Party Like a Rockstar.....

All right I guess everyone wants to do this at some point in their lives... Right? So when is the right time...? You tell me they say your too young, too old and I think its time you should grow up... WTF Please tell me the medium and when I can "party like a rockstar"?

Actually, I was always the nerdy one of all my friends I am more of the home body type but hey sometimes I want to go out and just never do it.... PUNK that is the first word that comes to mind, right? So tell me about some of your crazy times when you just didn't give a &%$#!!!! How did it end up?

Let's see who has the best experience and really did....

PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR......

At Last

At last, when all the summer shine
That warmed life's early hours is past,
Your loving fingers seek for mine
And hold them close—at last—at last!
Not oft the robin comes to build
Its nest upon the leafless bough
By autumn robbed, by winter chilled,—
But you, dear heart, you love me now.

Though there are shadows on my brow
And furrows on my cheek, in truth,—
The marks where Time's remorseless plough
Broke up the blooming sward of Youth,—
Though fled is every girlish grace
Might win or hold a lover's vow,
Despite my sad and faded face,
And darkened heart, you love me now!

I count no more my wasted tears;
They left no echo of their fall;
I mourn no more my lonesome years;
This blessed hour atones for all.
I fear not all that Time or Fate
May bring to burden heart or brow,—
Strong in the love that came so late,
Our souls shall keep it always now!

Elizabeth Akers Allen

Something different and not by me.. Do you understand?

Some Days

Does it ever happen to you when you wake up and everything feels great for the first couple minutes and then your day goes from sugar to shit in the matter of seconds? Damn, I know that has happened to me in the last few weeks a few times and it seems like everything I do regardless of how it was meant comes out or across all wrong. So how do you fix these situations?

Do I give up and just say hey you win some you lose some?

Do I try to make a mends and be the humble one like always?

Do I just keep it all inside and the end result happens latter on with a big explosion?

Do I just say hey I have had enough and now its time to say goodbye?

I know what I want and I know how I want my day and everyday to be but this peaches and cream stuff is make believe so it seems to me. Can I just have a day that is great no problems???? How about the rest of the year, I know that's asking a lot right now but I know I can make it better just give me time...... If you really know what I want then show me and let me know that these days are far to few to worry about! It just seems to often then never that I have one of these days and that is why I have.....

SOME DAYS.......

Are you there?

We are so tied up in our own self existence that we neglect the people that are there for us through all of our trials and tribulations. I want to take this time now to slow down just long enough to acknowledge the ones that have been and still are there for me. If you are since I have been so busy to notice or not notice as the case may be. I apologize now for neglecting you or treating you with an attitude that is not that of what I truly want to reflect.

I know I am an ass when stuff stresses me out and I used to handle this emotion so well but now that I am an open book I can be read and that to me is not the easiest thing in the world to deal with. So try to understand that I am changing and trying not to let my issues reflect poorly or negatively upon you. I hope that this is letting you know that I am working on it and that I need you to work at it as well.

All of you that are still here with me if you are I appreciate everything and you being a friend is never taken with a grain of salt. I just want to know....


ARE YOU THERE????

Perfection

How can it be that I have found the one that I consider perfect?
Are you serious, do I really deserve it?
This can't be the one sitting here next to me caressing my hand.
If I don't get a hold of my self and get both feet back on dry land
I don't know if I will sink or float away.
This high is great and I know that if I ask you now the answer is YES.
If I don't will I maintain this great feeling of euphoria?
Can this be the one?
Your touch sends chills up my spine and goosebumps down to my toes...
This has never happened to me why did it take so long for me to open up?
Is it due to looking at the world with a half empty cup?
No I doubt that I always thought of it as half full...
So what could it be?
Are you here as a game or for a lifetime of love?
I know that I will hold no one higher and love no one as much as I do you.
You compliment me and make me look at things in a new light.
Regardless of everything you have stood by and I appreciate that.
Could it be that I have found something worth fighting for in this crazy world?
I think I have and I know now what it is to have......

PERFECTION.

Mother's Day

What a perfect day I had this Mother's Day....

This would not be possible if not for you and for that I thank you. Every other Mother's Day has been just another day, but now you have shown me that hey you deserve this. I hope that all the mother's out there had a great holiday and they spent it with family and loved ones. This is a day to say thanks for every little detail that our mother's did to ensure that we had a good life no matter how bad off we were.

Mother's make the world what it is and if it were not for them we would not be here... Thank you mom and all the other wonderful ladies out there that do what they need to and handle the responsibility of raising your child correctly. Keep doing what you have always done.

This is one of many....

Mother's Days.......

Raw.

What's wrong with me? I ask myself this when I have something great and push it away because I don't think I deserve it or I may be messing their life up and don't want that to happen. It is never my intention to hurt anyone and I try to communicate openly so that what we have doesn't end or feel one sided. But it seems like I don't know how to really tell you what I want so that makes it look like I'm indecisive. Funny thing I really do know what I want is attainable right at this instant? Possibly.

Seems like I served in the US Military for 8.5 years for nothing and that now that I am out to accomplish my goal in life it keeps being pushed back. One reason or another I can't seem to just stay on top of my game and get this ball rolling in the right direction. Money, time and circumstances all play a role in this. DAMN......

So I am at a crossroad now do I give up on the one thing I want to succeed in life? Do I sustain the greatest thing I have in my life and how do I choose with my jobs I had a decent paying job and I gave it up for another job less pay better hours and environment..... Do I go back to the old job and get stuck? My poor neglected lil bookie, just another issue to add to the puzzle and all the other issues I try to keep bottled in now seem to take a toll on me. Was my decision correct when I got out of the military? What type of toll is this distance taking on my bookie? I'm I stressing for no reason? Is this destroying the great relationship I do have?

I understand no one can answer these questions for me but it is never hurts to hear a suggestion. I know that you are here for me but I feel alone maybe some of the things I have seen and been through are starting to affect me....? I apologize now for any short comings I have brought to the relationship...... Please forgive me and if you can't I understand.

This is me just being true, in other words....

RAW.

Baseball Fans...

Don't you love the smell of sausage sandwich's, hot dogs, peanuts and the great taste of an ice cold beer? Well hey you got to be a baseball fan if you do cause those things are all the great things that go with attending a game or even watching one at home. Going to the game seeing your favorite players and seeing the field prepped. LOVELY that is the word that first came to mind.

Those great orange, blue and black colors of the METS just do it for me... I love the team and have since I was a little tike watching the game with my pops at home. What can I say my pops has great taste and hey it runs in the family. I love going and hearing the fans, me being able to cheer along and get into the game is outstanding.

Another great perk to baseball and hey all sports is what??? Hmmmmm so are you still thinking?

TAILGATE parties!!!!! Yes know until you have really done this you don't know what you are missing but once you do it hey you can just pay for parking screw the game you can listen to it on the radio and then party with the fans as they leave... The food is great and the people are outstanding, the beer is never ending. Now this is something to all my fellow......

BASEBALL FANS!!!!!

Mixed Emotions

If you wake up everyday and see the person you want to be with for the rest of your life and that makes you feel great but and there is always a but..... That person has changed over the last few months with small discrete changes that have now become noticeable and now you are questioning yourself and where the relationship is heading. People change in their relationship due to the feeling of being unaccomplished or lack of a life they imagined having. Do you just sit back and let the relationship crumble with the loss of foundation there is nothing and you may as well, "let it burn".

How do you know when enough is enough? If you try and the person doesn't respond or only responds when they feel they need to, this in turn making you feel content for the time being. But then the companionship and feelings of euphoria you were so used to prior, have now somewhere down the line have become digressing feelings and lack of communication. Now the warning is an abrupt stop or yield sign. This in turn causing conflict with one another for no apparent reason and you do not know how to fix this so that you and the love of your life can move on and learn from this small speed bump in life. Maybe this is the point when one of you has to say HEY I think that we have reached a point and it's not working I don't think it ever will. Which ever the case may be communication is the key to success and will not miss lead you if you are open and honest with the one you love.

Just something that came to mind and right now I am with.....

