't need anything, but I have one question for you.... If I stopped talking to you today, would you cry? No, that's what I thought, so why should I cry over you? Funny we are so selfish that we think that world revolves around us. Look at the big picture it revolves around everyone and effects everyone so stop and try to help as many people as you can. I am not trying to say not to be happy in your life but remember there are other people that you can help. I feel that I am lost a lot of the time and I need guidance but I feel that a lot of my friends don't seem to come through for me, funny how you are there for them when needed but they are not for you???? Frustrated, because it is funny how you hear something from someone you haven't known long enough to call someone but you would take their word due to the fact they sleep with you but you and your friends might have a fall out???? Frustrated, because how would you act, think about that... Pre-judge, that's wrong.... Frustrated, because I give my all and don't recieve a 110% in return. Anger solves nothing and you need to talk to me about everything so that I can do my best to understand and give my assistance to help. Remember who was there for you before that cat showed up and before you meet that girl if needs be ....HUH. Adrion, I know you just got to Iraq pa, I like the blog you set off, I miss you so much fam and I am missing you like crazy I wish that we could be together at the same duty station. Yo, if you need anything let me know for real for real. I got you, naw mean, I want you to meet Rod, for real. Holla at me when you can. Rod, please think about what you do, hell everyone think about what you do.... Love you fam(Smoke and Adrion). But you know I am...

FRUSTRATED.....

This Goes Out....

This goes out to everyone that is someone's daughter or son. You know some things that you need in life are love, attention, and gratitude. I am proud of all my friends, Cara and Edith, for real you guys are off the chain and where ever I go I will always keep in touch with you. Edith, you have so much potential and opportunities in front of you, now you just need to get focused and get out there and get what you want. I am glad that you are happy with your man, my boogie down partner. Remember that if you ever need a shoulder, mami I am here for you, I will never judge you for the things that you say or do, but I will help try to mentor you and lead you down the right track when you get lost. Cara, what can I say, you turned me in to an alcoholic..LOL No, for real though I am so glad that we can talk about everything and not worry about one or the other talking about each other or judging, you know. Glad that you as well have found someone that makes you happy. Keep doing you and if you ever need something get at me. Aaron, you are my brother maybe not by blood, but I know that we are fam. I am so glad that we became so close and no matter where you go if you need anything you always will have a way to get in contact with me. Don't get lost again, if you feel that you are starting to go down that path you know who is there, ME (smile). Jen, you know already that me and you will remain friends, where ever our endeavors take us. You are off the chain just remember that if you need someone to talk to I am always going to be here. I am never more than a phone call, e-mail or letter away. Rod, what else is there to say you know already. A little advice just remember that if you got something good don't let it go, do everything you can to do right by them. Remember, that when someone cares about you they might act out of character sometimes but it is concern and a natural thing, maybe you never had someone care about you before so when someone acts out you act stupid toward them....? This is to everyone you know advice is free are you willing to listen. Remember, that everything you do comes back on you three times over. One last thing, people may think they know you by the way you seem, but only a few truly know you for you. I had to do this for you all and if you are not in this one there are more to come cause.....

THIS GOES OUT........

To My Brother.....

Josh, what can I say...? Hey Jewish, you are the one that always was crazy and off the chain, and I can't believe that I was the one blamed for all the BS you know. But I am so glad that we are friends which means so much more than just being sister and brothers, you know. We been through a lot right, yo? I just want to let you know that I appreciate you being there and doing my work that pops used to give us.. How you like me now..LOL I know that you remember all those times I had to cover for you when you had been drinking or your dumb ass friends had been at the house being start stupid... I miss the close calls sometimes, yo, for real I wanted to tell on you sometimes (smile). Yo, remember that time when we left school and went shopping with your credit card, or that time that Josh (Reynolds) had all those damn straws like 60 of them hooked together from McDonald's and had them hanging out the window. Yo, or the time that we were having that house party and everyone was drunk and passed out and then pops came home early... I thought that we were busted for real. I am glad that you always supported me for not drinking and not smoking (anything) LOL. I love you, yo and you have been there for me when I need someone to talk to just like I was there for you as I am still. Remember, that I am not hard on you just cause, I do it cause I don't know how to be me anymore... Can you help me be me again? Yo, I hope that you read this and you know that you mean much more to me than I have ever told you. This is just a little something that is....

TO MY BROTHER......

Clear My Mind..

Can you help me clear my mind? I have a lot on it, are you sure that you are willing to take on the burden to help me clear my mind? Everyone has something that is on their mind, you know we are constantly thinking of something. Is what is on your mind something worth keep your mind foggy? Is there something that you want to talk about? Does it seem like there is no one to turn to? Do you need to clear your mind? Keep in mind that the burdens you share with me are strictly between me and you.... Trust, I will not tell your secrets, they are yours and you confide in me for a reason, right??? To simply clear your mind... Can you listen to me, can I confide in you and trust you with all my inner most secrets? I need to clear my mind, are you who I think you are? Are you going to talk, laugh or joke about me? When you are around I am immensely amused by the way you show you care about me. Is this a front? On the phone you show concern in your voice and give me a feeling of serenity. Are you the one that is here for me to clear my mind, and confide in? I know that I am here for you, if you need me reach out, I am always there. Thinking, worrying, wanting, just you.... Can I be the one to help you.....

CLEAR YOUR MIND.....