Peace and Happiness

That is what they say love means. Love also means pain but the pain is a relapse of issues that you have had or drama you have brought in to each others life in reality pain is one of the many virtues of human nature. I believe we can not help ourselves and we do some things without always thinking of the consequences or repercussions it may cause to our loved ones. When people cheat I don't always believe that they do it intentionally meaning to hurt the one they supposedly love. I think that this is sometimes a signal that they are not ready for the type of relationship they are in they might never be ready for a real relationship and you need to let them go regardless of how much it may hurt. If you are lucky enough to find that one that regardless of your flaws forgives and forgets and is there through thick and thin and you both are on that other level knowing that you trust each other with your lives, than you are of a lucky few. I hope that one day everyone will be able to evolve (mature) to that level where they don't cheat and are happy with the one that they are with. Don't take this out of context and think that what I am saying is to make your life bland and boring what I am saying is when you do grow up, if you ever do you will know being with that one special person is the greatest thing in the world.

I know that we only have a certain amount of time here and everyone wants to make an imprint in or a crinkle in our time line so that they may be remembered for something great. How about this, you already have to someone that loves you and all the people around you. This may not be the entire world but when it all boils down to it, it's not really going to matter in the end. Right now is what really matters so love the one you are with whole hearted and forgive and forget the small things remember if that person truly makes you happy make them happy and do everything in your power to be true and show them they really mean the world to you. I hope that all of you can find true love like I have and with that you will find.....

PEACE AND HAPPINESS

Whispers..

I know I am awake and alone but for some reason I hear your voice it is clear but low similar to a whisper soft and sweet. The sound sends chills up my spine and gives me goose bumps. For an instance I believe you are here in my presence. I can see your beautiful eyes and cute dimples. I smell you and can feel your breath on my neck. I feel the way you gently graze your hand over my arm and across my cheek. Damn I want to hold you and ask you how was your day. I close my eyes and lazily lay back to let you keep me in this somber state I have fell into. You tell me that you love the way I look at you and that you think I am sexy. I laugh and go along with the conversation that you have engaged me in. If only I could tell you the way I feel about you I know I tell you I love you but do you really know how much you mean to me? My mind is going in overdrive thinking of all the wonderful things I love about you. Happiness is what I have found and just laying here now I have realized that this is because I allowed you to get this close.

In the distance I hear music it is getting loader now...... DAMN, its my cell phone and you were never really here in the first place. For that one instant I swear I heard your.....

WHISPERS

Endurance

Do you have what it takes to go that extra mile? No I don't mean the stamina I mean the mental and physical endurance that it takes for you to go above and beyond what is expected of you? Have you trained your entire mind, body and soul to endure the most gruelling tasks? Can the person you hold dear to you depend on you in their time of need will you be able to handle or better yet endure the task at hand? Be it standing by them in their low and high points giving one hundred percent support regardless if you agree or disagree in the decisions they have made. Will you be there by their side through any sickness, cancer, HIV, mental instabilities?

I hope that all of you that are special to me know that I have what it takes to go that extra mile, yard, hour, whatever it takes to be there and show you I support you, I will do. They say you can measure ones importance by how many true friends you have and who shows to your funeral or your time of need say for instance you are in the hospital. I am not always going to be there but if I know that you are going through something I will be sure to send, call or write to ensure you know I have your back and I am here for YOU. We take for granted the things we have and what is in front of us today thinking they will be there tomorrow or next year but we need to remember the only sure time is the time we have RIGHT now. All I am asking is do you have the.....

ENDURANCE????

Time Will Tell....

Why do you always hear the older generation tell you: "don't rush, with time you will know"? So they tell us this and we think a week is a long time. Then with age comes patience so they say. Well with time do I get any good things or does this fall in the category of only time will tell. Maybe I am just too anxious and I want to know right now. What if adults didn't tell us their mistakes and we just kept messing up the same way they did? Would this life we live turn into a repetitious mass of deja-vu? It seems that with time comes wisdom but I have yet to see some of my peers grow out of their immature state of mind. Why is it that one day someone tells you they love you and the very next tell you they hate you? Why do friends never stay in contact when they promise, oh you try but it seems that they out grow you or turn into someone else?

I don't want to loose any of my friends; past, present or future. Are you going to be there when I need a shoulder to lean on or lend an ear to listen or your shirt to dry my tears? I hope that you all know that I am here for you regardless and would never do anything but support all of you in all aspects of life. Some of you are closer to me than others and others well I would do the same for you as I would my own fam. I hope that everyone takes out of life more than what's expected, because to settle for what you have is to except defeat. Be happy for what you have but strive for what you want. Remember you are the one that makes the difference in not only your life but everyone around. When you find that one true love you will know and you will do everything to keep that person happy. You never know how long you have so make the best of what you do have because only......

TIME WILL TELL.

Pain....

