Shake 'Em Off....

Funny thing is that regardless of what you do someone is always there to hold you back, tell you that you're not good enough and ridiculing every move that you make. Funny thing is you can be doing your best be peaked at your full potential, but that is not good enough for the haters. All I can say is that a song comes to mind and it goes: "they smile in your face, while all the time they want to take your place.....Backstabbers." Yo, if this blog is rude or you have nothing better to do but ridicule it or think that you know someone so you judge writtings hey it's your world, I'm just a squirel.. It's all good this page is for anyone to read, post a comment but tread softly cause the fingers you point three are pointing back at you. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself is what you are doing yesterday, today or tomorrow where you thought you would be? Probably not, funny thing is your life didn't amount to ..... well you can figure that one out, so stop trying to drag others down. Yo, on another note I would like to tell my friends (my true friends) that I got nothin' but love for ya... The few of you that are close to me and really do know me keep your heads up and remember to..... Shake 'Em Off...... Just remember that Haters are all around us to just shake 'em off and keep doing you I am here for my friends, family and just so you know I am here.... Hate on haters, we going to do us....

Say it Isn't So....

The world seems to be in turmoil right now... What's really going on? I watch the news and fear for my daughter's future to see that the world is turning into chaos either by nature or by peoples beliefs being a conflict with one another. If you look at our past it is crazy that all wars in some way had to do with religion and now they are still that way. When will we as Americans realize to keep our noses out of everyone else's plate and just take care of home? It is sad when you walk down the streets and see all these homeless people and majority of them are Vets, we can serve our country in a time of crisis but come home and amount to nothing. Is that what Americans do is consider Vets worthless? Ignorance is all around us everyday you hear someone say they hate the military and everything that it stands for and they spit on troops or protest against them. What they don't realize is that they have no choice but to do what the commander in chief has told them to do. Soldiers might not like it, but it's a way of life and when you sign and raise that right hand you swear to protect our rights against all foreign and domestic. So the next time you see a vet on the side of the street that is homeless thank him or her I am not telling you to pay them but remember that they made the ultimate sacrifice for out country. I just hope that my daughter never has to see the world turn to chaos due to poor or greedy leadership and that our troops don't suffer anymore than they already have. The family's and loved ones left behind have my utmost respect. So think of this and if you see something that looks wrong think or say out loud.....

Say it Isn't So......

Dedicated to my friends, family and fellow members of the Armed Forces and anyone this touches. Keep doing it BIG. Holla. ONE

Big Moves

In life we all make decisions that we are not to sure about but we do it because we get bored and we are unhappy with our current situation. I know that I have one of the best friends in the world the funny thing is that I never thought that I would get close to a friend again the way that best friends do. I lost my best friend that I grew up with a couple weeks prior to Kiyara being born, he was shot at close range in the heart. That took a big toll on me and I just tried to close myself off from everyone. I get close but never too close to my friends but recently I became close and made a best friend that I am glad helped me realize that everyone needs someone to talk to. The funny thing is now that I am making moves I am happy and I know now that the Army is not a safe haven nor a shoulder to lean on in unstable situations. It is something that works you and lets you know that you are expandable so there should be no issue letting go since they throw us out the door with a swift kick and say good luck. So I ask you this, working for a company as impersonal as the military is do you think that I would take a look back over my shoulder, stutter step or even hesitate to think for an instance that I messed up and need to go back. NOT ON DUTY.... It is greener on the other side and I am here for you regardless of anything that happens remember that the ones that show you they really care and are genuine to you will show that they mean what they say. Hope that one day eveyone can make do it big and have friends that support you through all the good and bad times. It is hard to go out and just make....

Big Moves.

G, thank you for all you have done for me and making me realize that what my number one is. Thank you again ma and keep doing you and know that I am always here for you my fam is my heart and you are my fam. ONE LOVE ma... You know how soft I am, I love you ma and so does Bookie.

Choosing a New Direction...

I am at a point in my life where I need to choose a new direction in life. I am at the point of weighing out all my options, I either stay in the military (re-up) or I get out and venture on to a road less traveled. I am thinking about going out and doing it up as far as going and trying new things going out to make a real family not saying that the friends I have made in my military venture are not family but one of my own. My daughter deserves better than what the military is offering no amount of money or gifts can make up for the time lost during my military tour. I am looking into Boston at the time, I think that would be a great place to settle down and just have a family.

I know that this is a hard decision and one that will have to be thought out in depth and in time I will have to decide where and what I will do. I think that if and when I decide to break away from the Army that this will be an enormous relief, I will always remember the great experiences I've had and all of the friends I have made. But everyone knows that you come to a point in your life where you have a fork in your road you take the paved road or the dirt road that is not on the map. No real direction, nothing is written or for sure, no real security and it is not always the safest but you know it possibly is the correct route. I am ready for that step and so I have safely decided that these next 2 years I will be planning out my time and looking for a job and all that good stuff for after military life. When my friends or whoever comes to this point in their life, I will be here to support you in whatever aspects you need me to. This is scary but I have to start now by.....

CHOOSING A NEW DIRECTION.......

Half Step....

What I have been around and the experiences I have had through out my lifetime, have made me realize that if I half step then my life is worthless and I am done. You half step in the hood you get your life took. You half step in the military you loose your value, respect, dignity, possibly rank, money or more. Keep doing it up out there fam and peeps that have done it up for me and kept me on top of my game. That made me keep the beat of my drum real and make sure to correct myself if I was half steppin'. There are so many people out there that never really understand their real reason to be here, well I might not be here to give you the answers but for real I can help you and give you the advice I know from my experiences and that is all it is.

Grains of salt are all around us but real friends are here until the end, they don't care about your imperfections they accept you for you and if you half step they help you catch up. I have some good friends that hold me down and I got them in the same respect. If you too good to be around other people and listen to realism and true facts then you can move on, but don't get caught half steppin' around me because I will take your damn cookies. That is a cliche' huh and can you figure it out? Nope, probably not but I am here to tell you I am glad I was born in the life that I was without a silver, gold or even bronze spoon in my mouth, plastic worked fine for me.

I have figured this much, if you were born with it all you half step and end up having some damn issues in life and I see it everyday not being competent enough to make decisions, no street savvy and no real life experiences. Then have the ignorance to come out and say that they have some from the military. Not on duty, yo ma or pa keep it gully and remember that you have nothing on most and can learn something from everyone. Just remember that life throws us challenges to see if we will give up and.....

HALF STEP......

On TOP......

My game, yes I can say that I am on top of my game. Do you know what it means to be "on top"? I don't think that most people view this as I do but yo, that's why this is my blog and you are reading it, why? Hmmmm, that is one question you need to ask yourself why you keep coming back to read the words of this page.... Is it because I am on top of my game?

I must be up on something because I write and it is so easy to be me and it is so hard for so many to be just what they are, YOU. Being yourself means that you are on top of your game, is this a hard task at hand? Yes, to some it is, but you need not fear for there are always strong support systems in place to help you succeed at being the best you can. I know that I will be here for anyone one of my friends, family, or just associates. Remember that you are never alone out there sometimes you may feel that you are or run into bad luck more often than never but you can still come out on top.

I may be a little rough around the edges sometimes, say things that I don't always mean but everyone is like that from time to time. Life deals you hands that are unexpected it is how you come out of the situation, which determines whether you are staying on top of your game or not. Things are not all pretty and peachy all the time I know I never really had all the good things in life, glad that I have been able to have all the grimy situations dealt to me it kept me on top of my game. I will always keep improving my imperfections and trying to make the best of any situation in which I find myself. This helps me keep my game up and remain...

ON TOP......

I write for myself and for anyone who wants to read it. This is for my friends and fam and anyone else, this is my knowledge to you. That is why my page is called My View 2 You.... DAMN, some people need to step up and gain some self respect remember that all people have their own perceptions and this is your reality we may not always see eye to eye but work with it. Make small sacrifices and don't ridicule what others do, just do you! Just another way that you can keep your game, ON TOP....

Misinterpretation

Damn, I already wrote one called "Clarify" and if you really knew me then you wouldn't leave comments that talk out of your fourth point of contact. Funny how people are quick to make a judgment like I said before, prior to knowing someone. I have nothing to prove to anyone and if you really know me than you would know that I am never afraid to be up front and blunt with the people around me. I don't bite my tongue for anyone and I will not start I will always be real and this is funny to me that whoever you are was not real enough to put their name on their comment...???? If I think it is who I think, than here is to you, keep writing other peoples words and feel good about not being real, but be hesitant about what and how you judge others. You are as fake as they come, might have a lil game play with the words but other than that your legs to damn weak to support your total bull sh*@. If I knew for sure who you were or if you e-mail me because everyone knows my e-mail; educatedthug4u78@yahoo.com go ahead and grow some let me know who you are and I will let you know the real me.... Are you scared or maybe now I flipped the script on you and made you think about going and looking in your own mirror???? I know that you read that one, how about this, I am done no more to say but keep it real and look at yourself prior to judging.

How is it plain and simple in black and white the words we read are all so easily misinterpreted? It might be due to blindness, or shear hate for someone or something people envy what they want to be like and hate what that don't know or don't understand. Hate is nothing more than a cover up for fear. I will leave you with my quote, "Hate is a form of miseducation, to accept this is a form of ignorance, strive for excellence." (me)

So in closing you can hate me now, but I won't stop now, NEVER!!!! So try to get right and remember that this is all a fabrication of your mind and it is one big......

MISINTERPRETATION......

SIMPLY PUT....

The life I choose to lead it not always the way that I want nor is yours the way you probably want yours. Have you ever sat back with some time on your hands and thought, what the hell am I doing here? I know that most people do this at some point in their life, but when you do reach this aspect in your life sit and reflect on all the good things that have come from the life you have already led. Have you ever met someone and then they leave from your life and you never see or hear from them again? I know that myself being in the military I have met a lot of people like this and I wish I could still talk to them, you know just ask them how they are doing, what they have been doing since the last time I saw them. The friends we make and lose are always a keep sake part of our lives.

Remember that you can't always walk away from every problem that occurs. We have to take a deep breath and say I can do this, stand up no matter what the consequences may be and bite the bullet. Leaving issues unresolved now will catch up with you later on in life. Be it the life that you were meant to lead, the one you choose, or just the life that you never wanted, it is our lives and we can try to change them or be content in all aspects of life and live this one out to the fullest. I know that if I don't like something about myself I try my best to change it, I didn't like drinking so I quit, I am going to the gym for my personal satisfaction not anyone else's. Just do it for you, not because you think that you have to impress someone else. Only you have the final decision in the life you lead, we maybe there to help, guide, or give assistance to you along the way but the change and will comes from you. Do you have what it takes to go out on a limb and live the life that you have always wanted?

Life is just to complicated to be.....

SIMPLY PUT.....

Just Blaze.....

First off I want to come out and say this is not what you think it is... One thing I have learned in my day is never burn bridges, because you never know if you will have to cross that bridge again. Now I am here to tell you, you have one life to live so do you. Why worry about tomorrow or yesterday when there is today? The funny thing is that we are what society wants us to be, we never really go out there and do what we want. We are molded from birth to be an ample part of society. Funny you probably never looked at this way.

I am here just to tell you my views if you see it as knowledge take it and pass it on cause knowledge is nothing to anyone if no knows you are brilliant. Right? I have so many people around me everyday and I want to ask them what they did today, just because I know that is really not what "they" wanted to??? Not too many people will say man, I love my job, or just say they did what their one true desire in life is. So the next time you think of all these things think how happy you are at the moment. If you are not happy in your present situation then only you can change it and make it to what you want it to be.

In closing I want you to think of this quote that means a lot to me. "Happiness makes up in height, what it lacks in length." (Robert Frost)

So go out there and live your life and in my words....

JUST BLAZE!!!!!

Sunny Days....

You know that song "Sunny Days" the theme song to Sesame Street? I know you know so stop playng like you all too good for that show, it was the shit in the day. I love Ernie and Cookie Monster was my favorite. But anyway, on the subject Sunny Days, I have so many good memories. Lately like, going out with my friend Edith and her boyfriend (PJ). You know we all had a ball at the amusement park (Seoul Land), we have fun everytime we hang out. We are always acting like little kids and I like to do that to break away from the professionalism that I deal with in the military every day. I have good memories of playing with my daughter, my little number one stunner she is a bright shinning start and I hope that she never dims, with age. We all lose some of our shine with age if you let it go.

I have memories with so many of my friends, cousins, family, you know... I wish that I still had all the pictures but I still know I have all the memories. I miss all my friends that I have made along the way. I know that there are more Sunny Days to come and I will always have them to look back on you know. High School, just growing up in general, Basic, AIT, Ft. Benning, Germany, Ft. Lewis, Ft. Sam and now Korea... There are so many people I would like to name and say that yes we had Sunny Days together. I miss all of you and can't wait to see you again or even hear from you again. Remember there are always more Sunny Days even in your worst stormy days. Keep the memories of all your....

SUNNY DAYS.....

I know that this was not really like me on this one but you know I had to go out on a limb and do a lil something different. Here are some pics of me and some of my sunny days and the people that contribute. I miss my friends. Love all of you...

Clarify

Yo, first off let me, let you know that when I write it is really the way I think and what's on my mind at the time. Don't get it twisted with me writing to a certain someone because you would just make a fool out of yourself. The funny thing the more I write the better I feel so it just releases everything, past, present and future. You feel me on this? I have read some comments from people, be them friends or friends of friends and they think that I am writing about someone that I am with now or at the time of the blog... NO, that is incorrect it was just something that I had on my mind maybe for a long time and I was trying to get it off my chest. We all have burdens that weigh us down. Just remember that this is my release.

I am happy at the time with who I am and if I am with someone you will know soon enough.. LOL Keep it real and make sure you keep everyone thinking they know you. There are three people in all of us, the one we know, the one our friends know and the one that other people think they know. So who are we really? Just something to think about. I will close this and just so you know this is just to let you know about me and my writings it is just.....

CLARIFICATION....

Why me....

Is that conceded to ask this? For real everyone wants to know, why me...? You know how it goes and I want to know, why me? I want to know why my kindness is taken for weakness? Why is my ability to be civil taken as someone that is a walk over? Can you tell me why I am mild tempered and accept so much shit from friends but once pissed off, piss everyone else off? Why is it easy to hear someone say I love you, but hard for me to say it? Probably due to the fact that, I am not out here trying to lead anyone on, I am here to be truthful and blunt. I have to keep it real for myself and for everyone that is around me. Why is it so easy for people to lie, yet it is almost impossible for me to. Why do I have a conscience and it seems the rest of the world has yet to find theirs? Why is it so hard for me to find someone and stay happy with them.?

This is just a few things that I wanted to put out there. I hope that you can compare and think that maybe these are some of the questions that you ask yourself sometimes. Get at me and let me know what you think about this one? So can anyone tell me....

WHY ME...???

Breaking Point....

Look at life like a challenge, a test, to see how far everyone can push you to your breaking point. I am not going to meet my breaking point for a long time I am hoping. I live life to the fullest, some say too blessed to be stressed, I say YA RIGHT. Feel me on this, stress is a natural part of life there is negative stress and positive stress. We need stress to live a healthy lifestyle. So next time you here that, stupid saying that some body with nothing but time on their hands made up, tell them I beg to differ. I know that many people meet their breaking point early in life and others live life all out and and meet their breaking point late in life. How much can you take of someone always picking at you? Do you know when enough is really enough? Can you tell me if you know your....

BREAKING POINT????

Mirror

Sometimes I sit back and look at my life as through a mirror. I see all of my choices reflecting back to me and how they changed my life be them good and bad. Our life is a reflection of all of our past decisions. Sometimes we have to take the time and look out of the course of our lives and wonder how or why we did some of the things that we did? I have recently looked in to my life and realized that damn, what the hell was I thinking do that?? I can look in the mirror and see how I have changed and grown through my own personal life's decisions.

Have you ever looked at someone and said, "Damn, they have had a rough life"??? I know that I have and it is funny because we don't know what they see when they look in their mirror, but we know what reflection their mirror is showing us. All of us are just a reflection that our own mirror wants everyone to see us as.... Funny you can look at the Fairy Tale Snow White and see that the mirror, mirror on the wall saw Snow White as the fairest of all, but the evil queen wanted to be the one. Her mirror new that she was grimy and let her know that there was someone out there that looked better.

Don't get it bent though. Looks are far from everything, they are what people see at first and if you are really shallow then that is all you want, a trophy to say the least. If you want a companion, a lover and an understander...(I know I made it up LOL, it sounds good though) then you need to look into their mirror and see what's really good. Like people say and I know for a fact, trial and error, you can have the finest person but once you get to know them they turn ugly. Maybe you don't have the prettiest looking person, but once you get to know them their reflection changes and you find that you have someone very attractive.

What do you see when you look at me? But most important do you like what you see when you look at your personal reflection in your own......

MIRROR......

Who Are You to Judge Me?????

Who are you to judge me or anyone for that matter
Who are you to judge me due to the color of my skin
Who are you to judge me for the company I keep
Who are you to judge me by the way I carry myself
Who are you to judge me for the way I talk or act
Who are you to judge me due to minor imperfections
Who are you to judge me for my pass mishaps
Who are you to judge me due to whom I am related
Who are you to judge me due to my beliefs
Who are you to judge me by the way I dress
Who are you to judge me for minor faults that I might
not know that I have
Who are you to judge me by the amount of money
I have or don't

I could go on forever on this subject... But I know that you are no one for only God can judge me now... If I mess up today, I pay for it tomorrow. If I see fit to be wrong during this life, I shall be judged and punished for that in my next life. So as I end this let me just ask you this....

WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME....?

Funny thing is we all judge people for one or more of the things listed above and find ourselves acting as if we are better than the next. We are not, we are made with imperfections and good and bad qualities that is what makes this place so special, everyone is not the same. Can you answer the question I have put forth today in this blog???

you know

Only God can judge me
Therefore I dont care what you think say or even heard about me
Who is you to judge me anyway
You arent the all mighty so it really doesnt matter what you say
You can faze me hate me for who I am
Im a natural born hustla and I am what I am
Trust me if I cared about the way you thought of me
Then it would honesty suck like any other injury
If we cool then we cool
Never hate on me never act a fool
Trust me my bullsh#t tolerance level is real low
If you a chick then know this Im all about my doughI have too many other things in mind than sit and try to figure you out.
I made that mistake when I never should have been in doubt
For all you Kat's that think you know P
You better take another look cause thorough bred is about cheese
I don't have time to hang out and chill
Every move I make is calculated like craftsman's steel
There's only a few things that I put before my life
Other than them the rest is out of my life.
So if you don't know me and you trying to get to know me
Here's a tip come correct or leave.
I'M ONE OF THE REALEST SIMPLY PUT!


YOU KNOW

Can you stand the RAIN????

This is a question to everyone in any type of relationship....
The meaning is hid in the words.

If you know the meaning or think you understand it
Let me know if you can stand it?
Who knows, you may think you can
But in the end you are just a lost and helpless lamb.

With the rain comes heartache and pain
That's ok because it's better than the shame
You feel when you are broken apart and lost in the dark
Funny thing is you're never that far apart

From the love of your life
It may seem like this life is a bit trife
At times you seem to think that I have given up
But think about life as a half full cup

Afforded the opportunity to be with me
Would you take it or just leave me lonely
I thought that we would make it through anything
But when times are hard you give up on the simple things

This time is for you to reflect and think
Not for me to help you swim or sink
I will be here no matter how bad I am hurting
But do you think that you can bare this burden?

I know that I can make it through the rain...
Just on more thing......

CAN YOU STAND THE RAIN??????

Tension....

This word is small yet you know the meaning. You feel its presence. You know the importance of the words, break the tension and relieve some tension. Everyday you deal with tension or stress, but there is always sometime of tension in the air. You go to work and there is someone there that just doesn't click right with the rest of the group, this is the tension that you have to deal with. The uneasy feelings, emotions and thickness in the air. How do you relieve, break or ease the tension in your life?

I am one that is known for always smiling and being per say a smart ass... But there is tension in my life as well. I just try not to let it show and I don't bring it to work, there is work tension and personal tension. My personal tension is just what it says personal so I leave that at home to be dealt with personally, by me...

If you ever feel that the tension is too much and you don't know where to turn, go release some by talking to a good friend, I am always here for anyone. Read, write, draw, listen or make music, whatever your hobby is do this to calm your nerves. Sometimes, the person making the tension doesn't know that they are and you need to just talk it out with them, majority of the time they will be willing to work it out with you.

Some things in life are just not meant to be known to other people. My tension in my personal life is one... You thought I was really going to release some tension on here? Are you crazy? There is always another time to just let go and ease the......

TENSION.......

Smoke Dogg....

What can I say I knew a great person, one that I admired and looked to amongst this problematical world. I try to figure out why I was given the opportunity to meet and become so close to a person of this stature?? Maybe, I was afforded the chance due to some of the trials and tribulations that I have encountered in my life? No, I think that I met this great person due to all the pain that we have both been through in our short lives here. How can it be that the world is so large and yet two people of the same caliber meet and end up looking out and helping one another. If I knew better I have met you before...

I know that you were the one that I went to in times of need and in times of confusion and disarray and I appreciate all of that. Thank you, so very much you will never know what impact you had on me. I will never forget the day I met you and the day that I to tell you goodbye for now, my brother. For I will always consider you family no matter where we find ourselves in journey through the rest of our lives. I will be here for you as I know that you will always be there for me. I just want you to know that I love you and miss you so much. Your companionship is greatly missed and will never be forgotten.

This is for a great person and an even greater brother.... Forever my life.....

SMOKE DOGG.....

THIS TIME......

This time, I will forgive
This time, I will let you come back and start over
This time, I will talk to you before you walk out of my life
This time, I might be the soft and understanding of the
two and try to work it out
This time, I will be the more passive of the two and give in
This time, I will be nurturing and sensitive to your needs
This time, I will try to understand what I did wrong and
how I can fix it
This time, I will apologize for the whatever it was that
went wrong
This time, I am going to work it out and keep us strong

This time, I have come to realize that I am the one every time making the sacrifice to fix what we have as a team done wrong. When is it going to be your turn to tell me this time???? Let us try this one on for size; we work on this thing together??? Maybe, just next time there won't be a.....

THIS TIME.....

I hope that you liked this one I know that it has been more than a minute since I posted on here but I have been busy... Sorry to whom ever reads these on the regular. I know that in everyone's life there is a this time... Just leave me a message and let me know what's good..

Liquid

Liquid, you might wonder why I chose this word for this blog but to tell the truth it is perfect. How did we come about? We were in a form of a liquid, we formed in a womb full of liquid and we are all full of liquid, water, blood and whatever else makes us up. How do we cleanse ourselves from a hard days work, pain, sorrow, grievances, anything that burdens us? We usually use some form of liquid, be it a hot or cold shower, to soothe us from the pain we are barring. Maybe, just maybe we are the type that run to a bottle of liquor? How about the ones that cry are these not all a form of liquid and a form of cleansing ourselves? You ever here the phrase liquid dreams, you ever wonder what it really meant? Most of you know that is a term that people on drugs use. They don't necessarily mean you have this from drug use. You can have these at anytime they just don't seem to make any sense. This is not about being wrong or taking the correct actions to clear your personal burdens it is just a note to say that we choose A......

LIQUID....

Temptation....

I know that life is one big temptation, but why do we really need these? Human nature, that is we have things that we can not resist no matter what people say. Chocolate, certain fruits, sweets in general, you know just a few things to generalize on. But some peoples temptations run deeper than the simple things. Some peoples temptations can be the opposite sex, drugs, you know the things that are not all sugar and spice. When it comes down to it, what are your temptations, and will you be honest and admit all of them. For real if you know what your temptation is, try to master it, by not letting it get the best of you. All temptation is not bad, but at the same time not all is good, you have to look at the fence from both sides, just because one side is pretty and neat the other side might be all tore up and ready to hurt you. Remember, to love all things equal and to never prejudge just weigh your options, that is the best way to look at temptation, as an option and is it really what you want. Is your temptation worth all the effort and energy that you put forth to get it? For everyone that reads these I am so sorry that it has been a minute since I put a new one on here and I hope that this was worth the wait. I enjoy all of your comments so keep it real and leave one... In closing......

Am I your temptation, or are you mine? Would you tell me or do you know if you are mine? Only time will tell if one of these is true and remember that life is one big.....

TEMPTATION......

Sister

What is a sister to you? To me it is to have someone that knows everything about you, all your hidden agendas, flaws, and strengths, and loves you for who you are. Is this someone that is only related to you? No, we all have sisters, good (real) friends, the ones that take time out for you. I have so many sisters, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for being you. I want to tell my blood sisters Babs, and Kool Points, that without you I don't know what I would do. I love you two and would never want anyone else. You inspire me to be the person I am and trying to be, for that I thank you. All my sisters out there, that have always been there for me through the good, bad and ugly, you already know... Elise, thank you for always telling me not to be scared it is all right to have fun and there are better things out there for me. Sonya, you are like my mom more than a sister but you still are my older sister, I love you for the harsh and sternness in your voice when you would get mad at me for messing up and for showing concern when I didn't think it mattered. Shami, you are the best you showed me to stand up for myself and we grew together you always have a place to lay your head if you are coming through my neighborhood. Cara and Edith, damn the shit that we have been through, will never be forgotten, I want you to know that Korea is a life changing experience, we have grown so much here and I can't wait to see what else is in store for us. Jen, you are a great lil sister, keep growing and remember that we have come a long way don't go backwards now, always look at the green side of the grass. Michelle, you really are my mom you always make me do this and that and thank you, thank you, thank you, I know that you are always doing this to look out for my well being. To all of you we learn from each other everyday, there are more people to add but not enough time, I love you all and if you are not here in this blog you will make one, so don't give up on that. Who are your sisters and what do they mean to you? I don't know what I would do without a......

SISTER......

RISKS.....

Do you take risks? I think that we all do to an extent. These are some things that are risks that I put in perspective for you that we do everyday without thinking....