MIXED EMOTIONS.....

Like Cooked crack...

Do you ever wonder why we have an urge as humanity to test shit on each other.??? I guess it is due to the enjoyment of watching others suffer. Humans get off on this as we can see that by the content in shows, movies and even the news. So when is this going to change or will it? I feel sorry for my bookie and all the other children that have to grow up through this type of hypocrisy that we have become. Hopefully they will out grow this thing we have become to accept as our lives and make better choices than some of the leaders we have had in our past, present and dare I say future. We will find out soon enough if the US has evolved their minds and allowed us to have a female as the leader of this country (that they already refer to as female). England one of the strongest countries and holds down the international market for being the highest exchange rate for currency, has had a female leader for how long??? So lets not hear any of the BS from men saying that there would be issues....

Anyways, just a small notion for you to think on, given a thought wonderful ideas are bound to evolve. Let me stop this one short and let you know that yes I"M BACK.....

LIKE COOKED CRACK!!!!!

Push it to the LIMIT....

Everyday we push ourselves and each other to the limit without even knowing it. Think about it this way your boss is always asking more and more from you and this is due to you accepting and completing the tasks assigned. Subconsciously they are seeing how much you can handle. If you are a parent we expect or kids to live up or exceed a certain standard that we have for them. When they fail we show them how disappointed we are in them by verbal and non-verbal actions. This in turn accounts for their either failures or successes in life. If we as the human race are always negative then in return we get negative feed back or retaliation (IRAQ).

Compare all of the wars in the past this is due to disappointment or disagreeing with the system or religion that is in tact. How do we change this repetitious cycle that seems to have no end just a circle with no way out? Are our children doomed to live in a world with such hostilities and hate crimes due to our actions presently? Funny that racism is still here but the reason it is because we teach each other this remember that hate is learned, also it comes from the fear of the unknown. If we do not know something we tend not to want to know or roll with the stereotypes instead of experiencing first hand. Hate or racism is not only color or culture it is sexual preference, gender, and religious preference. It is time for us as the youth and future of the country to learn to disregard all of the above and teach the right way to see each other. No one is born the same and that is what makes life so intriguing we learn everyday so teach me what you have learned from this.

Can you take this to the next level and.....

PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT????????

Twisted..

It's funny how simple words can so easily become an enormous labyrinth of lies and deceit. Causing everyone close to you pain and heartache. People think they are doing right by telling the truth or just saying what they think everyone else to scared to say. However, in reality they are saying something that was meant one way and to the person it is referred to a completely different meaning is conjured. If you know what you are saying is something that most people would consider rude or inappropriate it is probably better left unsaid unless you are speaking solely to the one it is directed to so there is no room for misinterpretation. So let me say this to the people that are in my life. If you are in my life I have chosen for it to be so and if not that is by choice as well. Thank you to the ones that stand by me regardless of the ups and downs.

This life is one large maze of twists and turns and unexpected mishaps around each corner. What you choose to with it is where you realize your life's meaning. You may be successful and unhappy or be of the lucky few that is successful and happy or maybe just maybe success to you is being happy. Whatever path you take make sure you are flexible and able to adapt to unplanned events in life. What I am trying to say is we can not control every aspect of our life so roll with the punches. Untangle the knots life throws your way and just endure every moment you can just remember to never get....


TWISTED...

Make me stay...

Make me stay the night
Make me stay because to me I know this feels right
Make me stay make me believe this has a meaning
Make me stay tell me there is only a begining and a future no end
Make me stay and show me the new you and the hand you will lend
Make me stay by telling me there are no secrets just purity in love
Make me stay with the belief we can make it and rise above.
Make me stay cause I know this is where I want to be
Make me stay but promise you won't lie
Make me stay or at least try


Make me stay, isn't this what you want?

REAL TALK

Have you been in a situation that you really didn't like but did it for the simple reason that the person you love is there and you did not want to disappoint them? This happens everyday you get to a point in life where you are someone or something you don't know. Hold on, do me a favor real quick look in the mirror take 30 seconds and self analyze is that person you see really you??? If not what are you willing to do to change that and become you again? I hope that all of you that read this have that special someone in your life be it a friend that is true, a family member or a romantic affiliation. But ensure that they are not taking advantage of you and that they are really who you think they are. Analyze the exact time and place you are now and who is around you, is this what you wanted? If so by all means keep doing what you do and if not move on if that means cutting ties or rekindling old flames then that is what you need to do...

Some of use take for granted the people that have helped us most throughout or crazy life and once they are gone they realize damn that was the best thing I have ever had and maybe ever will.. Do we dwell upon or mistakes or do we rectify them by making a new relationship with that old person? Also, some people try to hold on to bad apples too long and this ends up destroying what they have now. If your friends no matter how long they have been your "FRIEND" is making an impact on your private life then you need to let if BURN! People you think are your friends are not always what they seem, look at what they have accomplished and how they represent themselves to the public. If you want to make more of a, well to say it the best way social standing for yourself then some people in your life that try to hate or hold you down have to go...

As we age and try to become more of an intellectual and not a party person (which that is really not my scene anyways), we have to cut our childhood bonds with the people that are not evolving with us. If not you will end up like so many others being old and looking in the mirror wondering who the hell is that person looking back at you. Do yourself a favor I have already done and start cutting the loose ends and retying and restructuring the ones you know are real and beneficial in the end. Never forget that self education never ends so strive for excellence.


All right this is real and out right blunt but it's me and I am just trying to give you some...

REAL TALK

Peace and Happiness

That is what they say love means. Love also means pain but the pain is a relapse of issues that you have had or drama you have brought in to each others life in reality pain is one of the many virtues of human nature. I believe we can not help ourselves and we do some things without always thinking of the consequences or repercussions it may cause to our loved ones. When people cheat I don't always believe that they do it intentionally meaning to hurt the one they supposedly love. I think that this is sometimes a signal that they are not ready for the type of relationship they are in they might never be ready for a real relationship and you need to let them go regardless of how much it may hurt. If you are lucky enough to find that one that regardless of your flaws forgives and forgets and is there through thick and thin and you both are on that other level knowing that you trust each other with your lives, than you are of a lucky few. I hope that one day everyone will be able to evolve (mature) to that level where they don't cheat and are happy with the one that they are with. Don't take this out of context and think that what I am saying is to make your life bland and boring what I am saying is when you do grow up, if you ever do you will know being with that one special person is the greatest thing in the world.

I know that we only have a certain amount of time here and everyone wants to make an imprint in or a crinkle in our time line so that they may be remembered for something great. How about this, you already have to someone that loves you and all the people around you. This may not be the entire world but when it all boils down to it, it's not really going to matter in the end. Right now is what really matters so love the one you are with whole hearted and forgive and forget the small things remember if that person truly makes you happy make them happy and do everything in your power to be true and show them they really mean the world to you. I hope that all of you can find true love like I have and with that you will find.....

PEACE AND HAPPINESS

Whispers..

I know I am awake and alone but for some reason I hear your voice it is clear but low similar to a whisper soft and sweet. The sound sends chills up my spine and gives me goose bumps. For an instance I believe you are here in my presence. I can see your beautiful eyes and cute dimples. I smell you and can feel your breath on my neck. I feel the way you gently graze your hand over my arm and across my cheek. Damn I want to hold you and ask you how was your day. I close my eyes and lazily lay back to let you keep me in this somber state I have fell into. You tell me that you love the way I look at you and that you think I am sexy. I laugh and go along with the conversation that you have engaged me in. If only I could tell you the way I feel about you I know I tell you I love you but do you really know how much you mean to me? My mind is going in overdrive thinking of all the wonderful things I love about you. Happiness is what I have found and just laying here now I have realized that this is because I allowed you to get this close.

In the distance I hear music it is getting loader now...... DAMN, its my cell phone and you were never really here in the first place. For that one instant I swear I heard your.....

WHISPERS

Endurance

Do you have what it takes to go that extra mile? No I don't mean the stamina I mean the mental and physical endurance that it takes for you to go above and beyond what is expected of you? Have you trained your entire mind, body and soul to endure the most gruelling tasks? Can the person you hold dear to you depend on you in their time of need will you be able to handle or better yet endure the task at hand? Be it standing by them in their low and high points giving one hundred percent support regardless if you agree or disagree in the decisions they have made. Will you be there by their side through any sickness, cancer, HIV, mental instabilities?

I hope that all of you that are special to me know that I have what it takes to go that extra mile, yard, hour, whatever it takes to be there and show you I support you, I will do. They say you can measure ones importance by how many true friends you have and who shows to your funeral or your time of need say for instance you are in the hospital. I am not always going to be there but if I know that you are going through something I will be sure to send, call or write to ensure you know I have your back and I am here for YOU. We take for granted the things we have and what is in front of us today thinking they will be there tomorrow or next year but we need to remember the only sure time is the time we have RIGHT now. All I am asking is do you have the.....

ENDURANCE????

Time Will Tell....

Why do you always hear the older generation tell you: "don't rush, with time you will know"? So they tell us this and we think a week is a long time. Then with age comes patience so they say. Well with time do I get any good things or does this fall in the category of only time will tell. Maybe I am just too anxious and I want to know right now. What if adults didn't tell us their mistakes and we just kept messing up the same way they did? Would this life we live turn into a repetitious mass of deja-vu? It seems that with time comes wisdom but I have yet to see some of my peers grow out of their immature state of mind. Why is it that one day someone tells you they love you and the very next tell you they hate you? Why do friends never stay in contact when they promise, oh you try but it seems that they out grow you or turn into someone else?

I don't want to loose any of my friends; past, present or future. Are you going to be there when I need a shoulder to lean on or lend an ear to listen or your shirt to dry my tears? I hope that you all know that I am here for you regardless and would never do anything but support all of you in all aspects of life. Some of you are closer to me than others and others well I would do the same for you as I would my own fam. I hope that everyone takes out of life more than what's expected, because to settle for what you have is to except defeat. Be happy for what you have but strive for what you want. Remember you are the one that makes the difference in not only your life but everyone around. When you find that one true love you will know and you will do everything to keep that person happy. You never know how long you have so make the best of what you do have because only......

TIME WILL TELL.

Pain....

Why is it so easy to hurt someone or walk by a bum knowing you have the change and it only takes a split second to drop it in their cup? Are we that closed mind that we think, "if I ignore it, it will all go away"? Well the reality is that in some way or another we all cause each other pain and instead of helping heal it we proceed and make the situation worse. Did you ever stop and think that everything that you do affects someone else not just you...? I know you have heard the saying for every action there is an equal or great reaction. Correct? If you haven't now you have and this is so true.

Think of it this way, if you go out rob a bank (a little extreme but a good example) this affects you, the economy and your family. Americans in general are all too selfish and then you have the ones that act "too" self-righteous. Come on give me a break we all have flaws so don't point your finger. It all comes down to KARMA what a lovely word because the more you do the worse off you will be in the end. So do what you do and keep right on causing that...

PAIN

Holidays....

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This is the best time of the year, so they say!!! Actually to tell you the truth I love the snow and family time and the hectic running with the sparatic spending and the constant guessing on what would be the perfect gift for everyone. Then there is that special someone for the people that are lucky enough to have met their other half. The stress in making sure what you get is perfect, but also knowing that whatever you get them will be perfect because it comes from you.

I miss the snow, here in NY it is cold but it has yet to snow. I am literally "Dreaming of a White Christmas" like Bing Crosby. I love the food and that extra warmth you get when you come home or think of old family traditions that you still want to carry on in to your own family. I miss my family and I know that they will have a great time together this holiday season I just want them to know I love you and I am thinking of you. To all of my friends I hope that you are doing well and that you are with loved ones or good friends this holiday season. Here are some pics from the parade of lights in Montana where my daughter is with my mom at least they get snow:


This is my brother and his daughter(below left) and my sister and Kiyara and my niece(below right):

















Here are some pics from the other night at Rockafeller Center:
























Me and Maria at Rockafeller Center.