Why is it so easy to hurt someone or walk by a bum knowing you have the change and it only takes a split second to drop it in their cup? Are we that closed mind that we think, "if I ignore it, it will all go away"? Well the reality is that in some way or another we all cause each other pain and instead of helping heal it we proceed and make the situation worse. Did you ever stop and think that everything that you do affects someone else not just you...? I know you have heard the saying for every action there is an equal or great reaction. Correct? If you haven't now you have and this is so true.

Think of it this way, if you go out rob a bank (a little extreme but a good example) this affects you, the economy and your family. Americans in general are all too selfish and then you have the ones that act "too" self-righteous. Come on give me a break we all have flaws so don't point your finger. It all comes down to KARMA what a lovely word because the more you do the worse off you will be in the end. So do what you do and keep right on causing that...

PAIN

Holidays....

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

This is the best time of the year, so they say!!! Actually to tell you the truth I love the snow and family time and the hectic running with the sparatic spending and the constant guessing on what would be the perfect gift for everyone. Then there is that special someone for the people that are lucky enough to have met their other half. The stress in making sure what you get is perfect, but also knowing that whatever you get them will be perfect because it comes from you.

I miss the snow, here in NY it is cold but it has yet to snow. I am literally "Dreaming of a White Christmas" like Bing Crosby. I love the food and that extra warmth you get when you come home or think of old family traditions that you still want to carry on in to your own family. I miss my family and I know that they will have a great time together this holiday season I just want them to know I love you and I am thinking of you. To all of my friends I hope that you are doing well and that you are with loved ones or good friends this holiday season. Here are some pics from the parade of lights in Montana where my daughter is with my mom at least they get snow:


This is my brother and his daughter(below left) and my sister and Kiyara and my niece(below right):

















Here are some pics from the other night at Rockafeller Center:
























Me and Maria at Rockafeller Center.

What Happens???

We have come to accept that we are here but for what purpose? We do not chose the life we are given, we can only change a certain percent of the outcome but in the end we only live to die... Is this what god made us for just a short term to grow up enjoy, suffer and die? I don't have the answers and don't understand why we come to exist only to cease from existing. This to me makes no sense at all. I know that while I am here I will change and make things better for the ones I love and adore.

You baby are the one that deserves better, you have a good heart but yet you hide it. I know who you are and what you have to offer so I tell you this, "I love you". Please don't ever change just remain the open loving person I fell in love with. Behind closed doors is where you tend to be more comfortable and I see changes in you but that's ok I understand I just hope that this is a phase and it will not remain in your master plan. I hope that when I am gone I have left you something that makes you happy everyday and stability.

Kiyara, your beauty is becoming and you have a personality that draws people to you. Keep your wits and know that you have the world on a platter make of it what you may. Learn to be open and use all of your special talents to achieve all of your goals. I want to be able to supply you the opportunity to do anything you wish. When I am no longer here don't fret, I will still remain as long as you remember me.

My family I love you all dearly and hope that I have and will become something that makes you proud, but I do not wish to become forgetful of who I am, nor do I wish to become an icon. I only hope that I have made you all happy in at least one aspect of our crazy lives and that you remember everything that is good and try to forget the bad. We tend to so easily remember the bad and forget the good with out a second thought. Please for my sake reminisce on the good and learn from the bad but be weary of holding on to it.

One last thing before I let you go. When you go to sleep tonight regardless if you are religious or not say a pray or do a ceremony or what ever it is you believe in for the people that you love, will love and those you have yet to meet. The world is not an easy place to live and a lot of things have changed for the good and some for the worse but make of it what you can. When we are no longer here, does anyone out there really know.....

WHAT HAPPENS???

Confidence.....

What do we define confidence as?

Could it be simply having enough will to speak out in front of a crowd?

How about going and speaking to the one person you have always wanted to?

Getting enough courage to go against the grain?

Or do we define it as the lack of self confidence?

We usually tend to view or thrive on negativity rather than that of a positive influence. When you view someone walking down the street we are all very judgemental as to say the least. We look at what they are wearing, how they carry themselves, what they look like, how their hair is done, damn I could just keep going on and on. We already know that this is human nature to Americans, funny I go to other countries and they think we are ridiculous. Always trying to be better and status quo is the big thing in the US. I went to Europe and Asia people there are about making themselves better but they are less harsh and not so judgemental. So with all of these things against us as Americans or living in America it is easy to see why some people have self-esteem and self-confidence issues.

All I am saying is to worry less about what others think make yourself happy. I know that is a hard thing for me to say cause I usually do worry about what others think of me but I am learning to let that aspect of my life be less important. I am starting to find and build more on my self-

CONFIDENCE.

Get Your Own Voice PlayerManage

Dreamin'

Why is it, that the best things are unseen? When we fall in love you don't see it. When we cry we usually close our eyes. When we kiss and when we dream we always close our eyes...