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To cry or weep is to risk being sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings or emotions is to risk rejection
To present your dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To push forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to
risk failure

But we must take risks cause our greatest risk in life is
to not risk at all. The person that risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing... You may avoid
suffering and sorrows, but you will never learn, feel or
be content in life without taking risks. These are life's
pleasures. The next time you want to be self- conscious
or timid remember that no one matters but you and the ones
that are your friends and loved ones. The rest who cares
what they think. You can hate me now, because hate is a
waste of energy, if you hate someone for the risk they took
then you are unhappy. Remember, that when you hate a
person, they either don't know or don't care so you alone
are hating. Keep moving forward and remember to live
life and the only way to truly do this is to take.....

RISKS.....

Sacrifices.....

Sometimes we do things to make other people happy knowing that it is nothing that we won't to do, sacrifices... This is what I do everyday in the Army I am away from my Bookie and I make that sacrifice to keep her happy all though I know that she would rather have me with her. I know that in the past I have spoke on not knowing me, well some sacrifices I have made is losing myself to be someone I thought people wanted me to be. I have come to realize that I don't like this new me, I want to just be me again and I am making some steps right now in the right direction that are big sacrifices. I have acted out to push people away some may have thought that I was mad, but I was doing this to push them away and it worked. I never meant to hurt anyone, I had to do it. My mother made sacrifices for me I know that she didn't want the life that she has had but we end up that way due to the position in which we find ourselves. I hope that when you make sacrifices that you don't hurt anyone in the process like I have. I just want them to know that I am slowly becoming the person that everyone loved and respected before and I want you to know that I love you as well. Remember, that I am here regardless, if I act out of character it is not you it is my pushing you out of my life, I don't like people to get close and that is my down fall. Let me have time to heal I never gave myself that time and now I am. Bare with me, for I would do it for you. This is a sacrifice I ask of you if you are a true friend and you love me all my friends, just make this sacrifice for me.... How many of us day to day go out and make sacrifices for the ones we love, or for yourselves to make it better for yourself? Life is all about the.....

SACRIFICES.....

WHY CRY???

Why cry for someone that will never cry for me?
Why cry when it seems to never make a mends to the problem?
Why cry when you know that the pain will remain?
Why cry after it is all said and done you can't undo the done?
Why cry for love that was never meant to be, for if it was they
would not leave you?
Why cry for yourself, is this satisfaction or the healing process?
Why cry for a broken heart, you will mend and be loved again?
Why cry if you know that the tears will never be seen?
Why cry when we get hurt is it to ease the pain?
Why cry for a love that is never going to return but when it was
there it felt so right?

Who cares if you cry, it is human nature and you have to let it
out, go ahead and cry this shows that you are humble and that
you have emotions. That is not a weakness but yet a strength.
Have you ever asked yourself why cry for any of these reasons?
I can tell you this, these are all the reasons....

WHY I CRY......

Simple Things....

You ever wonder what is meant by the saying simple things??? What are the simple things in life? I know that all I wanted was the simple things and that person could not give them to me... He wanted everything from me and in return nothing for me. But that is not the reason I write this one today I write this one to let him know that it is ok.. You wanted more than you said, but in the end you wanted to be alone... You know that you are never going to be content in a relationship until you close all of your open books.... You have a lot to bring to the table but you are not yet man enough nor ready to cut off the loose ends. That is all right I was ready for you and you weren't ready for anything but yourself, you are selfish and don't care about anything and right now I see you being alone for along time... What goes around comes around and I should have known better than to step up to the plate and try to hit a home run with you as the pitcher.. You threw me a curve ball and then a slider and now damn, it hurts but I will go on. Just to let you know there are no hard feelings I chose to leave because I had feelings and you didn't, I can't cry over someone that won't cry for me. I know that when I said I love you I meant it, regardless of what you thought you were saying when you said it to me it is not the issue. Keep doing you and make sure that you are happy. Remember that you told me you changed from the kid that used to run the streets, do I know this to be fact, no. I see the same old person from Germany that thought he was a playa, but go head and do that damn thing if that is what makes you happy. Keep it real with yourself and you will never have to worry about the truth hiding in the dark. Holla at me and you will know what it means to want....

SIMPLE THINGS..........

Role Model....

Can I be that someone that you look to when everything else fails you? I want to be your, example, trend and limitation setter. There are limits to everything we do, so don't get that twisted. I want to be the one that is your hero, cause you are mine. I want to know that when you get older or mature that you take some of my good values, I don't want you to be like me, cause you are you for a reason. Originality, that is what makes people unique and also envious, please do not envy me, just look to me to guide you in the right direction. Someone that helps you accomplish your dreams and expectations. Is it easy to be a role model, no and yes. We are all role models to someone rather we know it or not, someone always looks up to you. So think about that the next time you think of doing something out of character or just plain stupid. Who is your role model....? Can I be your...

ROLE MODEL..................

A Brief Moment...

Wish for just a brief moment I would be able to talk to you and you would listen.
For just a brief moment you would actually care what it is I had to say
For just a brief moment you knew how to make the world go away
For just a brief moment I thought I heard you say you want me to stay
For just a brief moment I wish that it was in your arms where I lay
For just a brief moment I want everything to go back to the old way
For just a brief moment I thought you said this would be my day
For just a brief moment I know I heard you say that this is all a game we play
For just a brief moment can I tell you everything I was scared to before
For just a brief moment I want to sneak away and just be in tuned to you
For just a brief moment can you try and act like I mean more than anything else to you
For just a brief moment I know I saw that look of what used to be love
For just a brief moment you held me like you used to do
For just a brief moment that is all I really want can you spare a moment with me??
I never thought that I would want just a brief moment but when you lose everything you love it hurts and you would do anything to get them back if for only....

A BRIEF MOMENT.....

Kiyara

Something I never thought I would have
A baby girl to say the least a superstar
So unique in all your aspects, how can anyone compete
You made me into an adult and made my life complete
You are beauty, in it's truest form
My world is but a a doorway to your life
You are going to be so much more than world is even ready for
Baby, you inspire me and I want you to know that it is you I adore
Keep your grace and remember that you are worth more
You are a superstar, show stopper and demand an encore

This is all for you the one that makes my life worth living. I hope that I will be everything that a mother is supposed to be for their daughter. I love you Bookie, I miss you so much mami... You are everything and then some, you are.......

KIYARA....

This is Me...

How do you view me? How does the world view you? Do we really care? I know that I do to an extent but then on the other hand no I don't. If you can't handle the truth don't ask the question. Be real, up front and to the point, blunt. That is me, I like to say what I mean and mean what I say. I have come to find that people respect me more when you get straight down to it and don't beat around the bush. We know that we some times tend to lie so not to hurt someone but if they find out anyways it hurts more in the end. It is going to hurt regardless, so just get it over with in the beginning. Like people trying to cheat be playa's, pimp's or whatever you want to call it. It all comes back and you should have left that person before stepping out on them, but I guess you are not man or woman enough to deal with the loss... Games or what we did as children so tell me why you can say that you are grown and still play damn games? Likely excuse you are a child at heart.... Right? I think that I have made it thus far for being me true, raw, emotions on the sleeve, original and out right blunt, ask and I will answer you with nothing but the truth. I love with no regrets and help out anyone, no one is better than me and I am no better than the next. This is me, everything I am is do to you and people like you... Who is this to? That is what you want to know, but if you think that this pertains to you then it probably does. If you don't like me then you need not worry I don't care. Oh ya,

THIS IS ME.......

DW

This one goes to out to someone that I still think about and maybe he knows, or not, but you must know by now... That my love has never stopped. What can I say I love you in some many ways. I know that it may be wrong but I have to be strong and let you know that you are a constantly on my mind. I miss everything that we used to be... I know that, that was then and this is now. I am glad that we had what we did. You made me a better person, and for that I thank you. Remember, to take what you can from a broken relationship and move on with the good. There is always something that you can take from a relationship, you just happened to give me fuel to my fire. I was strong from being hurt from Q, but you made me stronger, knowing that nothing is guaranteed. You are a great person and I hope that your mother is doing good, your sister and the new baby are doing well, I hope. Just remember that I will always be your friend contrary to popular belief. Keep your head up and glad that you are going drill that is what you wanted so do that and keep up the fire... You have done well thus far you will meet the right one soon. Get at me if you ever need anything. Remember, that when you point the finger or do dirt there are three pointing back at you. I am doing this one for.....

DW (Will)......

Allow Myself....

Will I ever be able to allow myself, to just let go? Do you allow yourself to be free? I think about the things I have been through the trials and tribulations my family and friends have been through. I wonder, will all of this make me analyze the world differently and make it so that I hesitate to allow myself to be loved? Maybe, I will never allow myself the simple joy of saying hello for the first time and knowing that this is the beginning and not the ending. Do you allow yourself the feeling of bliss when you just had your first kiss with that special someone or do you like so many of us do try to hide your feelings and cut off your emotions. We need to learn how to allow ourselves these simple pleasures in life. We go through life always wanting acceptance from our peers but you need to know that you will never be happy living your life to impress others. You need to allow yourself to be yourself and forget about the rest of the world, be happy... I have come to allow myself the courage to share this page with friends and everyone else who wants to read it.. I wish I would have learned to allow myself to open up more to my friends and family in the past, maybe things would be different. Things are the way they are for a reason and you can only make a difference to the present and the future. It's all what you make of it. So are you going to allow yourself everything??? How about we just learn to allow ourselves something that makes us happy with out the feeling of regret, remorse, or guilt..? Try that one on for size, allow yourself like I am about to start allowing myself to love with all my heart and not fear the un-mentionable.. I am going to allow myself to see everything for what it is and allow myself to appreciate all that life has to offer.... To my friends of now, then and future continue to remind me to allow myself to enjoy life, I will do it for you.. My family, I apologize now for not knowing how to......

ALLOW MYSELF.....

Too Shady.....

Damn, the things that people do or say to turn friends against each other.. I know now that I have some good friends that don't listen to BS.... People are unhappy with their lives or themselves so they try to make everyone else unhappy around them.. Damn, yo, get a clue, this is not that serious. The best thing for you to do which my friend did is go to the source and ask plain and simple what happened. Squash it. Sometimes people can really be ugly they smile in your face but really they just want to take your place, you know "backstabber's"... (Smile) I had to get at this one, because do to popular belief they are out there. Keep being great friends and if you got an issue work it out. I will never say, do, or act out of character and deny it if I wasn't going to tell you to your face. Remember, that we all need good friends to rely, trust and confide in.... Keep it real with me and I will definitely keep it real with you, always. Just don't let yourself be the one that is being....

TOO SHADY....

Words to a Ghost Love

Where are you? Gone, or did you ever really exist? My love for you was so strong, yet you denied it and left me alone and sad. The funny thing is I still feel your presence, I know that you are here somewhere.... Why can't I find you? Do I need you? No, but, it would be nice to be with you again. Why when you did me wrong I accepted your apology and took you back with open arms. However, when I stepped out of character one time, you leave me forever? Is this right, can you tell me that you don't love me? Did you ever really love me? I know that we are all just human and prone to make mistakes, and forgiving is the key and learning from that is the answer. You can make a mistake and be forgiven this is your chance at redeeming yourself... I gave you the chance over and over again, my love, but you somehow felt it necessary not to allow me the opportunity to redeem myself. Once, I felt your love and the tenderness in your touch and the concern in your voice. How could this just have been made up? Was I imagining all of this? I hope not, just because you went away, doesn't mean that you changed in my heart. You were perfect to me, all your imperfections were cute to me, and is what made you, you. I miss your smile and the way your voice sounded on the phone when you were worried about me. I want to be the one that you tell you love and the one that you come home to at night. Where are you? Oh, yes this is just my imagination running array.
Remember we all have ghost loves, they are someone that is perfect that we lost, never had, or just will always want... Who is your ghost love and how do your words sound, similar?
If you get this or you are out there and some how hear this. These are my...

WORDS TO A GHOST LOVE.....

Where I Wanna Be....

Today, I sit and think, is this where I wanna be? Are you where you wanna be? Can you honestly say this is where you wanna be? No, I know this is not where I wanna be, I know that I am young still and have so much left to learn. I am here waiting, willing, yearning to be your student, teach me everything you know I will be a sponge to your knowledge and absorb everything you want to share with me. On the other hand, I don't know if with you is where I wanna be, to me you have prior engagements not including me or a hidden agenda. How cliche' that would be for me to say that I trust you when I know there is doubt lingering there. I need to find out where I wanna be I know that I want you, I don't want to hurt you and I definitely don't want to lose you. Would you be willing to allow me the ample time to see where I wanna be? I know that this is a hard question, but I love you and I don't want to hurt you by staying with you and me being unhappy and in turn making the feeling mutual. Can you let me go without letting go? I don't want to lose you like I said before but I am afraid that if I don't do this now I will lose you all together. This is a hard decision and I know that you may think that I am running away since I don't know what it is like when you find something that doesn't want to use or hurt you... I need to find me, forgive myself and forgive him, before I can love me and allow myself to be loved. You can never truly love or be loved until you have forgiven yourself and the person that did you wrong and then look at yourself and love what you see. It is hard to say this but, I need to know.....

WHERE I WANNA BE.......

LOST LOVE

I wish yesterday were here 2day
and he would be beside me, and as we lay
Close to one another; my head on his chest
Warm and naked I can feel his skin on mine
The very thought of him arouses me like no other
Anytime, anyplace I need him, I want him; yearning to love him
Why did he leave, then let me find him and
But for some reason a road block has kept me a far
I have my hammer and chisel ready and willing to work hard
at breaking down those barriers and layers of ice
That have caused this cold heart
A heart that once looked at me like I was a Queen
It was definitely love cuz my heart saw him as a King
A King who has been through hell and back
Not loved right and mistreated; this is a fact
Lord knows I understand cuz I've been through similar things
But all I know is I would give anything...you hear me; anything
To have yesterday back, days when I was your Queen and u were my King
Days when we spent endless hours lost in each others thoughts
lusting and loving each other, showing u how much I care
So if u ever hear this or find these words that I write
Know that those were the best times of my life
And no one could ever replace the truth...I LOVE YOU

This one was one that I really debated on putting on here since I know that people are going to read this, the funny thing is, I write stuff similar to this all the time I just don't like people to see this side of me... True feelings, raw emotions, uncensored, keep it real. Hope that you liked this one and tell me how you feel... Did I lose you just to find you again and lose you all over?

LOST LOVE.....

Face Value.......

What does this phrase mean to you? Let me ask you this do you take a conversation for instance at face value or do you read in to it? How about a relationship, do you take it for face value or do you think there is something more. Face Value, those two simple words can get you in to so much trouble because if you always take it for face value, you might just lose the greatest thing you have ever known in your life. There are some things that you should take for face value or the term that means the same, "with a grain of salt". If you can do this through out life you will be alone, maybe you would like that and really have no feelings for the people you affect. Myself I take each day as the last and remember that everyone I meet is someone special, if not to me they mean the world to someone and you need to give them respect, even if they are rude towards you. Remember you are the one that chooses who you take at face value and who you take for who they really are. Face value, could be as shallow as there physical beauty, or body, not them as a person. Face value could be you loving someone for there families money or their own money. Face value to say the least is being shallow. To each your own, but what do you view people as, themselves or for their.....

FACE VALUE......

Frustrated.....

Hmmmmm. How can I start this. Well, let's just start it like this, I don't need anything, but I have one question for you.... If I stopped talking to you today, would you cry? No, that's what I thought, so why should I cry over you? Funny we are so selfish that we think that world revolves around us. Look at the big picture it revolves around everyone and effects everyone so stop and try to help as many people as you can. I am not trying to say not to be happy in your life but remember there are other people that you can help. I feel that I am lost a lot of the time and I need guidance but I feel that a lot of my friends don't seem to come through for me, funny how you are there for them when needed but they are not for you???? Frustrated, because it is funny how you hear something from someone you haven't known long enough to call someone but you would take their word due to the fact they sleep with you but you and your friends might have a fall out???? Frustrated, because how would you act, think about that... Pre-judge, that's wrong.... Frustrated, because I give my all and don't recieve a 110% in return. Anger solves nothing and you need to talk to me about everything so that I can do my best to understand and give my assistance to help. Remember who was there for you before that cat showed up and before you meet that girl if needs be ....HUH. Adrion, I know you just got to Iraq pa, I like the blog you set off, I miss you so much fam and I am missing you like crazy I wish that we could be together at the same duty station. Yo, if you need anything let me know for real for real. I got you, naw mean, I want you to meet Rod, for real. Holla at me when you can. Rod, please think about what you do, hell everyone think about what you do.... Love you fam(Smoke and Adrion). But you know I am...

FRUSTRATED.....

This Goes Out....

This goes out to everyone that is someone's daughter or son. You know some things that you need in life are love, attention, and gratitude. I am proud of all my friends, Cara and Edith, for real you guys are off the chain and where ever I go I will always keep in touch with you. Edith, you have so much potential and opportunities in front of you, now you just need to get focused and get out there and get what you want. I am glad that you are happy with your man, my boogie down partner. Remember that if you ever need a shoulder, mami I am here for you, I will never judge you for the things that you say or do, but I will help try to mentor you and lead you down the right track when you get lost. Cara, what can I say, you turned me in to an alcoholic..LOL No, for real though I am so glad that we can talk about everything and not worry about one or the other talking about each other or judging, you know. Glad that you as well have found someone that makes you happy. Keep doing you and if you ever need something get at me. Aaron, you are my brother maybe not by blood, but I know that we are fam. I am so glad that we became so close and no matter where you go if you need anything you always will have a way to get in contact with me. Don't get lost again, if you feel that you are starting to go down that path you know who is there, ME (smile). Jen, you know already that me and you will remain friends, where ever our endeavors take us. You are off the chain just remember that if you need someone to talk to I am always going to be here. I am never more than a phone call, e-mail or letter away. Rod, what else is there to say you know already. A little advice just remember that if you got something good don't let it go, do everything you can to do right by them. Remember, that when someone cares about you they might act out of character sometimes but it is concern and a natural thing, maybe you never had someone care about you before so when someone acts out you act stupid toward them....? This is to everyone you know advice is free are you willing to listen. Remember, that everything you do comes back on you three times over. One last thing, people may think they know you by the way you seem, but only a few truly know you for you. I had to do this for you all and if you are not in this one there are more to come cause.....

THIS GOES OUT........

To My Brother.....

Josh, what can I say...? Hey Jewish, you are the one that always was crazy and off the chain, and I can't believe that I was the one blamed for all the BS you know. But I am so glad that we are friends which means so much more than just being sister and brothers, you know. We been through a lot right, yo? I just want to let you know that I appreciate you being there and doing my work that pops used to give us.. How you like me now..LOL I know that you remember all those times I had to cover for you when you had been drinking or your dumb ass friends had been at the house being start stupid... I miss the close calls sometimes, yo, for real I wanted to tell on you sometimes (smile). Yo, remember that time when we left school and went shopping with your credit card, or that time that Josh (Reynolds) had all those damn straws like 60 of them hooked together from McDonald's and had them hanging out the window. Yo, or the time that we were having that house party and everyone was drunk and passed out and then pops came home early... I thought that we were busted for real. I am glad that you always supported me for not drinking and not smoking (anything) LOL. I love you, yo and you have been there for me when I need someone to talk to just like I was there for you as I am still. Remember, that I am not hard on you just cause, I do it cause I don't know how to be me anymore... Can you help me be me again? Yo, I hope that you read this and you know that you mean much more to me than I have ever told you. This is just a little something that is....

TO MY BROTHER......

Clear My Mind..

Can you help me clear my mind? I have a lot on it, are you sure that you are willing to take on the burden to help me clear my mind? Everyone has something that is on their mind, you know we are constantly thinking of something. Is what is on your mind something worth keep your mind foggy? Is there something that you want to talk about? Does it seem like there is no one to turn to? Do you need to clear your mind? Keep in mind that the burdens you share with me are strictly between me and you.... Trust, I will not tell your secrets, they are yours and you confide in me for a reason, right??? To simply clear your mind... Can you listen to me, can I confide in you and trust you with all my inner most secrets? I need to clear my mind, are you who I think you are? Are you going to talk, laugh or joke about me? When you are around I am immensely amused by the way you show you care about me. Is this a front? On the phone you show concern in your voice and give me a feeling of serenity. Are you the one that is here for me to clear my mind, and confide in? I know that I am here for you, if you need me reach out, I am always there. Thinking, worrying, wanting, just you.... Can I be the one to help you.....

CLEAR YOUR MIND.....

Ode to a dear friend.........

My friend that has been there through my Korean experience that is my brother, for life. I know that we will part on good terms and that the times that we shared here, be them good bad or indifferent were all worth it. I know that we have been through a lot together and had each other to lean on and confide in. You are the one that I would consider true to heart and I am glad that I was able to help you find yourself you know. I am also glad that you helped me relax and start letting loose and not really being up tight about so much... You know what I mean. We will take with us our sister, Giggles, she has been the one that is off the Richter. I love you, ma, you keep the party going...(Smile) You know that you me and P had some real good times. Cara, had to be the one that made me and you turn in to alcoholics, LOL not trying to blame you...(smile) Those times will never be forgotten. Jen, she has been chillin with us for the past 6 months almost and damn, everyone has had some great times, you are off the chain and I know you mean a lot to P and me.. Yo, Smoke Dogg, you know that you are leaving with a piece of my heart. You know all of my trials and tribulations and you met Fish a piece of my past and now my present and he told you everything that I told you about me.. You just know that I am real and you have let me be me. People are so scared to be themselves and I think that I make people feel at ease around me so that they can act themselves regardless and not worry about impressing someone. My heart will be missing a big piece when you leave but I know that if I don't see a majority of the people I have met through out my military career I will see you again for sure. Make sure that you never forget that you are the one that makes a difference in so many lives and that you need to keep a good head on your shoulders and when times get rough I will be there supporting you through what ever you are going thru. Hope that you know this, I love you man.... This is not but a touch of what I want to say so stay tuned for future posts..
The only way to express is to show you this...

ODE TO A DEAR FRIEND...

Relationships

In a relationship, if I could get the five things..........that would really make my heart sing....
1. A love that wont die....
2. Eyes that wont cry.....
3. And lips that wont lie...
4. A heart that will mend...
5. A life so that I`ll sacrifice...

These are what I want I don't know what it is you want, tell me so that this thing can work. Only communication can make something work. Talk out the issues be it good or bad let that person know what is wrong. If you don't you build up so much, anger that you will begin to hate that person and the love dies. Remember a relationship, be it friends, family or lovers, is a two way street. You are probably wondering why I always write on love, but if you took the time to read you will see that I write on everything. Keep up all efforts to love like it is your first love and live life like its your last breath. Always remember have no regrets.

"You can`t make someone love you, just be the one who can be loved"...."Love is when you dont sleep and think that reality is better than a dream".........................
So keep this thing strong and remember that regardless of the relationship it is the effort you put forth that determines the results... Everything revolves around....

RELATIONSHIPS......

Everytime....

Everytime I go to sleep I think of you
Everytime I think about you I get weak
Everytime I am alone I wish you were near
Everytime I hear the phone ring I think it's you I will hear
Everytime I am about to just give up you give me hope
Everytime I need you, you are there
Everytime I want to give up you push me
Everytime I think there is no point you give me one
Everytime I want to be comforted you try your best
Everytime I need a friend you give me your full attention
Everytime I think that the world has given up you let me know they are waiting on me
Everytime I need family you step in and be my long distance love
Everytime I want to tell you thank you for all you do, you tell me thank you
Everytime I look at you I get lost and forget all the problems I am having
Everytime I think that you are leaving you stay and give me the attention I need
Everytime I act out of character I need you to know it is because I can't help it I CARE for U
Everytime you do something for me I love it, LOVE, everything....

EVERYTIME.........

I LOVE YOU.......

Three of the most powerful, miss used and abused words in the world. How can those three small words do so much? To think that without out one another they are harmless. But when you say I love you to someone that means that you are committed and would not doing anything grimey to hurt that person. No playing on the side giving your number to meaningless people, you know that in the end all this does is cause drama. You let these feelings control your emotions, some people say they love you and really just say I love you, because they think that is what you want to hear. Maybe, they say it to try to keep you, knowing they really don't love you. Despite the notion that love is all you need, you really need to be loved you can love all day, but at the end of the day, is the love being returned? Can you go on saying those words, thinking you mean them but not really? Is love in the world a game or is there still people out there that truly know what love is and understand that love is work and that you have to put all efforts forward, not half ass. You can not fully love some one if you have prior engagements. Leave the drama alone, trust is there and earned, but is taken when you act a fool. Don't leave room for error, make sure they know you care. It's not fun to be hurt, specially when you find out the others dirt. Damn, the things that happen to us in our lives is not always the best. Make sure that you are never scared to live and love, when you do it, do it all out don't hold back. Jealousy is a hard thing to hide, fight or deal with, everyone has it, how do you deal with it. I act very different then others and some might think that it is childish or crazy but the way I deal with my problems is to not talk when I am mad but to talk later when I am level headed. Nothing is resolved when you yell and scream or argue about something. If you tell someone that you love them then mean it don't just say it to hear it. I know when I have said it the few times I have always meant it, funny I never told Q I loved him, I told him I had love for him, never loved him the way I love someone now. Never thought that love would be like this, now I know it takes work and patience I knew part of that but now I know. Think about everything you say everyday and if you really do love that special someone you can whole heartedly say......

I LOVE YOU........

Maybe..........

Maybe we are supposed to meet the wrong ones before we meet the good one, because this will make us appreciate them more. Maybe, a good friend is someone that you can just sit with, without saying anything and when you walk away think that is the best conversation you ever had. Maybe, it's true that we don't know what we have until it's gone, and we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives. Maybe, when the door of happiness closes, there is always another door opening to welcome us. Maybe, we miss the opportunity to go through the new door due to the fact that we are stuck looking at the door that closed on us. Maybe, we have a lot of good things in our life that we just take for granted, unknowingly. Maybe, someone in your life gave you everything that you should have but never had in a relationship, or friendship but didn't know what to do and you hurt them in the end. Maybe, we should remember that when we love someone we should never expect love in return, we should let it grow and if it doesn't then be happy knowing that it grew in you. Maybe, we should know that it takes a minute to crush someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Maybe love plays a big role in our lives and a lot of us are scared to love again from the past miss happenings. Maybe, you have everything that you ever needed right in front of your face, you just don't know what to do with it, or you might ask yourself is this for real? Maybe, there are things that we can not explain we just do them and never wonder why, do you wonder why? Maybe, life deals us the hands due to the fact that we are all made different we just have to learn to live with our imperfections. Maybe, the one you love hopefully loves you just as much if not more for everything excepts you for every flaw and imperfection that you have. Maybe I am just a person that has something to say and looking for someone to hear it, what do you think? Maybe, the person that has my love is the luckiest person in the world, the boundaries are limitless and you should no there is nothing I won't do for you. Maybe, we all have something that bonds us to life's struggles but we all have to remember that we have choices and making the one that makes you happy is the one you should choose, but remember that sometimes we have to make sacrifices to make ourselves and the ones you love happy. Maybe you should ask yourself what is in store for you, because there is always something good for you in store and remember there is always....

MAYBE.....

Never Change....

Remember the first person you fell in love with? Your love was so innocent, you had not been corrupted be false love or lies that some many of us have come to find. Remember that feeling when the two of you were apart you never felt fulfilled? Like life was so different without that special someone? Love had no plays sometimes it hurt but it felt good and gave you those silly butterflies in your stomach. You felt like a little kid in a candy store every time you saw them or thought about them. I just want that same old innocence back you know. Love should be pure, innocent and flawless. Not saying there is not pain and struggle in love but like Frederick Douglass said. "without struggle there is no progress," this is true in every aspect of life, specially when it comes to love. With love you meet and fall in love with the person for that person what ever they look like or act like and look past all their imperfections. That is why no matter how they change when you grow old you are supposed to love them regardless. The outside (body) might change but they are still the person you initially fell in love with. That is why a lot of people that are friends and lovers to you always tell you never change, they love you for you. Don't change for anyone you are unique and that is why they fell for you in the first place. Keep your oginality and everything that makes you, you. I don't ever want you to change baby you are original and I love that about you pa.....

NEVER CHANGE...........

Have I met you...

I have one question, have I met you before?
I know I love you and have feelings for you, but have I met you somewhere before?
It seems like we have known each other for awhile maybe even a time prior to now, have I met you before?
How can we have so much in common and talk on the phone and laugh like we are reminiscing of the past, have I met you before?
What makes you different from the others, is there something I don't know, have I met you before?
Why do you have this effect on me, have I met you before?
I need to know why I feel this way for you, have I met you before?
Do we have a past, present or even future together, have I met you before?
Can you calm my nerves and tell me.....

HAVE I MET YOU BEFORE......

Funny thing is I have and now I know it was there the whole time. It took you to come back, for you to see what you meant to me.. Funny how the past plays a major role on your future. You know I love you right????

Hard In The Paint.........

Can you consider this statement vulgar or uncouth? If that is what you think that means... To me it is doing the very best I can do and going above and beyond the limitations or standards set. You know that when I come in I go in hard and go out hard. The only way to get ahead in this life is to be noticed. The things that are funny is to see someone weak get their ankles broke by a mean crossover cause I took you to the hole and yes you know I went hard in the paint.!! The best thing is when you see the strong assist the weak they say only the strong survive but why would you want that? How about everyone comes out by going hard in the paint some just need a little extra support. My sister Krystal is a number one stunna and is off the chain she goes hard in the paint everyday, she has problems with her heart but she doesn't let that stop her from going out and getting dirty. She is great in the sport of volleyball and gives her all, that's going hard in the paint. My mother, is my heart she is forever doing something to help out with my daughter, she takes care of home, with my two sisters, and my step dad whose cancer is back so you know she goes hard in the paint. My grandmother, is the lifeline of our family, she ensures regardless of what she is going through and everyone else that our family stays in tact, she definitely goes hard in the paint. My Aunt Maura, you are so off the chain and keep me smiling just hope that you will never loose your childness, you go hard in the paint, you fought cancer and won. Rod, sometimes life gives you a hand that is not great but baby boy you know that there are things out there that happen for a reason, damn, look you found me after how long, coincidence, I think not, you will always come out on top, pa because you never give up, regardless I will always be there for you I got nothing but love for you baby, you always go hard in the paint, crash the boards, pa. Smoke Dogg, man the stuff that we've been through here, funny huh, never thought that life would deal you this one? You know we always talk through stuff I got you for the male perspective and the big brother aspect and you got me for the lil sister and female aspect, you are always going to be posting up and going hard in the paint. Jen, you have changed so much towards the good since me and you have been hanging out together and I think that is so great you are learning to be more self proficient and not really caring about opening up anymore, that is going hard in the paint, ma. Laura, you know since I have been here I always like joking with you and if you ever need anything you can always get at me I got your back, remember that. You have changed a lot as well, you are more relaxed and keep up the can do attitude don't get into a rut where you think everyone is picking on you, remember you could work my job...LOL. Keep going hard in the paint. Sly, you know from what I have seen and talked to you, you atleast have some sense and you definitely go hard in the paint, pa. Dawit, you know you have been through a lot pa, and you are still kickin' don't give up on anything and I won't give up on you, when you are down I will help you up and just remember that the things you have been through and you came out of made you a better person and for that you go hard in the paint. Adrion you have had a lot of growing and experience that was just thrown upon you in the past year and you handled it well I am so glad that we are fam, you will always go hard in the paint. Adrian, pa you are the one, you are always there with a comment and suggestion I hope that you keep up the knowledge and start writing more you know, keep going hard in the paint. Shami, Jerry, Cara, Giggles, and Michelle, you are all a great asset in my life and I appreciate all you do, keep going hard in the paint. Will (DeCory), you will never know how hard I went in the paint for you, but that is all right pa, everyone changes and talking to you now you seem changed and that is great. I hope that we will be friends in the future and remain that until it is exhausted, you have a great family and I know you know that keep going hard in the paint. I love all of yous, if I didn't put you in here, it doesn't mean that you aren't going hard in the paint or that you don't mean something to me, I just have to end somewhere, I will get you on one of these, keep reading and you will never be disappointed. How do you assess yourself? Can you honestly say that you go.....

HARD IN THE PAINT......

Always.....

I have heard and learned alot of things in my life. One thing that stuck with me is, a saying that went something like this. Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. Don't cry over anyone that won't cry for you. Good friends are hard to find, even harder to leave and impossible to forget. You can only go as far as you push yourself, actions speak louder than words. The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else. Don't live in the past, because you are missing all the good stuff now.... life's too short. Friendship is like the breeze, you can not hold it, smell it, taste it, or know when it is coming. But you can always feel it, and you will always know it is there. It may come and go but you know it will always be back. Rememeber to always give your all in everything in all you do, as long as you know you did your best there is no regrets. Always love like it is your first, always play like it is your last game, always study like you are taking a final. Remember that you can make the difference in your life and in someone elses, don't hold back the potential you were given. Make sure you always smile, always say to someone even if you don't know them. Always think that there are others in worse predicaments then yourself. Always give with a kind heart, and always remember that someone loves you back. Can you say that you are the one that does everything to the fullest......

ALWAYS..........

To everyone that I have met along the way... I will ALWAYS give you my all. Who knows, when we go.... Today is today, tomorrow might not come, so holla at ya girl. If you want something or someone then go take that chance you never know they might want you....

Is the love still good

Have you ever been away and thought that when you get back everything would be the same? Is that one person you loved before or just wanted to know better different when you finally see them again? But you want to be like old times so you try it out anyways, is the love still good? Can you really say that you both haven't moved on to bigger and better things? Or honestly say that they are not the person you remember or fell in love with? Is the love still good? Keep up the fire and try to never stop it from burning instead of trying to re-kindle the fire. There is always something lost when you try to start again. Is the love still good? Have you ever asked yourself why you are with the person you are with? Is it because you think they will change and become something you want them to, or something that they once were? Is the love still good? I hope that you always can keep that fire burning strong no matter what happens, make sure you keep the love good. I know that the love is still good for me...LOL I haven't changed too much if any and I like the way that I am. I can grow and develop with the person that I am with. Yes, the love is still good, is it for you? Next time think about this do you want to remember people for who they were or do you want to take a chance and see who they are now? You might never think of them the same but it is all up to you.....

Is the love still good......

Can I be....

Can I be your sunshine on a cloudy day?
Can I be your strength when you are weak?
Can I be the one you turn to in good and bad times?
Can I be your family, friend and confidon?
Can I be the only one that seems to get you thru the day?
Can I be the one that always makes you happy?
Can I be the friend that you never had?
Can I be everything you are not?
Can I be with you for whom I am?
Can I be just me?

Can I be....

For anyone that this touches I will be there for you...

I AM............

I AM:

I am the one that love pursues
I am beauty in an ugly world
I am athletic when the world is lazy I stay active
I am envied by few and loved by many
I am purity in its purest form
I am loving, caring and nurturing in a world of disregard
I am waiting on you to catch up with me
I am your strength when you can't go on
I am your hope when all else has failed you
I am simple in a fast paced, complicated world
I am soft, gentle and humble without losing my pride
I am everything I want to be
I am just me.......

I AM.... By: ME for my lovely lil sister (Babs)

Conscious

You ever watch, Pinocchio, when you were a kid? Do you remember Jimney Cricket? Your conscious is a powerful thing and can have you do right if you listen to it. Some people chose to do otherwise. I find myself a lot of times in situations where I should have left or I doubt that the person I am doing the stuff for really doesn't care or they are just using me. Some how I put that to the side and move forward with the task at hand. I know that I can give and forget, but receive and never forget and that is the way it should be. Give with a light heart and receive with a mind full of new memories to cherish. Is your conscious clear or is it heavy with regret? Only you can clear your conscious, you should start now. I live life to the fullest everyday, love to my fullest potential and give my all in everything I do. I know that you are always going to have something on your mind but make sure that you don't carry heavy burdens with you through life. This gives extra strain and allows you to hold back from living and enjoying life to its full potential. If you know or have a feeling that what you are doing is grimey stop think about the pain and suffering that might come along with it. Your conscious is there to steer you down the right path, you live and learn and life's lessons play a role in your conscious. Remember what ever you put into life you will get back, your kindness is always rewarded may not always be right away but it will come back to you. Your wrong doings will come back to you ten times over. Think about that voice the next time you want to do something, it is telling you the right thing that is your......

CONSCIOUS....

Imagine That

Never would have in a dream that would be considered one of the best, thought that I would come to have daughter that is so beautiful and smart. She is the one that makes me get through the hardest situations, no matter what I go through I know that she is there waiting for me. I have to set the example, me a mom who would have imagined that? Not me, I am a kid myself, always playing and having fun. I found that you don't have to change all that much when you have a kid you just have to be more strict and watch what you do in front of them. My daughter is my best friend and I am glad to have been blessed with a child like this. Funny how I used to talk alot of junk and say I don't ever want to be married never want kids and I am never going to change. I have come to this median in life where, I want a family, I'm ready to settle down, but the other one I don't know if I will ever grow up all the way. I like to have fun, can't lose my edge. There is a time to have fun and i know when the time to be serious is so why should I have to lose all of me all together? You ever think that you never want kids? Well one day that will change and you will find yourself saying I want a kid that I can spoil, oh they are so cute. I think that my friends tease me when they get to see the other side of me but I am all right with that, I love to cook and all that, imagine that, me???? Are you next? Did you ever think that you would be where you are now? Have you done what you've wanted or thought you would? Have you changed and is it really all that bad? Now that you are who you are, is it what you thought or is so different that you never would have....

IMAGINED THAT....

Big Thangs

Never thought that I would be where I am today. I had scholarships for college but choose a different path. Do I regret that? No, I do think about how my life might be, but I would not change it, for the things I have been taken through have much more value to me then anything I can express. I am glad that I have met everyone I have and with that I take with me life long friends that I will always hold close to heart. I am so much more at ease with myself today compared to the day prior and more so then a few years ago. People know me for my sayings, my lovely personality (shy, loud, caring, punk...etc.), my craziness, and the total package. You can't tell me if you have been around me that you didn't take something from me, for instance a saying (specially that) you find yourself saying, booty, doggie, yo, something off the wall you know.... I always have something smart to say until I get around someone and they talk that crap that makes me turn red... You know what I'm talking about...LOL We all do big thangs everyday, in our own way. Be it doing good at work, school, practice, or just doing something that makes you happy or making that sacrifice for someone. That is doing big thangs, I have come so far and I feel I do big thangs everyday. Making people happy is my number one... I will always try to make you happy baby boy and you know that you make me happy so just keep doing you, naw mean. My friends and family I love you and would never leave you out of the big thangs that are just starting in my life. I got you regardless of anything you might have thought about me, I hold down who I am with and whoever holds me down will be with me in the end, on top.... I said it before, "Can't stop won't stop", live life to this, the day you stop, the day you admit you quit and no longer have meaning. Don't ever give up, I will never give up on you. So what Big Thangs have you done today? Then next time you do something that makes you happy, you buy something new, do something kind for someone else or made a sacrifice but it made you feel good; guess what you are doing...

BIG THANGS..........

Steady Pace....

Remember that you can make it, you just have to learn to go at a steady pace. There is so much to accomplish but you can set goals and time lines then they are all in arms reach. If we learn how to take goals and aspirations and put them into a schedule then they can be achieved. Nothing is too far out of reach if you have the will to work for it. Relationships are the same way, if you go to fast you are bound for disaster, if you move to slow then you are eventually going to lose interest in one another. If you can move at a steady pace and learn to progress together then you grow together. Never leave the other behind, communication is a key to progression and a big step forward in a relationship. Things are never going to go as planned so remember that and plan to have something go astray. When you plan for the stuff to go wrong then you are not so flustered when it does happen and you find yourself dealing with the situation, cool, calm and collective. I feel that I have grown and now I am taking any relationship I may find myself in at a steady pace. I was young before and thought I knew what I wanted just like everyone thinks they know, things, taste and peoples outlook on life change daily. I know now that what I want is real solid ground, and someone to hold me down. I know I found someone that is like that, but will be remain? No one knows the answer to that you can't change someone, you can only love them and work through their flaws and hope that they stay with you through smooth and hard times. Take a look at your life and see where you are. Can you honestly say that you are where you want to be and are you going to slow, to fast or are you going at A....

STEADY PACE......

Boo Boo

What comes to your mind when you think of this word??? Hmmmmmmmm. I know what you are thinking and to me it is not even like that. Do you remember Yogi and Boo Boo? I do and I loved that cartoon. My father used to call me his little Boo Boo. I used to be embarrassed of that nickname but now I know the meaning. I like it, it is cute and means so much more to me know then an annoying nickname. Have you ever had a nickname and you never wanted anyone to know it? There are so many of us that have nicknames that we are ashamed of, but when you think of it you should be proud of it. Words have different meanings to everyone. Boo Boo could mean something nasty but it could also mean something sweet like a cute nickname. Thanks pops, I will always be your little Boo Boo. I am so proud of my pops and my family to say the least. Think about your past growing up and remember your nicknames from, your friends and family. Think about what they mean to you now and be proud of them, I am. One question for you.... Can you be my Yogi, and me your,

BOO-BOO......

Inspiration

I have a saying that I like to say to say; "Hope comes from inspiration, inspire someone today".. This says a lot just in a few words. I try to help people and give them positive motivation. I have inspiration everyday I wake up to great friends, family, past loves, my man. You all just make it a better life for me to lead. I hope that I can be such a great inspiration to all of you and to my daughter. I love all of you very much and hope that in someone I have touched your lives for the best. Baby you have done so much for me and you will never know how much your support means to me. That is all the inspiration I need, support is a major inspiration in someone's life. To my friends, you are always there to give me support when I need it and I try to open up, you always tell me the truth be it bad or good, I appreciate that. My family, you are always there to listen and talk to me no matter what time I call you. I love you all for that. To, Will, I am glad that you put me through what you did it made me a better person. To, Q, I doubt he will ever see this, but thanks for all the pain it made me stronger and makes me want more, you gave me the will to never accept second best. How many people affect your life? Are you someone's inspiration? Be mine and I will be yours. That is all you can ask, will you be my...

INSPIRATION....

Let go....

Sometimes life deals you a hand that is not the greatest, but you have to learn how to let go. I have so many things that I have held on to for the longest and now just recently I am learning to let go. Keeping all that extra luggage is not all that healthy and you really can't progress. I am letting go, of all the painful memories but learn from them instead of carring them with me, letting go of all the wrongful doings that have been bestowed upon me by friends, family and just people in general, letting go of my mistakes and flaws that I criticise myself for everyday. That is all I have to do is let go and remember who I am. Be yourself and learn from past mishaps and all the other things that have happened be it good or bad. Remember to move forward you must remember your past but learn how to let it go....... I am comfortable with the person I am with and find it so much easier now being with him to let go of the past, all the pain that I have stored.. Thank you, you are there by e-mail, phone, you are just there and that is what I need. That's all I ask, so because of that I have learned to move on. Ask yourself this one question can you let go, start living for today and the future without all the extra luggage and pain? It is hard but to all of you that read this I challenge you to leave the past where it is, behind us, take from it what you may, but the rest has to be left behind. Can you.....

LET GO...