Baseball Fans...

Don't you love the smell of sausage sandwich's, hot dogs, peanuts and the great taste of an ice cold beer? Well hey you got to be a baseball fan if you do cause those things are all the great things that go with attending a game or even watching one at home. Going to the game seeing your favorite players and seeing the field prepped. LOVELY that is the word that first came to mind.

Those great orange, blue and black colors of the METS just do it for me... I love the team and have since I was a little tike watching the game with my pops at home. What can I say my pops has great taste and hey it runs in the family. I love going and hearing the fans, me being able to cheer along and get into the game is outstanding.

Another great perk to baseball and hey all sports is what??? Hmmmmm so are you still thinking?

TAILGATE parties!!!!! Yes know until you have really done this you don't know what you are missing but once you do it hey you can just pay for parking screw the game you can listen to it on the radio and then party with the fans as they leave... The food is great and the people are outstanding, the beer is never ending. Now this is something to all my fellow......

BASEBALL FANS!!!!!

Mixed Emotions

If you wake up everyday and see the person you want to be with for the rest of your life and that makes you feel great but and there is always a but..... That person has changed over the last few months with small discrete changes that have now become noticeable and now you are questioning yourself and where the relationship is heading. People change in their relationship due to the feeling of being unaccomplished or lack of a life they imagined having. Do you just sit back and let the relationship crumble with the loss of foundation there is nothing and you may as well, "let it burn".

How do you know when enough is enough? If you try and the person doesn't respond or only responds when they feel they need to, this in turn making you feel content for the time being. But then the companionship and feelings of euphoria you were so used to prior, have now somewhere down the line have become digressing feelings and lack of communication. Now the warning is an abrupt stop or yield sign. This in turn causing conflict with one another for no apparent reason and you do not know how to fix this so that you and the love of your life can move on and learn from this small speed bump in life. Maybe this is the point when one of you has to say HEY I think that we have reached a point and it's not working I don't think it ever will. Which ever the case may be communication is the key to success and will not miss lead you if you are open and honest with the one you love.

Just something that came to mind and right now I am with.....

MIXED EMOTIONS.....

Like Cooked crack...

Do you ever wonder why we have an urge as humanity to test shit on each other.??? I guess it is due to the enjoyment of watching others suffer. Humans get off on this as we can see that by the content in shows, movies and even the news. So when is this going to change or will it? I feel sorry for my bookie and all the other children that have to grow up through this type of hypocrisy that we have become. Hopefully they will out grow this thing we have become to accept as our lives and make better choices than some of the leaders we have had in our past, present and dare I say future. We will find out soon enough if the US has evolved their minds and allowed us to have a female as the leader of this country (that they already refer to as female). England one of the strongest countries and holds down the international market for being the highest exchange rate for currency, has had a female leader for how long??? So lets not hear any of the BS from men saying that there would be issues....

Anyways, just a small notion for you to think on, given a thought wonderful ideas are bound to evolve. Let me stop this one short and let you know that yes I"M BACK.....

LIKE COOKED CRACK!!!!!

Push it to the LIMIT....

Everyday we push ourselves and each other to the limit without even knowing it. Think about it this way your boss is always asking more and more from you and this is due to you accepting and completing the tasks assigned. Subconsciously they are seeing how much you can handle. If you are a parent we expect or kids to live up or exceed a certain standard that we have for them. When they fail we show them how disappointed we are in them by verbal and non-verbal actions. This in turn accounts for their either failures or successes in life. If we as the human race are always negative then in return we get negative feed back or retaliation (IRAQ).

Compare all of the wars in the past this is due to disappointment or disagreeing with the system or religion that is in tact. How do we change this repetitious cycle that seems to have no end just a circle with no way out? Are our children doomed to live in a world with such hostilities and hate crimes due to our actions presently? Funny that racism is still here but the reason it is because we teach each other this remember that hate is learned, also it comes from the fear of the unknown. If we do not know something we tend not to want to know or roll with the stereotypes instead of experiencing first hand. Hate or racism is not only color or culture it is sexual preference, gender, and religious preference. It is time for us as the youth and future of the country to learn to disregard all of the above and teach the right way to see each other. No one is born the same and that is what makes life so intriguing we learn everyday so teach me what you have learned from this.

Can you take this to the next level and.....

PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT????????

Twisted..

It's funny how simple words can so easily become an enormous labyrinth of lies and deceit. Causing everyone close to you pain and heartache. People think they are doing right by telling the truth or just saying what they think everyone else to scared to say. However, in reality they are saying something that was meant one way and to the person it is referred to a completely different meaning is conjured. If you know what you are saying is something that most people would consider rude or inappropriate it is probably better left unsaid unless you are speaking solely to the one it is directed to so there is no room for misinterpretation. So let me say this to the people that are in my life. If you are in my life I have chosen for it to be so and if not that is by choice as well. Thank you to the ones that stand by me regardless of the ups and downs.

This life is one large maze of twists and turns and unexpected mishaps around each corner. What you choose to with it is where you realize your life's meaning. You may be successful and unhappy or be of the lucky few that is successful and happy or maybe just maybe success to you is being happy. Whatever path you take make sure you are flexible and able to adapt to unplanned events in life. What I am trying to say is we can not control every aspect of our life so roll with the punches. Untangle the knots life throws your way and just endure every moment you can just remember to never get....


TWISTED...

Make me stay...

Make me stay the night
Make me stay because to me I know this feels right
Make me stay make me believe this has a meaning
Make me stay tell me there is only a begining and a future no end
Make me stay and show me the new you and the hand you will lend
Make me stay by telling me there are no secrets just purity in love
Make me stay with the belief we can make it and rise above.
Make me stay cause I know this is where I want to be
Make me stay but promise you won't lie
Make me stay or at least try


Make me stay, isn't this what you want?

REAL TALK

Have you been in a situation that you really didn't like but did it for the simple reason that the person you love is there and you did not want to disappoint them? This happens everyday you get to a point in life where you are someone or something you don't know. Hold on, do me a favor real quick look in the mirror take 30 seconds and self analyze is that person you see really you??? If not what are you willing to do to change that and become you again? I hope that all of you that read this have that special someone in your life be it a friend that is true, a family member or a romantic affiliation. But ensure that they are not taking advantage of you and that they are really who you think they are. Analyze the exact time and place you are now and who is around you, is this what you wanted? If so by all means keep doing what you do and if not move on if that means cutting ties or rekindling old flames then that is what you need to do...

Some of use take for granted the people that have helped us most throughout or crazy life and once they are gone they realize damn that was the best thing I have ever had and maybe ever will.. Do we dwell upon or mistakes or do we rectify them by making a new relationship with that old person? Also, some people try to hold on to bad apples too long and this ends up destroying what they have now. If your friends no matter how long they have been your "FRIEND" is making an impact on your private life then you need to let if BURN! People you think are your friends are not always what they seem, look at what they have accomplished and how they represent themselves to the public. If you want to make more of a, well to say it the best way social standing for yourself then some people in your life that try to hate or hold you down have to go...

As we age and try to become more of an intellectual and not a party person (which that is really not my scene anyways), we have to cut our childhood bonds with the people that are not evolving with us. If not you will end up like so many others being old and looking in the mirror wondering who the hell is that person looking back at you. Do yourself a favor I have already done and start cutting the loose ends and retying and restructuring the ones you know are real and beneficial in the end. Never forget that self education never ends so strive for excellence.


All right this is real and out right blunt but it's me and I am just trying to give you some...

REAL TALK

Peace and Happiness

That is what they say love means. Love also means pain but the pain is a relapse of issues that you have had or drama you have brought in to each others life in reality pain is one of the many virtues of human nature. I believe we can not help ourselves and we do some things without always thinking of the consequences or repercussions it may cause to our loved ones. When people cheat I don't always believe that they do it intentionally meaning to hurt the one they supposedly love. I think that this is sometimes a signal that they are not ready for the type of relationship they are in they might never be ready for a real relationship and you need to let them go regardless of how much it may hurt. If you are lucky enough to find that one that regardless of your flaws forgives and forgets and is there through thick and thin and you both are on that other level knowing that you trust each other with your lives, than you are of a lucky few. I hope that one day everyone will be able to evolve (mature) to that level where they don't cheat and are happy with the one that they are with. Don't take this out of context and think that what I am saying is to make your life bland and boring what I am saying is when you do grow up, if you ever do you will know being with that one special person is the greatest thing in the world.

