Pain....

Why is it so easy to hurt someone or walk by a bum knowing you have the change and it only takes a split second to drop it in their cup? Are we that closed mind that we think, "if I ignore it, it will all go away"? Well the reality is that in some way or another we all cause each other pain and instead of helping heal it we proceed and make the situation worse. Did you ever stop and think that everything that you do affects someone else not just you...? I know you have heard the saying for every action there is an equal or great reaction. Correct? If you haven't now you have and this is so true.

Think of it this way, if you go out rob a bank (a little extreme but a good example) this affects you, the economy and your family. Americans in general are all too selfish and then you have the ones that act "too" self-righteous. Come on give me a break we all have flaws so don't point your finger. It all comes down to KARMA what a lovely word because the more you do the worse off you will be in the end. So do what you do and keep right on causing that...

PAIN

Holidays....

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This is the best time of the year, so they say!!! Actually to tell you the truth I love the snow and family time and the hectic running with the sparatic spending and the constant guessing on what would be the perfect gift for everyone. Then there is that special someone for the people that are lucky enough to have met their other half. The stress in making sure what you get is perfect, but also knowing that whatever you get them will be perfect because it comes from you.

I miss the snow, here in NY it is cold but it has yet to snow. I am literally "Dreaming of a White Christmas" like Bing Crosby. I love the food and that extra warmth you get when you come home or think of old family traditions that you still want to carry on in to your own family. I miss my family and I know that they will have a great time together this holiday season I just want them to know I love you and I am thinking of you. To all of my friends I hope that you are doing well and that you are with loved ones or good friends this holiday season. Here are some pics from the parade of lights in Montana where my daughter is with my mom at least they get snow:


This is my brother and his daughter(below left) and my sister and Kiyara and my niece(below right):

















Here are some pics from the other night at Rockafeller Center:
























Me and Maria at Rockafeller Center.

What Happens???

We have come to accept that we are here but for what purpose? We do not chose the life we are given, we can only change a certain percent of the outcome but in the end we only live to die... Is this what god made us for just a short term to grow up enjoy, suffer and die? I don't have the answers and don't understand why we come to exist only to cease from existing. This to me makes no sense at all. I know that while I am here I will change and make things better for the ones I love and adore.

You baby are the one that deserves better, you have a good heart but yet you hide it. I know who you are and what you have to offer so I tell you this, "I love you". Please don't ever change just remain the open loving person I fell in love with. Behind closed doors is where you tend to be more comfortable and I see changes in you but that's ok I understand I just hope that this is a phase and it will not remain in your master plan. I hope that when I am gone I have left you something that makes you happy everyday and stability.

Kiyara, your beauty is becoming and you have a personality that draws people to you. Keep your wits and know that you have the world on a platter make of it what you may. Learn to be open and use all of your special talents to achieve all of your goals. I want to be able to supply you the opportunity to do anything you wish. When I am no longer here don't fret, I will still remain as long as you remember me.

My family I love you all dearly and hope that I have and will become something that makes you proud, but I do not wish to become forgetful of who I am, nor do I wish to become an icon. I only hope that I have made you all happy in at least one aspect of our crazy lives and that you remember everything that is good and try to forget the bad. We tend to so easily remember the bad and forget the good with out a second thought. Please for my sake reminisce on the good and learn from the bad but be weary of holding on to it.

One last thing before I let you go. When you go to sleep tonight regardless if you are religious or not say a pray or do a ceremony or what ever it is you believe in for the people that you love, will love and those you have yet to meet. The world is not an easy place to live and a lot of things have changed for the good and some for the worse but make of it what you can. When we are no longer here, does anyone out there really know.....

WHAT HAPPENS???

Confidence.....

What do we define confidence as?

Could it be simply having enough will to speak out in front of a crowd?

How about going and speaking to the one person you have always wanted to?

Getting enough courage to go against the grain?

Or do we define it as the lack of self confidence?

We usually tend to view or thrive on negativity rather than that of a positive influence. When you view someone walking down the street we are all very judgemental as to say the least. We look at what they are wearing, how they carry themselves, what they look like, how their hair is done, damn I could just keep going on and on. We already know that this is human nature to Americans, funny I go to other countries and they think we are ridiculous. Always trying to be better and status quo is the big thing in the US. I went to Europe and Asia people there are about making themselves better but they are less harsh and not so judgemental. So with all of these things against us as Americans or living in America it is easy to see why some people have self-esteem and self-confidence issues.

All I am saying is to worry less about what others think make yourself happy. I know that is a hard thing for me to say cause I usually do worry about what others think of me but I am learning to let that aspect of my life be less important. I am starting to find and build more on my self-

CONFIDENCE.

Get Your Own Voice PlayerManage

Dreamin'

Why is it, that the best things are unseen? When we fall in love you don't see it. When we cry we usually close our eyes. When we kiss and when we dream we always close our eyes...

I have always wondered if when someone kisses you and they close their eyes are they imagining or wishing that you were or are someone else? How about when we cry do we close our eyes to pretend like we are the only ones there or hurting?

The greatest thing that has happened to me is to experience love and I know that there is really not a definition to it but we all have our own explanation or definition to what love is to us. To me it is waking up to a beautiful face and gorgeous brown eyes everyday. Knowing that when I go to sleep the last person I see is the same person I see when I wake up and that if I don't wake up the last person I saw was the love of my life. Knowing that regardless of what happens we are there for each other knowing that there are ups and downs we are here for the long haul. The feeling of euphoria when ever I think of you and not knowing what is in store for us around the corner. Experiencing life with someone that sees you and knows you for you and is willing to live this life they way it was meant to be lived. The feeling I get when you touch me sends tingles up and down my spine and never getting tired of hearing you tell me, "I love you".

This is all unseen but I feel it and I know that this can not be a dream or if it is I pray to never again wake and open my eyes and find an empty bed cold sheets and a pillow with no indentation cause you never existed and never laid your head on my pillow. Please if this is what it is make sure that I just keep on....

DREAMIN'!!!!

Questions???

Have you ever had questions and no nerve? I think that we all have questions that probably will go unanswered for the rest of our lives. Either we don't have the courage to ask or hear the answer if we did ask or it just boils down to never really being the right time. We have to intervene and make time work to our advantage because if we don't we will always have those questions on the tip of our tongues or nagging us in the back of our minds.

I will put mine on here because I am taking advantage of my resources and lets see if some of my questions get answered....

What is love to you and are there guidelines?

Whose fault is it who we fall in love with?

Why do you find me attractive?

Am I as good as your previous or where do I lack where they gained?

What is the problem with the world everyone is equal, right?

Why do we hate on ethnicity, sexuality and religion?

Do you wonder how bad things will be for your kids?

I hope that you can answer some of these questions; leave me a comment or shoot me an e-mail. It all comes down to the answers due to our.....

QUESTIONS.

How far...

How far would you go to achieve your dreams?
How far would you be willing to venture to see your true love one last time?
How far is the truth from your lips?
How far is enough?
How far is the breaking point?
How far would you go to appease your true calling?
How far is the closest aspect of the real you?
How far is this life going to take you?
How far are you willing to go for your name to carry on?
How far or how long will you let your life mean nothing?
How far is not far enough.... Just tell me that you are willing to go that much

Further...

I will go as far as needs be to prove my worth, my love and my self being. For my love I want to be the one that shows you everything and anything that you lack to see and learn everything about you and with you. Remember that knowledge is only power when you share what you know and willing to learn what they know. My worth and self being I want my family and Bookie to know I am here and will prove what I mean soon enough. I will not accept second best and do not expect any of you to. We are the ones that set in stone our lives and we can only live one day at a time plan for today and not tomorrow for that day may not come. Push everything you do to the limit and go that much further, start loving the life we have now.

Life....

Can you spare the supple attitude
Or just bare me the pain
I don't need mere gratitude
To get through this life so lame
It's funny that we feel we must live a lie
To appease the very essence of mankind
No need to carry burdens of blame
Stop and think, weren't we all once shy
If you step back for one small instance
You will realize that this life is just one big contest
With all us contestants
One winner, one loser, you or me
Am I the loser because you're a college grad
Or am I the winner because for what I have I am glad
Remember how life was with childhood innocence
Now as adults we have lost our way and struggle to become someone else
Is this for us or for someone else's convenience
For now I am done
For I've become a mere stereotype
I am someone else, lost from my childhood innocence....