I have always wondered if when someone kisses you and they close their eyes are they imagining or wishing that you were or are someone else? How about when we cry do we close our eyes to pretend like we are the only ones there or hurting?

The greatest thing that has happened to me is to experience love and I know that there is really not a definition to it but we all have our own explanation or definition to what love is to us. To me it is waking up to a beautiful face and gorgeous brown eyes everyday. Knowing that when I go to sleep the last person I see is the same person I see when I wake up and that if I don't wake up the last person I saw was the love of my life. Knowing that regardless of what happens we are there for each other knowing that there are ups and downs we are here for the long haul. The feeling of euphoria when ever I think of you and not knowing what is in store for us around the corner. Experiencing life with someone that sees you and knows you for you and is willing to live this life they way it was meant to be lived. The feeling I get when you touch me sends tingles up and down my spine and never getting tired of hearing you tell me, "I love you".

This is all unseen but I feel it and I know that this can not be a dream or if it is I pray to never again wake and open my eyes and find an empty bed cold sheets and a pillow with no indentation cause you never existed and never laid your head on my pillow. Please if this is what it is make sure that I just keep on....

DREAMIN'!!!!

Questions???

Have you ever had questions and no nerve? I think that we all have questions that probably will go unanswered for the rest of our lives. Either we don't have the courage to ask or hear the answer if we did ask or it just boils down to never really being the right time. We have to intervene and make time work to our advantage because if we don't we will always have those questions on the tip of our tongues or nagging us in the back of our minds.

I will put mine on here because I am taking advantage of my resources and lets see if some of my questions get answered....

What is love to you and are there guidelines?

Whose fault is it who we fall in love with?

Why do you find me attractive?

Am I as good as your previous or where do I lack where they gained?

What is the problem with the world everyone is equal, right?

Why do we hate on ethnicity, sexuality and religion?

Do you wonder how bad things will be for your kids?

I hope that you can answer some of these questions; leave me a comment or shoot me an e-mail. It all comes down to the answers due to our.....

QUESTIONS.

How far...

How far would you go to achieve your dreams?
How far would you be willing to venture to see your true love one last time?
How far is the truth from your lips?
How far is enough?
How far is the breaking point?
How far would you go to appease your true calling?
How far is the closest aspect of the real you?
How far is this life going to take you?
How far are you willing to go for your name to carry on?
How far or how long will you let your life mean nothing?
How far is not far enough.... Just tell me that you are willing to go that much

Further...

I will go as far as needs be to prove my worth, my love and my self being. For my love I want to be the one that shows you everything and anything that you lack to see and learn everything about you and with you. Remember that knowledge is only power when you share what you know and willing to learn what they know. My worth and self being I want my family and Bookie to know I am here and will prove what I mean soon enough. I will not accept second best and do not expect any of you to. We are the ones that set in stone our lives and we can only live one day at a time plan for today and not tomorrow for that day may not come. Push everything you do to the limit and go that much further, start loving the life we have now.

Life....

Can you spare the supple attitude
Or just bare me the pain
I don't need mere gratitude
To get through this life so lame
It's funny that we feel we must live a lie
To appease the very essence of mankind
No need to carry burdens of blame
Stop and think, weren't we all once shy
If you step back for one small instance
You will realize that this life is just one big contest
With all us contestants
One winner, one loser, you or me
Am I the loser because you're a college grad
Or am I the winner because for what I have I am glad
Remember how life was with childhood innocence
Now as adults we have lost our way and struggle to become someone else
Is this for us or for someone else's convenience
For now I am done
For I've become a mere stereotype
I am someone else, lost from my childhood innocence....

This is what we call


LIFE

DA Mets....

Love or hate 'em? They are back haven't had much success since their 1986 Championship.. But, hold up they are back. Don't think this is just a one season thing my Mets are back and strong we have the out field on lock and the pitching staff looks strong as well. Wait the in field is on point as well so all and all we look very promising. Hopefully when football season comes around my teams look as good (Jets and Giants, who else...? LOL).

Pedro is going thru his little hit and miss days but once he comes out of this slump damn watch out do I hear a pennant and possibly another World Series Championship?? Bobby A is doing aight so far in the Mets line up so that was a good trade. I know that I don't write on sports usually but hey I have been doing a lot of different things lately and this is one thing I love.

I have met the greatest person in the world they support me thru everything just want to say thanks I know I tell you I love you all the time but it's not even enough. Since we started dating the Mets came out of their slump of 20 years and that's wassup. :) All I can say is.....

DA METS!!!!

Gut Instinct....

Yo, why I knew that today was a shitty day? I woke up this morning and for some reason kept telling myself it's all right everything will be good just got to get up and do what you got to do. Nope, should have listened to my first intuition that was telling me not to go to my second interview cause something just didn't feel right.

