LOST LOVE

I wish yesterday were here 2day
and he would be beside me, and as we lay
Close to one another; my head on his chest
Warm and naked I can feel his skin on mine
The very thought of him arouses me like no other
Anytime, anyplace I need him, I want him; yearning to love him
Why did he leave, then let me find him and
But for some reason a road block has kept me a far
I have my hammer and chisel ready and willing to work hard
at breaking down those barriers and layers of ice
That have caused this cold heart
A heart that once looked at me like I was a Queen
It was definitely love cuz my heart saw him as a King
A King who has been through hell and back
Not loved right and mistreated; this is a fact
Lord knows I understand cuz I've been through similar things
But all I know is I would give anything...you hear me; anything
To have yesterday back, days when I was your Queen and u were my King
Days when we spent endless hours lost in each others thoughts
lusting and loving each other, showing u how much I care
So if u ever hear this or find these words that I write
Know that those were the best times of my life
And no one could ever replace the truth...I LOVE YOU

This one was one that I really debated on putting on here since I know that people are going to read this, the funny thing is, I write stuff similar to this all the time I just don't like people to see this side of me... True feelings, raw emotions, uncensored, keep it real. Hope that you liked this one and tell me how you feel... Did I lose you just to find you again and lose you all over?

LOST LOVE.....

Face Value.......

What does this phrase mean to you? Let me ask you this do you take a conversation for instance at face value or do you read in to it? How about a relationship, do you take it for face value or do you think there is something more. Face Value, those two simple words can get you in to so much trouble because if you always take it for face value, you might just lose the greatest thing you have ever known in your life. There are some things that you should take for face value or the term that means the same, "with a grain of salt". If you can do this through out life you will be alone, maybe you would like that and really have no feelings for the people you affect. Myself I take each day as the last and remember that everyone I meet is someone special, if not to me they mean the world to someone and you need to give them respect, even if they are rude towards you. Remember you are the one that chooses who you take at face value and who you take for who they really are. Face value, could be as shallow as there physical beauty, or body, not them as a person. Face value could be you loving someone for there families money or their own money. Face value to say the least is being shallow. To each your own, but what do you view people as, themselves or for their.....

FACE VALUE......

Frustrated.....

Hmmmmm. How can I start this. Well, let's just start it like this, I don't need anything, but I have one question for you.... If I stopped talking to you today, would you cry? No, that's what I thought, so why should I cry over you? Funny we are so selfish that we think that world revolves around us. Look at the big picture it revolves around everyone and effects everyone so stop and try to help as many people as you can. I am not trying to say not to be happy in your life but remember there are other people that you can help. I feel that I am lost a lot of the time and I need guidance but I feel that a lot of my friends don't seem to come through for me, funny how you are there for them when needed but they are not for you???? Frustrated, because it is funny how you hear something from someone you haven't known long enough to call someone but you would take their word due to the fact they sleep with you but you and your friends might have a fall out???? Frustrated, because how would you act, think about that... Pre-judge, that's wrong.... Frustrated, because I give my all and don't recieve a 110% in return. Anger solves nothing and you need to talk to me about everything so that I can do my best to understand and give my assistance to help. Remember who was there for you before that cat showed up and before you meet that girl if needs be ....HUH. Adrion, I know you just got to Iraq pa, I like the blog you set off, I miss you so much fam and I am missing you like crazy I wish that we could be together at the same duty station. Yo, if you need anything let me know for real for real. I got you, naw mean, I want you to meet Rod, for real. Holla at me when you can. Rod, please think about what you do, hell everyone think about what you do.... Love you fam(Smoke and Adrion). But you know I am...

FRUSTRATED.....

This Goes Out....

This goes out to everyone that is someone's daughter or son. You know some things that you need in life are love, attention, and gratitude. I am proud of all my friends, Cara and Edith, for real you guys are off the chain and where ever I go I will always keep in touch with you. Edith, you have so much potential and opportunities in front of you, now you just need to get focused and get out there and get what you want. I am glad that you are happy with your man, my boogie down partner. Remember that if you ever need a shoulder, mami I am here for you, I will never judge you for the things that you say or do, but I will help try to mentor you and lead you down the right track when you get lost. Cara, what can I say, you turned me in to an alcoholic..LOL No, for real though I am so glad that we can talk about everything and not worry about one or the other talking about each other or judging, you know. Glad that you as well have found someone that makes you happy. Keep doing you and if you ever need something get at me. Aaron, you are my brother maybe not by blood, but I know that we are fam. I am so glad that we became so close and no matter where you go if you need anything you always will have a way to get in contact with me. Don't get lost again, if you feel that you are starting to go down that path you know who is there, ME (smile). Jen, you know already that me and you will remain friends, where ever our endeavors take us. You are off the chain just remember that if you need someone to talk to I am always going to be here. I am never more than a phone call, e-mail or letter away. Rod, what else is there to say you know already. A little advice just remember that if you got something good don't let it go, do everything you can to do right by them. Remember, that when someone cares about you they might act out of character sometimes but it is concern and a natural thing, maybe you never had someone care about you before so when someone acts out you act stupid toward them....? This is to everyone you know advice is free are you willing to listen. Remember, that everything you do comes back on you three times over. One last thing, people may think they know you by the way you seem, but only a few truly know you for you. I had to do this for you all and if you are not in this one there are more to come cause.....

THIS GOES OUT........

To My Brother.....

Josh, what can I say...? Hey Jewish, you are the one that always was crazy and off the chain, and I can't believe that I was the one blamed for all the BS you know. But I am so glad that we are friends which means so much more than just being sister and brothers, you know. We been through a lot right, yo? I just want to let you know that I appreciate you being there and doing my work that pops used to give us.. How you like me now..LOL I know that you remember all those times I had to cover for you when you had been drinking or your dumb ass friends had been at the house being start stupid... I miss the close calls sometimes, yo, for real I wanted to tell on you sometimes (smile). Yo, remember that time when we left school and went shopping with your credit card, or that time that Josh (Reynolds) had all those damn straws like 60 of them hooked together from McDonald's and had them hanging out the window. Yo, or the time that we were having that house party and everyone was drunk and passed out and then pops came home early... I thought that we were busted for real. I am glad that you always supported me for not drinking and not smoking (anything) LOL. I love you, yo and you have been there for me when I need someone to talk to just like I was there for you as I am still. Remember, that I am not hard on you just cause, I do it cause I don't know how to be me anymore... Can you help me be me again? Yo, I hope that you read this and you know that you mean much more to me than I have ever told you. This is just a little something that is....

TO MY BROTHER......

Clear My Mind..

Can you help me clear my mind? I have a lot on it, are you sure that you are willing to take on the burden to help me clear my mind? Everyone has something that is on their mind, you know we are constantly thinking of something. Is what is on your mind something worth keep your mind foggy? Is there something that you want to talk about? Does it seem like there is no one to turn to? Do you need to clear your mind? Keep in mind that the burdens you share with me are strictly between me and you.... Trust, I will not tell your secrets, they are yours and you confide in me for a reason, right??? To simply clear your mind... Can you listen to me, can I confide in you and trust you with all my inner most secrets? I need to clear my mind, are you who I think you are? Are you going to talk, laugh or joke about me? When you are around I am immensely amused by the way you show you care about me. Is this a front? On the phone you show concern in your voice and give me a feeling of serenity. Are you the one that is here for me to clear my mind, and confide in? I know that I am here for you, if you need me reach out, I am always there. Thinking, worrying, wanting, just you.... Can I be the one to help you.....

CLEAR YOUR MIND.....

Ode to a dear friend.........

My friend that has been there through my Korean experience that is my brother, for life. I know that we will part on good terms and that the times that we shared here, be them good bad or indifferent were all worth it. I know that we have been through a lot together and had each other to lean on and confide in. You are the one that I would consider true to heart and I am glad that I was able to help you find yourself you know. I am also glad that you helped me relax and start letting loose and not really being up tight about so much... You know what I mean. We will take with us our sister, Giggles, she has been the one that is off the Richter. I love you, ma, you keep the party going...(Smile) You know that you me and P had some real good times. Cara, had to be the one that made me and you turn in to alcoholics, LOL not trying to blame you...(smile) Those times will never be forgotten. Jen, she has been chillin with us for the past 6 months almost and damn, everyone has had some great times, you are off the chain and I know you mean a lot to P and me.. Yo, Smoke Dogg, you know that you are leaving with a piece of my heart. You know all of my trials and tribulations and you met Fish a piece of my past and now my present and he told you everything that I told you about me.. You just know that I am real and you have let me be me. People are so scared to be themselves and I think that I make people feel at ease around me so that they can act themselves regardless and not worry about impressing someone. My heart will be missing a big piece when you leave but I know that if I don't see a majority of the people I have met through out my military career I will see you again for sure. Make sure that you never forget that you are the one that makes a difference in so many lives and that you need to keep a good head on your shoulders and when times get rough I will be there supporting you through what ever you are going thru. Hope that you know this, I love you man.... This is not but a touch of what I want to say so stay tuned for future posts..
The only way to express is to show you this...

ODE TO A DEAR FRIEND...

Relationships

In a relationship, if I could get the five things..........that would really make my heart sing....
1. A love that wont die....
2. Eyes that wont cry.....
3. And lips that wont lie...
4. A heart that will mend...
5. A life so that I`ll sacrifice...

These are what I want I don't know what it is you want, tell me so that this thing can work. Only communication can make something work. Talk out the issues be it good or bad let that person know what is wrong. If you don't you build up so much, anger that you will begin to hate that person and the love dies. Remember a relationship, be it friends, family or lovers, is a two way street. You are probably wondering why I always write on love, but if you took the time to read you will see that I write on everything. Keep up all efforts to love like it is your first love and live life like its your last breath. Always remember have no regrets.

"You can`t make someone love you, just be the one who can be loved"...."Love is when you dont sleep and think that reality is better than a dream".........................
So keep this thing strong and remember that regardless of the relationship it is the effort you put forth that determines the results... Everything revolves around....

RELATIONSHIPS......

Everytime....

Everytime I go to sleep I think of you
Everytime I think about you I get weak
Everytime I am alone I wish you were near
Everytime I hear the phone ring I think it's you I will hear
Everytime I am about to just give up you give me hope
Everytime I need you, you are there
Everytime I want to give up you push me
Everytime I think there is no point you give me one
Everytime I want to be comforted you try your best
Everytime I need a friend you give me your full attention
Everytime I think that the world has given up you let me know they are waiting on me
Everytime I need family you step in and be my long distance love
Everytime I want to tell you thank you for all you do, you tell me thank you
Everytime I look at you I get lost and forget all the problems I am having
Everytime I think that you are leaving you stay and give me the attention I need
Everytime I act out of character I need you to know it is because I can't help it I CARE for U
Everytime you do something for me I love it, LOVE, everything....

EVERYTIME.........

I LOVE YOU.......

Three of the most powerful, miss used and abused words in the world. How can those three small words do so much? To think that without out one another they are harmless. But when you say I love you to someone that means that you are committed and would not doing anything grimey to hurt that person. No playing on the side giving your number to meaningless people, you know that in the end all this does is cause drama. You let these feelings control your emotions, some people say they love you and really just say I love you, because they think that is what you want to hear. Maybe, they say it to try to keep you, knowing they really don't love you. Despite the notion that love is all you need, you really need to be loved you can love all day, but at the end of the day, is the love being returned? Can you go on saying those words, thinking you mean them but not really? Is love in the world a game or is there still people out there that truly know what love is and understand that love is work and that you have to put all efforts forward, not half ass. You can not fully love some one if you have prior engagements. Leave the drama alone, trust is there and earned, but is taken when you act a fool. Don't leave room for error, make sure they know you care. It's not fun to be hurt, specially when you find out the others dirt. Damn, the things that happen to us in our lives is not always the best. Make sure that you are never scared to live and love, when you do it, do it all out don't hold back. Jealousy is a hard thing to hide, fight or deal with, everyone has it, how do you deal with it. I act very different then others and some might think that it is childish or crazy but the way I deal with my problems is to not talk when I am mad but to talk later when I am level headed. Nothing is resolved when you yell and scream or argue about something. If you tell someone that you love them then mean it don't just say it to hear it. I know when I have said it the few times I have always meant it, funny I never told Q I loved him, I told him I had love for him, never loved him the way I love someone now. Never thought that love would be like this, now I know it takes work and patience I knew part of that but now I know. Think about everything you say everyday and if you really do love that special someone you can whole heartedly say......

I LOVE YOU........

Maybe..........

Maybe we are supposed to meet the wrong ones before we meet the good one, because this will make us appreciate them more. Maybe, a good friend is someone that you can just sit with, without saying anything and when you walk away think that is the best conversation you ever had. Maybe, it's true that we don't know what we have until it's gone, and we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives. Maybe, when the door of happiness closes, there is always another door opening to welcome us. Maybe, we miss the opportunity to go through the new door due to the fact that we are stuck looking at the door that closed on us. Maybe, we have a lot of good things in our life that we just take for granted, unknowingly. Maybe, someone in your life gave you everything that you should have but never had in a relationship, or friendship but didn't know what to do and you hurt them in the end. Maybe, we should remember that when we love someone we should never expect love in return, we should let it grow and if it doesn't then be happy knowing that it grew in you. Maybe, we should know that it takes a minute to crush someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Maybe love plays a big role in our lives and a lot of us are scared to love again from the past miss happenings. Maybe, you have everything that you ever needed right in front of your face, you just don't know what to do with it, or you might ask yourself is this for real? Maybe, there are things that we can not explain we just do them and never wonder why, do you wonder why? Maybe, life deals us the hands due to the fact that we are all made different we just have to learn to live with our imperfections. Maybe, the one you love hopefully loves you just as much if not more for everything excepts you for every flaw and imperfection that you have. Maybe I am just a person that has something to say and looking for someone to hear it, what do you think? Maybe, the person that has my love is the luckiest person in the world, the boundaries are limitless and you should no there is nothing I won't do for you. Maybe, we all have something that bonds us to life's struggles but we all have to remember that we have choices and making the one that makes you happy is the one you should choose, but remember that sometimes we have to make sacrifices to make ourselves and the ones you love happy. Maybe you should ask yourself what is in store for you, because there is always something good for you in store and remember there is always....

MAYBE.....

Never Change....

Remember the first person you fell in love with? Your love was so innocent, you had not been corrupted be false love or lies that some many of us have come to find. Remember that feeling when the two of you were apart you never felt fulfilled? Like life was so different without that special someone? Love had no plays sometimes it hurt but it felt good and gave you those silly butterflies in your stomach. You felt like a little kid in a candy store every time you saw them or thought about them. I just want that same old innocence back you know. Love should be pure, innocent and flawless. Not saying there is not pain and struggle in love but like Frederick Douglass said. "without struggle there is no progress," this is true in every aspect of life, specially when it comes to love. With love you meet and fall in love with the person for that person what ever they look like or act like and look past all their imperfections. That is why no matter how they change when you grow old you are supposed to love them regardless. The outside (body) might change but they are still the person you initially fell in love with. That is why a lot of people that are friends and lovers to you always tell you never change, they love you for you. Don't change for anyone you are unique and that is why they fell for you in the first place. Keep your oginality and everything that makes you, you. I don't ever want you to change baby you are original and I love that about you pa.....

NEVER CHANGE...........

Have I met you...

I have one question, have I met you before?
I know I love you and have feelings for you, but have I met you somewhere before?
It seems like we have known each other for awhile maybe even a time prior to now, have I met you before?
How can we have so much in common and talk on the phone and laugh like we are reminiscing of the past, have I met you before?
What makes you different from the others, is there something I don't know, have I met you before?
Why do you have this effect on me, have I met you before?
I need to know why I feel this way for you, have I met you before?
Do we have a past, present or even future together, have I met you before?
Can you calm my nerves and tell me.....

HAVE I MET YOU BEFORE......

Funny thing is I have and now I know it was there the whole time. It took you to come back, for you to see what you meant to me.. Funny how the past plays a major role on your future. You know I love you right????

Hard In The Paint.........

Can you consider this statement vulgar or uncouth? If that is what you think that means... To me it is doing the very best I can do and going above and beyond the limitations or standards set. You know that when I come in I go in hard and go out hard. The only way to get ahead in this life is to be noticed. The things that are funny is to see someone weak get their ankles broke by a mean crossover cause I took you to the hole and yes you know I went hard in the paint.!! The best thing is when you see the strong assist the weak they say only the strong survive but why would you want that? How about everyone comes out by going hard in the paint some just need a little extra support. My sister Krystal is a number one stunna and is off the chain she goes hard in the paint everyday, she has problems with her heart but she doesn't let that stop her from going out and getting dirty. She is great in the sport of volleyball and gives her all, that's going hard in the paint. My mother, is my heart she is forever doing something to help out with my daughter, she takes care of home, with my two sisters, and my step dad whose cancer is back so you know she goes hard in the paint. My grandmother, is the lifeline of our family, she ensures regardless of what she is going through and everyone else that our family stays in tact, she definitely goes hard in the paint. My Aunt Maura, you are so off the chain and keep me smiling just hope that you will never loose your childness, you go hard in the paint, you fought cancer and won. Rod, sometimes life gives you a hand that is not great but baby boy you know that there are things out there that happen for a reason, damn, look you found me after how long, coincidence, I think not, you will always come out on top, pa because you never give up, regardless I will always be there for you I got nothing but love for you baby, you always go hard in the paint, crash the boards, pa. Smoke Dogg, man the stuff that we've been through here, funny huh, never thought that life would deal you this one? You know we always talk through stuff I got you for the male perspective and the big brother aspect and you got me for the lil sister and female aspect, you are always going to be posting up and going hard in the paint. Jen, you have changed so much towards the good since me and you have been hanging out together and I think that is so great you are learning to be more self proficient and not really caring about opening up anymore, that is going hard in the paint, ma. Laura, you know since I have been here I always like joking with you and if you ever need anything you can always get at me I got your back, remember that. You have changed a lot as well, you are more relaxed and keep up the can do attitude don't get into a rut where you think everyone is picking on you, remember you could work my job...LOL. Keep going hard in the paint. Sly, you know from what I have seen and talked to you, you atleast have some sense and you definitely go hard in the paint, pa. Dawit, you know you have been through a lot pa, and you are still kickin' don't give up on anything and I won't give up on you, when you are down I will help you up and just remember that the things you have been through and you came out of made you a better person and for that you go hard in the paint. Adrion you have had a lot of growing and experience that was just thrown upon you in the past year and you handled it well I am so glad that we are fam, you will always go hard in the paint. Adrian, pa you are the one, you are always there with a comment and suggestion I hope that you keep up the knowledge and start writing more you know, keep going hard in the paint. Shami, Jerry, Cara, Giggles, and Michelle, you are all a great asset in my life and I appreciate all you do, keep going hard in the paint. Will (DeCory), you will never know how hard I went in the paint for you, but that is all right pa, everyone changes and talking to you now you seem changed and that is great. I hope that we will be friends in the future and remain that until it is exhausted, you have a great family and I know you know that keep going hard in the paint. I love all of yous, if I didn't put you in here, it doesn't mean that you aren't going hard in the paint or that you don't mean something to me, I just have to end somewhere, I will get you on one of these, keep reading and you will never be disappointed. How do you assess yourself? Can you honestly say that you go.....

HARD IN THE PAINT......

Always.....

I have heard and learned alot of things in my life. One thing that stuck with me is, a saying that went something like this. Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. Don't cry over anyone that won't cry for you. Good friends are hard to find, even harder to leave and impossible to forget. You can only go as far as you push yourself, actions speak louder than words. The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else. Don't live in the past, because you are missing all the good stuff now.... life's too short. Friendship is like the breeze, you can not hold it, smell it, taste it, or know when it is coming. But you can always feel it, and you will always know it is there. It may come and go but you know it will always be back. Rememeber to always give your all in everything in all you do, as long as you know you did your best there is no regrets. Always love like it is your first, always play like it is your last game, always study like you are taking a final. Remember that you can make the difference in your life and in someone elses, don't hold back the potential you were given. Make sure you always smile, always say to someone even if you don't know them. Always think that there are others in worse predicaments then yourself. Always give with a kind heart, and always remember that someone loves you back. Can you say that you are the one that does everything to the fullest......

ALWAYS..........

To everyone that I have met along the way... I will ALWAYS give you my all. Who knows, when we go.... Today is today, tomorrow might not come, so holla at ya girl. If you want something or someone then go take that chance you never know they might want you....

Is the love still good

Have you ever been away and thought that when you get back everything would be the same? Is that one person you loved before or just wanted to know better different when you finally see them again? But you want to be like old times so you try it out anyways, is the love still good? Can you really say that you both haven't moved on to bigger and better things? Or honestly say that they are not the person you remember or fell in love with? Is the love still good? Keep up the fire and try to never stop it from burning instead of trying to re-kindle the fire. There is always something lost when you try to start again. Is the love still good? Have you ever asked yourself why you are with the person you are with? Is it because you think they will change and become something you want them to, or something that they once were? Is the love still good? I hope that you always can keep that fire burning strong no matter what happens, make sure you keep the love good. I know that the love is still good for me...LOL I haven't changed too much if any and I like the way that I am. I can grow and develop with the person that I am with. Yes, the love is still good, is it for you? Next time think about this do you want to remember people for who they were or do you want to take a chance and see who they are now? You might never think of them the same but it is all up to you.....

Is the love still good......

Can I be....

Can I be your sunshine on a cloudy day?
Can I be your strength when you are weak?
Can I be the one you turn to in good and bad times?
Can I be your family, friend and confidon?
Can I be the only one that seems to get you thru the day?
Can I be the one that always makes you happy?
Can I be the friend that you never had?
Can I be everything you are not?
Can I be with you for whom I am?
Can I be just me?

Can I be....

For anyone that this touches I will be there for you...

I AM............

I AM:

I am the one that love pursues
I am beauty in an ugly world
I am athletic when the world is lazy I stay active
I am envied by few and loved by many
I am purity in its purest form
I am loving, caring and nurturing in a world of disregard
I am waiting on you to catch up with me
I am your strength when you can't go on
I am your hope when all else has failed you
I am simple in a fast paced, complicated world
I am soft, gentle and humble without losing my pride
I am everything I want to be
I am just me.......

I AM.... By: ME for my lovely lil sister (Babs)

Conscious

You ever watch, Pinocchio, when you were a kid? Do you remember Jimney Cricket? Your conscious is a powerful thing and can have you do right if you listen to it. Some people chose to do otherwise. I find myself a lot of times in situations where I should have left or I doubt that the person I am doing the stuff for really doesn't care or they are just using me. Some how I put that to the side and move forward with the task at hand. I know that I can give and forget, but receive and never forget and that is the way it should be. Give with a light heart and receive with a mind full of new memories to cherish. Is your conscious clear or is it heavy with regret? Only you can clear your conscious, you should start now. I live life to the fullest everyday, love to my fullest potential and give my all in everything I do. I know that you are always going to have something on your mind but make sure that you don't carry heavy burdens with you through life. This gives extra strain and allows you to hold back from living and enjoying life to its full potential. If you know or have a feeling that what you are doing is grimey stop think about the pain and suffering that might come along with it. Your conscious is there to steer you down the right path, you live and learn and life's lessons play a role in your conscious. Remember what ever you put into life you will get back, your kindness is always rewarded may not always be right away but it will come back to you. Your wrong doings will come back to you ten times over. Think about that voice the next time you want to do something, it is telling you the right thing that is your......

CONSCIOUS....

Imagine That

Never would have in a dream that would be considered one of the best, thought that I would come to have daughter that is so beautiful and smart. She is the one that makes me get through the hardest situations, no matter what I go through I know that she is there waiting for me. I have to set the example, me a mom who would have imagined that? Not me, I am a kid myself, always playing and having fun. I found that you don't have to change all that much when you have a kid you just have to be more strict and watch what you do in front of them. My daughter is my best friend and I am glad to have been blessed with a child like this. Funny how I used to talk alot of junk and say I don't ever want to be married never want kids and I am never going to change. I have come to this median in life where, I want a family, I'm ready to settle down, but the other one I don't know if I will ever grow up all the way. I like to have fun, can't lose my edge. There is a time to have fun and i know when the time to be serious is so why should I have to lose all of me all together? You ever think that you never want kids? Well one day that will change and you will find yourself saying I want a kid that I can spoil, oh they are so cute. I think that my friends tease me when they get to see the other side of me but I am all right with that, I love to cook and all that, imagine that, me???? Are you next? Did you ever think that you would be where you are now? Have you done what you've wanted or thought you would? Have you changed and is it really all that bad? Now that you are who you are, is it what you thought or is so different that you never would have....

IMAGINED THAT....