This is what we call


LIFE

DA Mets....

Love or hate 'em? They are back haven't had much success since their 1986 Championship.. But, hold up they are back. Don't think this is just a one season thing my Mets are back and strong we have the out field on lock and the pitching staff looks strong as well. Wait the in field is on point as well so all and all we look very promising. Hopefully when football season comes around my teams look as good (Jets and Giants, who else...? LOL).

Pedro is going thru his little hit and miss days but once he comes out of this slump damn watch out do I hear a pennant and possibly another World Series Championship?? Bobby A is doing aight so far in the Mets line up so that was a good trade. I know that I don't write on sports usually but hey I have been doing a lot of different things lately and this is one thing I love.

I have met the greatest person in the world they support me thru everything just want to say thanks I know I tell you I love you all the time but it's not even enough. Since we started dating the Mets came out of their slump of 20 years and that's wassup. :) All I can say is.....

DA METS!!!!

Gut Instinct....

Yo, why I knew that today was a shitty day? I woke up this morning and for some reason kept telling myself it's all right everything will be good just got to get up and do what you got to do. Nope, should have listened to my first intuition that was telling me not to go to my second interview cause something just didn't feel right.

So, as you can tell I am writhing this cause something grimy happened all I can say is WTF... This shit always happens when I have one of those feelings. DAMN, by now I should have learned my lesson you know. Nope trying to get whatever job is given to me at the moment and trying to do big thangs is not working out right now. I got into a car accident a block and a half from the house... Let me tell you the next time I get that feeling I am keeping my ass at the house there is a reason for the gut wrenching feeling so next time just listen to your....

GUT INSTINCT!!!

I know I will. My car is fucked, fucked, fucked, can I say it again. FUCKED! Had to get that out of my system now all I can do is wait for it to get fixed and hopefully it is quick.

Holdin' it Down....

Recently I did something totally out of character for myself.... I moved to NY to attend the Art Institute without having a job in place or anything like that. To tell you the truth I am torn up right now, my gut is telling me everything will be all right but my brain is telling me to panic. All I can do right now is attempt to keep a good head on my shoulders and see what comes of it.

I am lucky enough to have the support of loved ones and a great person that is so supportive of everything I do. I love you and I just hope that I am as good as everyone thinks I am. Without this support I would have ran back to the military a few months ago. Which to tell the truth far from where I want to be at the current time in my life.

This is a short blog today but it is what it is... Just letting people know I got someone to hold down and I appreciate them......

Holdin' it Down.

The Easy Road...

Do you know the meaning of this life?
Is there a reason we are here to suffer?
Can someone answer me these questions?
Do I speak to myself or do you hear me when I ask for a favor?
I need help that is all I'm asking is for a little compassion and someone to listen to me...?
Can you help me along this path and together we will make it thru anything?Pain and sorrow is what we encounter daily and I want to help you see the other side...
Come over to the side where I have nothing but love for you and that is what you deserve.
Is this something that is too hard to fanthom that someone really wants to be selfless and do for you.
No self benefit no stature of gaining an ego nothing but to give to you the reality of what love is..
Don't shy away and don't try to hide your feelings I understand that you've been hurt before but I am not them and I will never do that to you.
I want to show you that all people are not the same and that love is pure when I say I love you this is not a pick up line
But actual fact and I would not use this to my advantage.
So my hand is out will you take it and join me along the way thru this crazy life?I have one thing left to say....

We've only just begun you cannot even begin to imagine what is left in store for you, no heartache, no pain, just love there is ups and downs but you make it no one said love was...

THE EASY ROAD!!!

Too Short...

Why is that people have to always past judgment on everyone that actually goes out there and enjoys life? How long do you really have here? You only have right now and I know you've heard that tomorrow is not guaranteed...!! Come on now, live and let live is what it should be you live the way you want and let everyone else do them... I know you hear me say, "Do you and I'm a do me" live by this and you will do fine.

The problem occurs when you start making it a point to ruin others lives due to the fact you are too scared to live your own life. So I got out of the Army and did what I told everyone I would I opened a successful Cafe' now I am about to do bigger and better things. That was nothing but a small speed bump and I have the support from family and loved ones to do what I have always wanted to do.

Without you I don't know if I could have really made the decision but I love you, the three women that are the closest my heart. I will show you how good things are going to get. So if you can bare with me I will prove this time worthy and that we have nothing to worry about because prosperity is on the verge. I know that we will be happy and that we will live life they way it was meant to be.

So if you find yourself thinking day to day this is not where I thought I would be and this is not making me happy. You need to get up make a change cause only you have the control to change the outcome in your life. Sure there are a few special people out there that contribute to help you out. You have but one life and let me tell you it is....

TOO SHORT!!!

Plain and Simple, TRUTH....

I never thought that I would find something so pure, untainted and true until I found LOVE... I know you are thinking, did Boogie just say Love??? Let me tell you that this is something I never thought I would find personally.

I found the one person I thought to say the least make believe. You have opened a door that until now was assumed non existent to me. It was so hard for me to say "I love you" but once I did my life changed. I now believe in true love and that there is someone for everyone.

You do so much for me without even knowing it. Me, the person whose demeanor is portrayed as strong willed and a hard exterior, is able to show someone without hesitation the true me. I have no issues with my flaws or imperfections when in your presence. Your brown eyes melt very existence and I feel like a little kid again. I want you to teach me something new all the time as do I for you and together we grow in our relationship. Thank you for everything, I love you and we have so much more to look forward to.

I wrote this to let people know that yes I am soft hearted but it's not a weakness. All I want to do is show you the.....

Plain and Simple, TRUTH....

Some Advice...

If I give you some advice
Then it wouldn't be worth livin' this half-crazy life
So don't stnad in one place for too long
Before you know it, you will be so gone
So keep on doing you and you'll end up replaced
I've had ample opportunities to fill your space
If you ask your mom she will tell you how much you're a disgrace
She tell you air is free
But everyone pays a price for life
She doesn't understand why you can't leave it be
She doesn't want your life to end trife
She wants you to be married so she can meet your wife
Now the choice is yours, how will you lead your life
We all have choices wrong and right
Keep tryin' and never give up your fight
Before you know it you will be so damn tight
Peaple never forget the wrong but we hope they remember the right
Take it from me, Some Advice
And remember, I never repeat myself TWICE,

Just some ADVICE....

Yo, this is something I wrote when I was stationed at Ft. Lewis... Hope that you like it.

Roll Call....

We about to do a Roll Call.... Yo, If you know me shout it out.. Holla at ya Girl.. This is a lil off key for me especially for this page since I be writting all real shit.. Well I consider this to be real as well. Let me know what's good with ya? Yo, if you one that reads this and know me but has no time to hit me up just hit me on here and let me know what the deal!!! Just something fun to do and out of the ordinary for me.... HOLLA

So it's time to do.....


ROLL CALL....

Opportunity Knocks

Recently, I have had an opportunity arise, and I am hesitant to take it up. I know if I don't take this, the opportunity may just slip away and never present itself again for me. I caught myself thinking should I just take the risk and go out there on a limb and regardless what happens know that I tried? I am fastidious when it comes to trying a lot of things specially if I know the possible consequences and repercussion's. But, if I don't do this I would be very unhappy and probably regret it in the future. Should I stay where I am and do what I do best and make everyone else happy or should I do me. The hardest things in life is realizing who you are and when an opportunity presents itself for you to do you, is knowing that you can take it. Now it is decision time and I am all about taking up this opportunity because due to the multitude of it I will be doing big things later on. So when one of these situations arise for you are you going to stand there or are you going to answer the door because...

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS.....

"I don't walk on water, I am no where near perfect nor am I trying to become perfect but I would like to achieve the status that is close to admirable. " (ME)

Yo, an opportunity can be anything, it can be a business opp, a relationship, change in financial stature, so many things and we have them happen to us all the time. The thing is we need to pay closer attention and grab hold and ride out the opportunity. Even if you are the one that is somewhat the planned out to the minute anal retentive type.

Take Advantage

Hold up, I know what you are probably thinking just off the title of this one... What the hell is she talking about take advantage? Well let me enlighten you. I have been so lucky to meet the people I have in the military and in my travels due to the military to take some life changing things with me from those experiences. I have had so many people there for me in times of well to say the least I felt lost, they helped guide me on to the right path again. I am glad that I have you as my friends to tell the truth you are my family. I consider a true friend family at all costs I am here for you as you are for me. I want to take a little time to say congratulations to my big brother Smoke Dogg, you came along way and I am happy that you and your wife have been blessed with a little P coming into the world. Keep me posted on that and remember you are the one that educates your child first, so take advantage. To my little sister K-Points, you have the world handed to you, go represent the US in Australia and play your hardest. This is just an opportunity for you to take advantage. My other little sister Babs, you need to pursue your love for snowboarding and take on all the sponsors that keep knocking on your door, how many people get that everyday? Not too many so please use it and go ahead take advantage. Dr. Love (Laura), you have yet to experience the military to it's full capability and if you decide to get out that is great you will do wonderful out here. If not use all the resources that the military provides and take advantage. Giggles, Juicy Gurl (Cara), Jenn, Bongo, Q.P., D, and all the rest of my friends, you all have so much opportunity and life is just beginning so take everything you can from it there is only one so go ahead and take advantage. My mom and the rest of my family, thank you for the support on my transition and you all have the ability to do anything you want so use everything you can and take advantage.

I hope that you all are in the best of health and remember that anything that is given to us is nothing that we can not overcome. I hope that you all take this as me pushing you on the right path like all of you have done for me, so it's ok to go out there and....

TAKE ADVANTAGE

True Friend

Are you someone I can turn to and tell my most intimate secrets for you to keep
I'm real and I need to know I can trust you, or please tell me if this is too deep
A true friend is someone you can depend on through good, bad, thick or thin times
There is no such thing as going to far or drawing lines
It takes time, effort, support and willingness to understand
Every situation that is at hand
Do you have what it takes to stand in there in a time of heat
Or will you stand back and just let me take the fall alone and bare this burden as defeat
A true friend has nothing but good intentions when dealing with you
I can't say that most people we meet, are even real to say the least remotely true
Will you keep in touch with me no matter how hard it seems just a note, a call a card
Every time you get a message from me does it make your day easier when before it seemed so hard
Can I confide in you like I know you can me with no hesitations
This is me feeling confident in sharing my dreams and aspirations
I need to know that you are someone that I can cry in front of without being ridiculed
Don't take advantage of them or miss use them 'cause quite frankly that means you are confused

I am your true friend indeed and have no quarms telling you are going through anything with you it's all love in the end I am still here for you. Being what you need, a.....

TRUE FRIEND

Success....

How do you meassure your own success or for that fact someone elses? Do you meassure it by the car, house, clothes and amount of money made? Or is it something else, family values, doing good deeds that go unoticed, being self-righteous? This is strictly you telling me what you think would make you successful in your own eyes no one else's, they really don't matter in the end, RIGHT?

I will let you know what makes me a success and that is the people around me, friends, fam, my kid, just that and I wake up everyday going out and doing the best that I can. So now it's your turn holla at me with your version... ONE

For real only one person has the power to meassure your....

SUCCESS

Keep Hustlin'!!!

Hey it's been a minute since my last one, but I promise that I will not disappoint you anymore... I am just on the grind doing my thing, trying to keep my head above water.. One thing is for sure that, civilian life is so much better I wouldn't say all that much easier, but BETTER....! First, let me ask this, what is really good with the damn gas prices, huh... Fluctuating asses... yo, that is not even funny. LG, or should I call you Dr. Love, that's your new nickname, what's good ma? Yo, I know you bout out of Korea but keep me posted we have to get Kiyara's stuff done... Turtle, thanks for coming out and seeing me yo, I appreciate that and it was good to see you. Yo, all my peeps, juicy gurl, caca head, all the bootyheads out there, I got more knowledge coming at you soon... I see ya, keep holdin me down.. Get at me soon... This is real love that's comin' straight from my View 2 You... So just remember to.....

KEEP HUSTLIN' !!!!