So, as you can tell I am writhing this cause something grimy happened all I can say is WTF... This shit always happens when I have one of those feelings. DAMN, by now I should have learned my lesson you know. Nope trying to get whatever job is given to me at the moment and trying to do big thangs is not working out right now. I got into a car accident a block and a half from the house... Let me tell you the next time I get that feeling I am keeping my ass at the house there is a reason for the gut wrenching feeling so next time just listen to your....

GUT INSTINCT!!!

I know I will. My car is fucked, fucked, fucked, can I say it again. FUCKED! Had to get that out of my system now all I can do is wait for it to get fixed and hopefully it is quick.

Holdin' it Down....

Recently I did something totally out of character for myself.... I moved to NY to attend the Art Institute without having a job in place or anything like that. To tell you the truth I am torn up right now, my gut is telling me everything will be all right but my brain is telling me to panic. All I can do right now is attempt to keep a good head on my shoulders and see what comes of it.

I am lucky enough to have the support of loved ones and a great person that is so supportive of everything I do. I love you and I just hope that I am as good as everyone thinks I am. Without this support I would have ran back to the military a few months ago. Which to tell the truth far from where I want to be at the current time in my life.

This is a short blog today but it is what it is... Just letting people know I got someone to hold down and I appreciate them......

Holdin' it Down.

The Easy Road...

Do you know the meaning of this life?
Is there a reason we are here to suffer?
Can someone answer me these questions?
Do I speak to myself or do you hear me when I ask for a favor?
I need help that is all I'm asking is for a little compassion and someone to listen to me...?
Can you help me along this path and together we will make it thru anything?Pain and sorrow is what we encounter daily and I want to help you see the other side...
Come over to the side where I have nothing but love for you and that is what you deserve.
Is this something that is too hard to fanthom that someone really wants to be selfless and do for you.
No self benefit no stature of gaining an ego nothing but to give to you the reality of what love is..
Don't shy away and don't try to hide your feelings I understand that you've been hurt before but I am not them and I will never do that to you.
I want to show you that all people are not the same and that love is pure when I say I love you this is not a pick up line
But actual fact and I would not use this to my advantage.
So my hand is out will you take it and join me along the way thru this crazy life?I have one thing left to say....

We've only just begun you cannot even begin to imagine what is left in store for you, no heartache, no pain, just love there is ups and downs but you make it no one said love was...

THE EASY ROAD!!!

Too Short...

Why is that people have to always past judgment on everyone that actually goes out there and enjoys life? How long do you really have here? You only have right now and I know you've heard that tomorrow is not guaranteed...!! Come on now, live and let live is what it should be you live the way you want and let everyone else do them... I know you hear me say, "Do you and I'm a do me" live by this and you will do fine.

The problem occurs when you start making it a point to ruin others lives due to the fact you are too scared to live your own life. So I got out of the Army and did what I told everyone I would I opened a successful Cafe' now I am about to do bigger and better things. That was nothing but a small speed bump and I have the support from family and loved ones to do what I have always wanted to do.

Without you I don't know if I could have really made the decision but I love you, the three women that are the closest my heart. I will show you how good things are going to get. So if you can bare with me I will prove this time worthy and that we have nothing to worry about because prosperity is on the verge. I know that we will be happy and that we will live life they way it was meant to be.

So if you find yourself thinking day to day this is not where I thought I would be and this is not making me happy. You need to get up make a change cause only you have the control to change the outcome in your life. Sure there are a few special people out there that contribute to help you out. You have but one life and let me tell you it is....

TOO SHORT!!!

Plain and Simple, TRUTH....

I never thought that I would find something so pure, untainted and true until I found LOVE... I know you are thinking, did Boogie just say Love??? Let me tell you that this is something I never thought I would find personally.

I found the one person I thought to say the least make believe. You have opened a door that until now was assumed non existent to me. It was so hard for me to say "I love you" but once I did my life changed. I now believe in true love and that there is someone for everyone.

You do so much for me without even knowing it. Me, the person whose demeanor is portrayed as strong willed and a hard exterior, is able to show someone without hesitation the true me. I have no issues with my flaws or imperfections when in your presence. Your brown eyes melt very existence and I feel like a little kid again. I want you to teach me something new all the time as do I for you and together we grow in our relationship. Thank you for everything, I love you and we have so much more to look forward to.

I wrote this to let people know that yes I am soft hearted but it's not a weakness. All I want to do is show you the.....

Plain and Simple, TRUTH....

Some Advice...

If I give you some advice
Then it wouldn't be worth livin' this half-crazy life
So don't stnad in one place for too long
Before you know it, you will be so gone
So keep on doing you and you'll end up replaced
I've had ample opportunities to fill your space
If you ask your mom she will tell you how much you're a disgrace
She tell you air is free
But everyone pays a price for life
She doesn't understand why you can't leave it be
She doesn't want your life to end trife
She wants you to be married so she can meet your wife
Now the choice is yours, how will you lead your life
We all have choices wrong and right
Keep tryin' and never give up your fight
Before you know it you will be so damn tight
Peaple never forget the wrong but we hope they remember the right
Take it from me, Some Advice
And remember, I never repeat myself TWICE,

Just some ADVICE....

Yo, this is something I wrote when I was stationed at Ft. Lewis... Hope that you like it.

Roll Call....

We about to do a Roll Call.... Yo, If you know me shout it out.. Holla at ya Girl.. This is a lil off key for me especially for this page since I be writting all real shit.. Well I consider this to be real as well. Let me know what's good with ya? Yo, if you one that reads this and know me but has no time to hit me up just hit me on here and let me know what the deal!!! Just something fun to do and out of the ordinary for me.... HOLLA

So it's time to do.....


ROLL CALL....

Opportunity Knocks

Recently, I have had an opportunity arise, and I am hesitant to take it up. I know if I don't take this, the opportunity may just slip away and never present itself again for me. I caught myself thinking should I just take the risk and go out there on a limb and regardless what happens know that I tried? I am fastidious when it comes to trying a lot of things specially if I know the possible consequences and repercussion's. But, if I don't do this I would be very unhappy and probably regret it in the future. Should I stay where I am and do what I do best and make everyone else happy or should I do me. The hardest things in life is realizing who you are and when an opportunity presents itself for you to do you, is knowing that you can take it. Now it is decision time and I am all about taking up this opportunity because due to the multitude of it I will be doing big things later on. So when one of these situations arise for you are you going to stand there or are you going to answer the door because...

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS.....

"I don't walk on water, I am no where near perfect nor am I trying to become perfect but I would like to achieve the status that is close to admirable. " (ME)

Yo, an opportunity can be anything, it can be a business opp, a relationship, change in financial stature, so many things and we have them happen to us all the time. The thing is we need to pay closer attention and grab hold and ride out the opportunity. Even if you are the one that is somewhat the planned out to the minute anal retentive type.

Take Advantage

Hold up, I know what you are probably thinking just off the title of this one... What the hell is she talking about take advantage? Well let me enlighten you. I have been so lucky to meet the people I have in the military and in my travels due to the military to take some life changing things with me from those experiences. I have had so many people there for me in times of well to say the least I felt lost, they helped guide me on to the right path again. I am glad that I have you as my friends to tell the truth you are my family. I consider a true friend family at all costs I am here for you as you are for me. I want to take a little time to say congratulations to my big brother Smoke Dogg, you came along way and I am happy that you and your wife have been blessed with a little P coming into the world. Keep me posted on that and remember you are the one that educates your child first, so take advantage. To my little sister K-Points, you have the world handed to you, go represent the US in Australia and play your hardest. This is just an opportunity for you to take advantage. My other little sister Babs, you need to pursue your love for snowboarding and take on all the sponsors that keep knocking on your door, how many people get that everyday? Not too many so please use it and go ahead take advantage. Dr. Love (Laura), you have yet to experience the military to it's full capability and if you decide to get out that is great you will do wonderful out here. If not use all the resources that the military provides and take advantage. Giggles, Juicy Gurl (Cara), Jenn, Bongo, Q.P., D, and all the rest of my friends, you all have so much opportunity and life is just beginning so take everything you can from it there is only one so go ahead and take advantage. My mom and the rest of my family, thank you for the support on my transition and you all have the ability to do anything you want so use everything you can and take advantage.

I hope that you all are in the best of health and remember that anything that is given to us is nothing that we can not overcome. I hope that you all take this as me pushing you on the right path like all of you have done for me, so it's ok to go out there and....

TAKE ADVANTAGE

True Friend

Are you someone I can turn to and tell my most intimate secrets for you to keep
I'm real and I need to know I can trust you, or please tell me if this is too deep
A true friend is someone you can depend on through good, bad, thick or thin times
There is no such thing as going to far or drawing lines
It takes time, effort, support and willingness to understand
Every situation that is at hand
Do you have what it takes to stand in there in a time of heat
Or will you stand back and just let me take the fall alone and bare this burden as defeat
A true friend has nothing but good intentions when dealing with you
I can't say that most people we meet, are even real to say the least remotely true
Will you keep in touch with me no matter how hard it seems just a note, a call a card
Every time you get a message from me does it make your day easier when before it seemed so hard
Can I confide in you like I know you can me with no hesitations
This is me feeling confident in sharing my dreams and aspirations
I need to know that you are someone that I can cry in front of without being ridiculed
Don't take advantage of them or miss use them 'cause quite frankly that means you are confused

I am your true friend indeed and have no quarms telling you are going through anything with you it's all love in the end I am still here for you. Being what you need, a.....

TRUE FRIEND

Success....

How do you meassure your own success or for that fact someone elses? Do you meassure it by the car, house, clothes and amount of money made? Or is it something else, family values, doing good deeds that go unoticed, being self-righteous? This is strictly you telling me what you think would make you successful in your own eyes no one else's, they really don't matter in the end, RIGHT?

I will let you know what makes me a success and that is the people around me, friends, fam, my kid, just that and I wake up everyday going out and doing the best that I can. So now it's your turn holla at me with your version... ONE

For real only one person has the power to meassure your....

SUCCESS

Keep Hustlin'!!!

Hey it's been a minute since my last one, but I promise that I will not disappoint you anymore... I am just on the grind doing my thing, trying to keep my head above water.. One thing is for sure that, civilian life is so much better I wouldn't say all that much easier, but BETTER....! First, let me ask this, what is really good with the damn gas prices, huh... Fluctuating asses... yo, that is not even funny. LG, or should I call you Dr. Love, that's your new nickname, what's good ma? Yo, I know you bout out of Korea but keep me posted we have to get Kiyara's stuff done... Turtle, thanks for coming out and seeing me yo, I appreciate that and it was good to see you. Yo, all my peeps, juicy gurl, caca head, all the bootyheads out there, I got more knowledge coming at you soon... I see ya, keep holdin me down.. Get at me soon... This is real love that's comin' straight from my View 2 You... So just remember to.....

KEEP HUSTLIN' !!!!

Shake 'Em Off....

Funny thing is that regardless of what you do someone is always there to hold you back, tell you that you're not good enough and ridiculing every move that you make. Funny thing is you can be doing your best be peaked at your full potential, but that is not good enough for the haters. All I can say is that a song comes to mind and it goes: "they smile in your face, while all the time they want to take your place.....Backstabbers." Yo, if this blog is rude or you have nothing better to do but ridicule it or think that you know someone so you judge writtings hey it's your world, I'm just a squirel.. It's all good this page is for anyone to read, post a comment but tread softly cause the fingers you point three are pointing back at you. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself is what you are doing yesterday, today or tomorrow where you thought you would be? Probably not, funny thing is your life didn't amount to ..... well you can figure that one out, so stop trying to drag others down. Yo, on another note I would like to tell my friends (my true friends) that I got nothin' but love for ya... The few of you that are close to me and really do know me keep your heads up and remember to..... Shake 'Em Off...... Just remember that Haters are all around us to just shake 'em off and keep doing you I am here for my friends, family and just so you know I am here.... Hate on haters, we going to do us....

Say it Isn't So....

The world seems to be in turmoil right now... What's really going on? I watch the news and fear for my daughter's future to see that the world is turning into chaos either by nature or by peoples beliefs being a conflict with one another. If you look at our past it is crazy that all wars in some way had to do with religion and now they are still that way. When will we as Americans realize to keep our noses out of everyone else's plate and just take care of home? It is sad when you walk down the streets and see all these homeless people and majority of them are Vets, we can serve our country in a time of crisis but come home and amount to nothing. Is that what Americans do is consider Vets worthless? Ignorance is all around us everyday you hear someone say they hate the military and everything that it stands for and they spit on troops or protest against them. What they don't realize is that they have no choice but to do what the commander in chief has told them to do. Soldiers might not like it, but it's a way of life and when you sign and raise that right hand you swear to protect our rights against all foreign and domestic. So the next time you see a vet on the side of the street that is homeless thank him or her I am not telling you to pay them but remember that they made the ultimate sacrifice for out country. I just hope that my daughter never has to see the world turn to chaos due to poor or greedy leadership and that our troops don't suffer anymore than they already have. The family's and loved ones left behind have my utmost respect. So think of this and if you see something that looks wrong think or say out loud.....

Say it Isn't So......

Dedicated to my friends, family and fellow members of the Armed Forces and anyone this touches. Keep doing it BIG. Holla. ONE

Big Moves

In life we all make decisions that we are not to sure about but we do it because we get bored and we are unhappy with our current situation. I know that I have one of the best friends in the world the funny thing is that I never thought that I would get close to a friend again the way that best friends do. I lost my best friend that I grew up with a couple weeks prior to Kiyara being born, he was shot at close range in the heart. That took a big toll on me and I just tried to close myself off from everyone. I get close but never too close to my friends but recently I became close and made a best friend that I am glad helped me realize that everyone needs someone to talk to. The funny thing is now that I am making moves I am happy and I know now that the Army is not a safe haven nor a shoulder to lean on in unstable situations. It is something that works you and lets you know that you are expandable so there should be no issue letting go since they throw us out the door with a swift kick and say good luck. So I ask you this, working for a company as impersonal as the military is do you think that I would take a look back over my shoulder, stutter step or even hesitate to think for an instance that I messed up and need to go back. NOT ON DUTY.... It is greener on the other side and I am here for you regardless of anything that happens remember that the ones that show you they really care and are genuine to you will show that they mean what they say. Hope that one day eveyone can make do it big and have friends that support you through all the good and bad times. It is hard to go out and just make....

Big Moves.

G, thank you for all you have done for me and making me realize that what my number one is. Thank you again ma and keep doing you and know that I am always here for you my fam is my heart and you are my fam. ONE LOVE ma... You know how soft I am, I love you ma and so does Bookie.

Choosing a New Direction...

I am at a point in my life where I need to choose a new direction in life. I am at the point of weighing out all my options, I either stay in the military (re-up) or I get out and venture on to a road less traveled. I am thinking about going out and doing it up as far as going and trying new things going out to make a real family not saying that the friends I have made in my military venture are not family but one of my own. My daughter deserves better than what the military is offering no amount of money or gifts can make up for the time lost during my military tour. I am looking into Boston at the time, I think that would be a great place to settle down and just have a family.

I know that this is a hard decision and one that will have to be thought out in depth and in time I will have to decide where and what I will do. I think that if and when I decide to break away from the Army that this will be an enormous relief, I will always remember the great experiences I've had and all of the friends I have made. But everyone knows that you come to a point in your life where you have a fork in your road you take the paved road or the dirt road that is not on the map. No real direction, nothing is written or for sure, no real security and it is not always the safest but you know it possibly is the correct route. I am ready for that step and so I have safely decided that these next 2 years I will be planning out my time and looking for a job and all that good stuff for after military life. When my friends or whoever comes to this point in their life, I will be here to support you in whatever aspects you need me to. This is scary but I have to start now by.....

CHOOSING A NEW DIRECTION.......

Half Step....

What I have been around and the experiences I have had through out my lifetime, have made me realize that if I half step then my life is worthless and I am done. You half step in the hood you get your life took. You half step in the military you loose your value, respect, dignity, possibly rank, money or more. Keep doing it up out there fam and peeps that have done it up for me and kept me on top of my game. That made me keep the beat of my drum real and make sure to correct myself if I was half steppin'. There are so many people out there that never really understand their real reason to be here, well I might not be here to give you the answers but for real I can help you and give you the advice I know from my experiences and that is all it is.

Grains of salt are all around us but real friends are here until the end, they don't care about your imperfections they accept you for you and if you half step they help you catch up. I have some good friends that hold me down and I got them in the same respect. If you too good to be around other people and listen to realism and true facts then you can move on, but don't get caught half steppin' around me because I will take your damn cookies. That is a cliche' huh and can you figure it out? Nope, probably not but I am here to tell you I am glad I was born in the life that I was without a silver, gold or even bronze spoon in my mouth, plastic worked fine for me.

I have figured this much, if you were born with it all you half step and end up having some damn issues in life and I see it everyday not being competent enough to make decisions, no street savvy and no real life experiences. Then have the ignorance to come out and say that they have some from the military. Not on duty, yo ma or pa keep it gully and remember that you have nothing on most and can learn something from everyone. Just remember that life throws us challenges to see if we will give up and.....

HALF STEP......

On TOP......

My game, yes I can say that I am on top of my game. Do you know what it means to be "on top"? I don't think that most people view this as I do but yo, that's why this is my blog and you are reading it, why? Hmmmm, that is one question you need to ask yourself why you keep coming back to read the words of this page.... Is it because I am on top of my game?

I must be up on something because I write and it is so easy to be me and it is so hard for so many to be just what they are, YOU. Being yourself means that you are on top of your game, is this a hard task at hand? Yes, to some it is, but you need not fear for there are always strong support systems in place to help you succeed at being the best you can. I know that I will be here for anyone one of my friends, family, or just associates. Remember that you are never alone out there sometimes you may feel that you are or run into bad luck more often than never but you can still come out on top.

I may be a little rough around the edges sometimes, say things that I don't always mean but everyone is like that from time to time. Life deals you hands that are unexpected it is how you come out of the situation, which determines whether you are staying on top of your game or not. Things are not all pretty and peachy all the time I know I never really had all the good things in life, glad that I have been able to have all the grimy situations dealt to me it kept me on top of my game. I will always keep improving my imperfections and trying to make the best of any situation in which I find myself. This helps me keep my game up and remain...

ON TOP......

I write for myself and for anyone who wants to read it. This is for my friends and fam and anyone else, this is my knowledge to you. That is why my page is called My View 2 You.... DAMN, some people need to step up and gain some self respect remember that all people have their own perceptions and this is your reality we may not always see eye to eye but work with it. Make small sacrifices and don't ridicule what others do, just do you! Just another way that you can keep your game, ON TOP....

Misinterpretation

Damn, I already wrote one called "Clarify" and if you really knew me then you wouldn't leave comments that talk out of your fourth point of contact. Funny how people are quick to make a judgment like I said before, prior to knowing someone. I have nothing to prove to anyone and if you really know me than you would know that I am never afraid to be up front and blunt with the people around me. I don't bite my tongue for anyone and I will not start I will always be real and this is funny to me that whoever you are was not real enough to put their name on their comment...???? If I think it is who I think, than here is to you, keep writing other peoples words and feel good about not being real, but be hesitant about what and how you judge others. You are as fake as they come, might have a lil game play with the words but other than that your legs to damn weak to support your total bull sh*@. If I knew for sure who you were or if you e-mail me because everyone knows my e-mail; educatedthug4u78@yahoo.com go ahead and grow some let me know who you are and I will let you know the real me.... Are you scared or maybe now I flipped the script on you and made you think about going and looking in your own mirror???? I know that you read that one, how about this, I am done no more to say but keep it real and look at yourself prior to judging.

How is it plain and simple in black and white the words we read are all so easily misinterpreted? It might be due to blindness, or shear hate for someone or something people envy what they want to be like and hate what that don't know or don't understand. Hate is nothing more than a cover up for fear. I will leave you with my quote, "Hate is a form of miseducation, to accept this is a form of ignorance, strive for excellence." (me)

So in closing you can hate me now, but I won't stop now, NEVER!!!! So try to get right and remember that this is all a fabrication of your mind and it is one big......

MISINTERPRETATION......

SIMPLY PUT....

The life I choose to lead it not always the way that I want nor is yours the way you probably want yours. Have you ever sat back with some time on your hands and thought, what the hell am I doing here? I know that most people do this at some point in their life, but when you do reach this aspect in your life sit and reflect on all the good things that have come from the life you have already led. Have you ever met someone and then they leave from your life and you never see or hear from them again? I know that myself being in the military I have met a lot of people like this and I wish I could still talk to them, you know just ask them how they are doing, what they have been doing since the last time I saw them. The friends we make and lose are always a keep sake part of our lives.

Remember that you can't always walk away from every problem that occurs. We have to take a deep breath and say I can do this, stand up no matter what the consequences may be and bite the bullet. Leaving issues unresolved now will catch up with you later on in life. Be it the life that you were meant to lead, the one you choose, or just the life that you never wanted, it is our lives and we can try to change them or be content in all aspects of life and live this one out to the fullest. I know that if I don't like something about myself I try my best to change it, I didn't like drinking so I quit, I am going to the gym for my personal satisfaction not anyone else's. Just do it for you, not because you think that you have to impress someone else. Only you have the final decision in the life you lead, we maybe there to help, guide, or give assistance to you along the way but the change and will comes from you. Do you have what it takes to go out on a limb and live the life that you have always wanted?

Life is just to complicated to be.....

SIMPLY PUT.....

Just Blaze.....

First off I want to come out and say this is not what you think it is... One thing I have learned in my day is never burn bridges, because you never know if you will have to cross that bridge again. Now I am here to tell you, you have one life to live so do you. Why worry about tomorrow or yesterday when there is today? The funny thing is that we are what society wants us to be, we never really go out there and do what we want. We are molded from birth to be an ample part of society. Funny you probably never looked at this way.

I am here just to tell you my views if you see it as knowledge take it and pass it on cause knowledge is nothing to anyone if no knows you are brilliant. Right? I have so many people around me everyday and I want to ask them what they did today, just because I know that is really not what "they" wanted to??? Not too many people will say man, I love my job, or just say they did what their one true desire in life is. So the next time you think of all these things think how happy you are at the moment. If you are not happy in your present situation then only you can change it and make it to what you want it to be.

In closing I want you to think of this quote that means a lot to me. "Happiness makes up in height, what it lacks in length." (Robert Frost)

So go out there and live your life and in my words....

JUST BLAZE!!!!!

Sunny Days....

You know that song "Sunny Days" the theme song to Sesame Street? I know you know so stop playng like you all too good for that show, it was the shit in the day. I love Ernie and Cookie Monster was my favorite. But anyway, on the subject Sunny Days, I have so many good memories. Lately like, going out with my friend Edith and her boyfriend (PJ). You know we all had a ball at the amusement park (Seoul Land), we have fun everytime we hang out. We are always acting like little kids and I like to do that to break away from the professionalism that I deal with in the military every day. I have good memories of playing with my daughter, my little number one stunner she is a bright shinning start and I hope that she never dims, with age. We all lose some of our shine with age if you let it go.

I have memories with so many of my friends, cousins, family, you know... I wish that I still had all the pictures but I still know I have all the memories. I miss all my friends that I have made along the way. I know that there are more Sunny Days to come and I will always have them to look back on you know. High School, just growing up in general, Basic, AIT, Ft. Benning, Germany, Ft. Lewis, Ft. Sam and now Korea... There are so many people I would like to name and say that yes we had Sunny Days together. I miss all of you and can't wait to see you again or even hear from you again. Remember there are always more Sunny Days even in your worst stormy days. Keep the memories of all your....

SUNNY DAYS.....

I know that this was not really like me on this one but you know I had to go out on a limb and do a lil something different. Here are some pics of me and some of my sunny days and the people that contribute. I miss my friends. Love all of you...

Clarify

Yo, first off let me, let you know that when I write it is really the way I think and what's on my mind at the time. