Struggle

Do I give up when I feel the darkness closing in

Difficulty breathing, pressure on my neck

Forced down with no resolution in sight

Everyone is gone, I am.... alone

How do I overcome something I don't know or can't see

Without support, without love, loneliness is my new best friend

Darkness overcomes me

No light of day, no sign of night, just cold dull emptiness

This is the end of my struggle

Questions

Some people ask questions knowing the answer they are given is not what they want to hear... So I ask you this - why ask the question in the first place? Is it to make yourself feel good or maybe to be heard.....

In life we go day by day wondering what the actual meaning of life is.... I don't have the answer to that question because if you really think about it everyday we get older and as we get older we come closer to facing our maker... Living to die what a strange statement but yet so true. We are born we grow to whatever age it is be it to young or average or elder we are really just living to die.....

Oh yes you can argue the fact that people are making an impact and there is more to life than death but the reality is life is air, chaos, and ups and downs and death is, well death is peace. hhhmmmm I bet you never put it in that perspective or even thought about life in such a way. Well I am not trying to take your high on life aspect away I am just saying look at what life really means to you... But the end result for ALL of us is death.

Make of it what you will cause the truth is tomorrow could be your last day. With that enjoy your chaotic, run of the mill lifestyle and hope that you made a difference if that is what you strive for otherwise hope that you made yourself and the ones you love happy.

What is love to you?

So as I read some famous and some anonymous quotations I learn that love conquers all and defeats many but also educates us at the same time. I am still learning what love is to me and why love takes on some many different shapes and manipulates people into doing and becoming something they are not. Here are some quotations that may help you understand or start asking questions to figure what love is to you and if you truly have found LOVE.

Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi :

"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."

Anonymous:

"Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same."

"A person can be in love with someone forever till the end of time. But if that person doesn't tell or show the feelings of love, it will be just another person living in a dream, lost of true love."

James Bryden:

"Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. It thrives in the face of all life's hazards, save one: neglect."


Jeff Melvoin:

"Is love supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops? If I loved her, how could I leave her? If I felt that way then, how come I don't feel anything now?"

One of my favorites:

Percy Bysshe Shelley:

"Love withers under constraints: its very essence is liberty: it is compatible neither with obedience, jealousy, nor fear: it is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited where its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve."

Something that makes sense in a world of madness..

I was reading and came upon a quote that makes more sense than most. I hope you feel the same since we all are here together in this waking nightmare of what we call life. It is what it is and it is what we make it. The only person to blame for your life is yourself. If you disagree then you are in denial, sorry friend.... Wake up live in reality for reality is what you make of it. Your reality is your perception on life.

"The world as it stands is no illusion, no phantasm, no evil dream of night; we wake up to it again for ever and ever; we can neither forget it nor deny it nor dispense with it" - Henry James

Why am I so indecisive?

I know what I want yet at the same time I am stuck between reality and fantasy.

What is it that I really want?

Do I go on acting as if I know that everything is ok and that I am a civilian.

All I know is the military.

Do I go back and ruin what I have in my life now and settle for familiarity?

My life to me is spinning in a circle of lifeless emotions with no real direction.

My heart flutters every time I see a text or e-mail from you

Your voice makes my day seeing you smile makes my night

Somehow with you my life has direction you are my medium, my equilibrium

With nothing making sense and being a broken compass my life no has meaning

Maybe there is a meaning for my indecisiveness...

Could it be YOU?

Ripple

Are you the calm in the storm??

Or are you the ripple in a calm lake??

There are two things in life. The ordinary person or the extraordinarily original person. Both live in and around us and we may work with them. The question is which one are you?

We can make something of our lives or we can go with the flow and just be mainstream non-thinkers to put it simple. If you are the mainstream go with the flow type there is no real thought in our daily process. You get up same time everyday, shower, dress and go to the same boring job. Now the ripple maker is someone that gets up at different times does something different as much as possible does not do the stereotypical dress code for the work place. They seem happy most of the time for no apparent reason. This baffles the mainstream calm person. How is it we both work for our money but the ripple is much happier?

Well the simple answer is the ripple is doing what they want within reason. We all have a ripple in us it's just the few that take real advantage of it that seem to enjoy their short time here.

Maybe we should all at one point in our meaningless lives make or be that.....


RIPPLE.

The Economy

So with all the talk of the recession and the stock market crash I can imagine how a lot of people are on pins and needles. The funny thing is if you are really paying attention to the news and analysts then you would notice no one really knows what's going on or they are just being undeceive asses.

Early this morning while turning to go down Wall St from Broadway I was stopped by a radio DJ to interview me on the issues with the stock market. Funny that he asked me questions that I really haven't given too much thought to. The government is trying its best to cushion the impact the recession would have if or when it happens.

First, we have Bush trying to leave on all right terms by giving us an extra refund check... hhhhmmmmm strange that sounds like something that someone had put in place for us before when we as the great USA had finally come out of deficit. I do believe that was Bill Clinton that did that.

Second, they just cut the interest rate on loans (mortgage and other) and credit cards by 3%. (Federal Reserve emergency cut.)

So what will number three be? I can't wait to see what it is........ Yeah that's what I say now but everything is seeming to go in a good way, but the tables can turn quickly we just need to be aware of the things going on around us.

Lets just hope that we start doing better and we go up instead of down. One of the major concerns for people unsure should be....

THE ECONOMY...

New Beginning

It is time for me to step ahead of the past and start fresh with a new beginning.

The first thing on this path will be to cut off any loose ends, anyone that was a friend or I thought they were but they do no effort of being one. CUT

Second every goal I achieve is for myself not for someone else.

Third things that make me happy in life need to come first I am tired of always trying to please everyone else.

Fourth take some me time once in awhile discover what I have been missing find what really makes me happy and do it.

Fifth try to ensure I have a stable and happy family life at home.

These are a few things that will guide and help me start my new beginning. So if you are a true friend and you want to stay in contact do it I am not the only one that has a phone or an e-mail. Put some effort in to it no one said everything was easy. I hope that everyone has a new beginning at some point in there life this is my....

NEW BEGINNING.

2008

So it's starts the beginning of the new year is here and time for us to start fresh.

I am starting to go back to the gym, eat right again and hopefully get a promotion. Things that have changed over the past few years are major but I have to stay focused and make sure that everything stays on track. With the new year I have planned to do four major things and would like them all to be done prior to 2009.

1. Get back in shape and help my family (health wise)

2. College

3. Save Money for our house

4. Travel

So those things are all things I better have accomplished prior to this year ending. The funny thing with resolutions is that people can say the greatest things in the world but it takes discipline and will power to accomplish those goals. So I set different things, I just set things I want to accomplish not things that sound good. Everyone has their motives but mine are going to be accomplished.

Wishing you the best for:

2008

2007 in a nutshell

So today is the last day of "2007". What a great and wondrous year this has been.
You may wonder what I have been up to over the past year so here is a quick recap.


I finally experienced that wonderful feeling of being able to quit a job.
I am back with DHL Express in Manhattan and doing what I do best making the best numbers for NYC.
I went upstate on my first family vacation to the Catskills and that was GREAT.
Went to Cooperstown (Baseball Hall of Fame)
I'm getting financially stable and building towards my dream.
Been lucky enough to have someone very special that cares and supports me.
Trying new Restaurants more and more.
Making new or improving old recipes.
Did not get to see my friends that much this year.
Did not see my family at all this year.
I have been fortunate enough to have a job that allows me the money to enjoy my high standards in life... :)
I have my little bookie back and have enjoyed the summer, fall and winter with her.
I have two new baby cousins and a nephew. He is the cutest....
Went to the Rangers game with the fam.
Mets games were great!!!!

Well that sums it up that is my:

2007 IN A NUTSHELL

Look out tomorrow for my 2008 resolutions.

Lost....

Why do you feel like you are going somewhere and it's the right way but at the same time you feel so lost? At work I feel drained, tired, unmotivated and hypocritical. For some reason I know that I am determined to accomplish my goals but at the same time I no longer know what they are???? Confused and guilt ridden with the clock ticking and my mind going in a thousand different directions. I just need to jump on one track and ride it out.... Can I do this or will I end up at a dead end and feeling once again LOST...?

Do we all go through this in our lives? Is anyone truly happy in what the are doing now? I mean 110% pure satisfaction and they have no regrets? I still think I know what I want but to get that is going to be very difficult since I was never granted the opportunity to just go to college since I chose to protect the nation. Now I want to get a degree and my Chef certification and do what I love.

All I need is a light to help guide me along the right path and push me to go, I have become one lost lazy soul.... This is not me and I want to be found and once again a happy and content clown.... Help me, for right now I know that I am....


LOST

HALLOWEEN

Yes it is that time again. This wonderful holiday where we can scare the caca out of one another. What other holiday can you just go up to a stranger and scare them or ask for candy? NONE So for one day we are kind of like BUMS... LOL

I know that children and adults a like love this spooky holiday. We can't get enough of that adrenaline rush from being frightened. Everyone has at least one friend that thinks they can not be scared and you bring them with you to a haunted house and they scream like a petrified BEACH and when you come out unharmed on the other end joke about how they were not scared and the whole thing sucked..... WTF we know you almost had an accident so stop playing everyone is scared at one point or another.

So tell me what are your fears and to all of my friends if I see you next Halloween lets face them.... This is a great challenge for some others are the friend above mentioned and we all know you are really scared. So get your best ghost stories ready and your scariest costumes out. I can't wait for the candy, I love this great day known as.....

HALLOWEEN.....

Keep up

With all this constant change in life it is sometimes hard to keep up. We get lost in a moment, thought, the crowd or just lost all together. When do we find time for ourselves? You know to really analyze what we have accomplished and where we are in our lives. Sometimes to keep up we need to step aside slow down a stride and look at who we have become.

We always say that we will stay in touch and always remain friends with the ones we leave behind. But really how many of you can honestly say I have always kept all of my friends? NONE. If you did you are a liar since I keep in touch or attempt to but it is not my fault if they do not keep up.

So how do we maintain business, family and personal life? Time management, good organization and having your priorities in order is a good start. But is this enough to keep up? The things we learn in life are all things that can help us keep up with all of the other aspects in life.

So I challenge all of you to maintain your lifestyle but also try and stay on the same page as me and just.....


KEEP UP.....

OH YA

Tell me that you have one of those days, you wake up and the only thing that comes to your mind is "OH YA"!!! I am having one of those days everything seems to just be great. I have a rough past two weeks but today just woke up on the right side of the bed if you know what I mean. I think I will go out and find something to do it is nice and crisp out so a hoody and adidas tear aways. Doing it big today LOL.

I can only hope that the rest of the weekend goes as good. Let me know what you have planned for the weekend? I will let you know what I did this weekend and if it was worth the trouble. So go ahead and do what you do and have a great day you know the one that makes you say...

OH YA.....

Pumpkin Picking

So kiyara, me, Maria and Danielle all went pumpkin picking a couple weeks ago. I forgot that it is really dirty out there and I wore my NY Yankees shoes and they looked like caca when we got home. We had a great time getting apples, squash, and pumpkins. The weather was great and it was the first time since I was a little kid that I went and did this. I hope that I am forming new traditions as a family for Kiyara.

We are all going this weekend again to go to the huge corn Maze and get cider so that should be interesting I am actually looking forward to it. I hope that everyone is taking full advantage of this beautiful fall season upon us. Let me know if you go

PUMPKIN PICKING.....

Fall

My favorite season is upon us. Most people enjoy Winter or Summer but the fall to me is the most extravagant of all seasons. The trees turn beautiful colors and seems to give the just plain green world life. The air has a slight crispness to it and people tend to cuddle more with the one they love. Hot Chocolate, Tea, soups, warm bread and pastries are all part of this great experience so why doesn't everyone love fall as much as I?

I love getting ready for the holidays and bundling up in a nice sweater and scarf. This is the best time of year for me going out and picking apples baking every type of desert I can think of... Taking time to show Kiyara the beauty of the fall is a great adventure. Halloween is exciting as well Kiyara gets to pick a pumpkin and go on a hayride and haunted houses. All the joys of childhood.

I get to share all the experiences as a family this year and I am really looking forward to it. Trips out to eastern long island for the fall harvest festivals and wine tasting. OUTSTANDING that is one word that comes to mind. I will let you know how my fall goes. Just remember that the next time you complain about the heat of summer we can always look forward to the chill and beauty of.....

FALL

DIRME

Dirme lei pensa di me.
Dirme sono il solo un lei vuole essere con per il riposo della sua vita.
Dirme questo è reale e non sogno.
Dirme ho trovato il mio un vero amore.
Dirme che lei me ama l'intero dal cuore.
Dirme che che abbiamo è semplice ed ancora complicato allo stesso tempo.
Dirme la maniera sento è il vero amore.
Dirme mi sveglierò vicino a lei per finché vivo.
Dirme un'ultima cosa.
Dirme lei ME AMA.

DIRME

To the Greatest.....

Te quiero hoy como yo hice el día que encontramos.
Usted es la belleza es en ello forma de verdad.
Esta cosa que tenemos es nada menos que la perfección.
¿Le puedo hacer yo tan feliz como usted me ha hecho?
Apenas algo yo sé que usted puede saber y si no yo le digo ahora.

TE quiero MAMI ATRACTIVA.

TE AMO

Porque tú eres tú
y yo vivo soñándote
porque mi mundo son tus sueños
y tus sueños son deseos.
porque te quiero
y quererte es mi camino
El camino que amo: tú.

Enchanting

For a moment I was enchanted by the glow of your face with the fading light of the sun setting in the distance gave you a radiance that is utterly indescribable. I knew the day we met everything would work out and be something that is so enchanting I do not know how to describe it other than that. You took my breath away with your soft touch and the way you whisper the words I love you in to my ear sounds like a gentle breeze passing in the leaves. Could I have been this fortunate to have a the opportunity to woo someone as enchanted as you?

Its funny now that I speak of it I love the little things you do for me and most of all I love the way you get frustrated over the littlest things. So you have captured my attention now what will you do with it? Can you remain as enchanting as the first day I met you, or will this fade with time as they say so many things do? I would only hope that this lasts forever, my love for you has no ending, boundary or stipulation to alter the path we have chosen.

Now I leave you with this I am here to love you and make you happy to give you something everyone else has failed to do until now. I want you to know that this is real there is no, "for the time being", the new love feeling, nor is this a dream. I am here real flesh and blood willing to put my heart out there to possibly get hurt but hopefully not.

You have a certain way about you something so rare it is hard not to say that you are so very........


ENCHANTING!!!!!!