I know that we only have a certain amount of time here and everyone wants to make an imprint in or a crinkle in our time line so that they may be remembered for something great. How about this, you already have to someone that loves you and all the people around you. This may not be the entire world but when it all boils down to it, it's not really going to matter in the end. Right now is what really matters so love the one you are with whole hearted and forgive and forget the small things remember if that person truly makes you happy make them happy and do everything in your power to be true and show them they really mean the world to you. I hope that all of you can find true love like I have and with that you will find.....

PEACE AND HAPPINESS

Whispers..

I know I am awake and alone but for some reason I hear your voice it is clear but low similar to a whisper soft and sweet. The sound sends chills up my spine and gives me goose bumps. For an instance I believe you are here in my presence. I can see your beautiful eyes and cute dimples. I smell you and can feel your breath on my neck. I feel the way you gently graze your hand over my arm and across my cheek. Damn I want to hold you and ask you how was your day. I close my eyes and lazily lay back to let you keep me in this somber state I have fell into. You tell me that you love the way I look at you and that you think I am sexy. I laugh and go along with the conversation that you have engaged me in. If only I could tell you the way I feel about you I know I tell you I love you but do you really know how much you mean to me? My mind is going in overdrive thinking of all the wonderful things I love about you. Happiness is what I have found and just laying here now I have realized that this is because I allowed you to get this close.

In the distance I hear music it is getting loader now...... DAMN, its my cell phone and you were never really here in the first place. For that one instant I swear I heard your.....

WHISPERS

Endurance

Do you have what it takes to go that extra mile? No I don't mean the stamina I mean the mental and physical endurance that it takes for you to go above and beyond what is expected of you? Have you trained your entire mind, body and soul to endure the most gruelling tasks? Can the person you hold dear to you depend on you in their time of need will you be able to handle or better yet endure the task at hand? Be it standing by them in their low and high points giving one hundred percent support regardless if you agree or disagree in the decisions they have made. Will you be there by their side through any sickness, cancer, HIV, mental instabilities?

I hope that all of you that are special to me know that I have what it takes to go that extra mile, yard, hour, whatever it takes to be there and show you I support you, I will do. They say you can measure ones importance by how many true friends you have and who shows to your funeral or your time of need say for instance you are in the hospital. I am not always going to be there but if I know that you are going through something I will be sure to send, call or write to ensure you know I have your back and I am here for YOU. We take for granted the things we have and what is in front of us today thinking they will be there tomorrow or next year but we need to remember the only sure time is the time we have RIGHT now. All I am asking is do you have the.....

ENDURANCE????

Time Will Tell....

Why do you always hear the older generation tell you: "don't rush, with time you will know"? So they tell us this and we think a week is a long time. Then with age comes patience so they say. Well with time do I get any good things or does this fall in the category of only time will tell. Maybe I am just too anxious and I want to know right now. What if adults didn't tell us their mistakes and we just kept messing up the same way they did? Would this life we live turn into a repetitious mass of deja-vu? It seems that with time comes wisdom but I have yet to see some of my peers grow out of their immature state of mind. Why is it that one day someone tells you they love you and the very next tell you they hate you? Why do friends never stay in contact when they promise, oh you try but it seems that they out grow you or turn into someone else?

I don't want to loose any of my friends; past, present or future. Are you going to be there when I need a shoulder to lean on or lend an ear to listen or your shirt to dry my tears? I hope that you all know that I am here for you regardless and would never do anything but support all of you in all aspects of life. Some of you are closer to me than others and others well I would do the same for you as I would my own fam. I hope that everyone takes out of life more than what's expected, because to settle for what you have is to except defeat. Be happy for what you have but strive for what you want. Remember you are the one that makes the difference in not only your life but everyone around. When you find that one true love you will know and you will do everything to keep that person happy. You never know how long you have so make the best of what you do have because only......

TIME WILL TELL.

Pain....

Why is it so easy to hurt someone or walk by a bum knowing you have the change and it only takes a split second to drop it in their cup? Are we that closed mind that we think, "if I ignore it, it will all go away"? Well the reality is that in some way or another we all cause each other pain and instead of helping heal it we proceed and make the situation worse. Did you ever stop and think that everything that you do affects someone else not just you...? I know you have heard the saying for every action there is an equal or great reaction. Correct? If you haven't now you have and this is so true.

Think of it this way, if you go out rob a bank (a little extreme but a good example) this affects you, the economy and your family. Americans in general are all too selfish and then you have the ones that act "too" self-righteous. Come on give me a break we all have flaws so don't point your finger. It all comes down to KARMA what a lovely word because the more you do the worse off you will be in the end. So do what you do and keep right on causing that...

PAIN

Holidays....

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This is the best time of the year, so they say!!! Actually to tell you the truth I love the snow and family time and the hectic running with the sparatic spending and the constant guessing on what would be the perfect gift for everyone. Then there is that special someone for the people that are lucky enough to have met their other half. The stress in making sure what you get is perfect, but also knowing that whatever you get them will be perfect because it comes from you.

I miss the snow, here in NY it is cold but it has yet to snow. I am literally "Dreaming of a White Christmas" like Bing Crosby. I love the food and that extra warmth you get when you come home or think of old family traditions that you still want to carry on in to your own family. I miss my family and I know that they will have a great time together this holiday season I just want them to know I love you and I am thinking of you. To all of my friends I hope that you are doing well and that you are with loved ones or good friends this holiday season. Here are some pics from the parade of lights in Montana where my daughter is with my mom at least they get snow:


This is my brother and his daughter(below left) and my sister and Kiyara and my niece(below right):

















Here are some pics from the other night at Rockafeller Center:
























Me and Maria at Rockafeller Center.

What Happens???

We have come to accept that we are here but for what purpose? We do not chose the life we are given, we can only change a certain percent of the outcome but in the end we only live to die... Is this what god made us for just a short term to grow up enjoy, suffer and die? I don't have the answers and don't understand why we come to exist only to cease from existing. This to me makes no sense at all. I know that while I am here I will change and make things better for the ones I love and adore.

You baby are the one that deserves better, you have a good heart but yet you hide it. I know who you are and what you have to offer so I tell you this, "I love you". Please don't ever change just remain the open loving person I fell in love with. Behind closed doors is where you tend to be more comfortable and I see changes in you but that's ok I understand I just hope that this is a phase and it will not remain in your master plan. I hope that when I am gone I have left you something that makes you happy everyday and stability.

Kiyara, your beauty is becoming and you have a personality that draws people to you. Keep your wits and know that you have the world on a platter make of it what you may. Learn to be open and use all of your special talents to achieve all of your goals. I want to be able to supply you the opportunity to do anything you wish. When I am no longer here don't fret, I will still remain as long as you remember me.

My family I love you all dearly and hope that I have and will become something that makes you proud, but I do not wish to become forgetful of who I am, nor do I wish to become an icon. I only hope that I have made you all happy in at least one aspect of our crazy lives and that you remember everything that is good and try to forget the bad. We tend to so easily remember the bad and forget the good with out a second thought. Please for my sake reminisce on the good and learn from the bad but be weary of holding on to it.

One last thing before I let you go. When you go to sleep tonight regardless if you are religious or not say a pray or do a ceremony or what ever it is you believe in for the people that you love, will love and those you have yet to meet. The world is not an easy place to live and a lot of things have changed for the good and some for the worse but make of it what you can. When we are no longer here, does anyone out there really know.....

WHAT HAPPENS???

Confidence.....

What do we define confidence as?

Could it be simply having enough will to speak out in front of a crowd?

How about going and speaking to the one person you have always wanted to?

Getting enough courage to go against the grain?

Or do we define it as the lack of self confidence?

We usually tend to view or thrive on negativity rather than that of a positive influence. When you view someone walking down the street we are all very judgemental as to say the least. We look at what they are wearing, how they carry themselves, what they look like, how their hair is done, damn I could just keep going on and on. We already know that this is human nature to Americans, funny I go to other countries and they think we are ridiculous. Always trying to be better and status quo is the big thing in the US. I went to Europe and Asia people there are about making themselves better but they are less harsh and not so judgemental. So with all of these things against us as Americans or living in America it is easy to see why some people have self-esteem and self-confidence issues.

All I am saying is to worry less about what others think make yourself happy. I know that is a hard thing for me to say cause I usually do worry about what others think of me but I am learning to let that aspect of my life be less important. I am starting to find and build more on my self-

CONFIDENCE.

Get Your Own Voice PlayerManage

Dreamin'

Why is it, that the best things are unseen? When we fall in love you don't see it. When we cry we usually close our eyes. When we kiss and when we dream we always close our eyes...

I have always wondered if when someone kisses you and they close their eyes are they imagining or wishing that you were or are someone else? How about when we cry do we close our eyes to pretend like we are the only ones there or hurting?

The greatest thing that has happened to me is to experience love and I know that there is really not a definition to it but we all have our own explanation or definition to what love is to us. To me it is waking up to a beautiful face and gorgeous brown eyes everyday. Knowing that when I go to sleep the last person I see is the same person I see when I wake up and that if I don't wake up the last person I saw was the love of my life. Knowing that regardless of what happens we are there for each other knowing that there are ups and downs we are here for the long haul. The feeling of euphoria when ever I think of you and not knowing what is in store for us around the corner. Experiencing life with someone that sees you and knows you for you and is willing to live this life they way it was meant to be lived. The feeling I get when you touch me sends tingles up and down my spine and never getting tired of hearing you tell me, "I love you".

This is all unseen but I feel it and I know that this can not be a dream or if it is I pray to never again wake and open my eyes and find an empty bed cold sheets and a pillow with no indentation cause you never existed and never laid your head on my pillow. Please if this is what it is make sure that I just keep on....

DREAMIN'!!!!

Questions???

Have you ever had questions and no nerve? I think that we all have questions that probably will go unanswered for the rest of our lives. Either we don't have the courage to ask or hear the answer if we did ask or it just boils down to never really being the right time. We have to intervene and make time work to our advantage because if we don't we will always have those questions on the tip of our tongues or nagging us in the back of our minds.

I will put mine on here because I am taking advantage of my resources and lets see if some of my questions get answered....

What is love to you and are there guidelines?

Whose fault is it who we fall in love with?

Why do you find me attractive?

Am I as good as your previous or where do I lack where they gained?

What is the problem with the world everyone is equal, right?

Why do we hate on ethnicity, sexuality and religion?

Do you wonder how bad things will be for your kids?

I hope that you can answer some of these questions; leave me a comment or shoot me an e-mail. It all comes down to the answers due to our.....

QUESTIONS.

How far...

How far would you go to achieve your dreams?
How far would you be willing to venture to see your true love one last time?
How far is the truth from your lips?
How far is enough?
How far is the breaking point?
How far would you go to appease your true calling?
How far is the closest aspect of the real you?
How far is this life going to take you?
How far are you willing to go for your name to carry on?
How far or how long will you let your life mean nothing?
How far is not far enough.... Just tell me that you are willing to go that much

Further...

I will go as far as needs be to prove my worth, my love and my self being. For my love I want to be the one that shows you everything and anything that you lack to see and learn everything about you and with you. Remember that knowledge is only power when you share what you know and willing to learn what they know. My worth and self being I want my family and Bookie to know I am here and will prove what I mean soon enough. I will not accept second best and do not expect any of you to. We are the ones that set in stone our lives and we can only live one day at a time plan for today and not tomorrow for that day may not come. Push everything you do to the limit and go that much further, start loving the life we have now.

Life....

Can you spare the supple attitude
Or just bare me the pain
I don't need mere gratitude
To get through this life so lame
It's funny that we feel we must live a lie
To appease the very essence of mankind
No need to carry burdens of blame
Stop and think, weren't we all once shy
If you step back for one small instance
You will realize that this life is just one big contest
With all us contestants
One winner, one loser, you or me
Am I the loser because you're a college grad
Or am I the winner because for what I have I am glad
Remember how life was with childhood innocence
Now as adults we have lost our way and struggle to become someone else
Is this for us or for someone else's convenience
For now I am done
For I've become a mere stereotype
I am someone else, lost from my childhood innocence....

This is what we call


LIFE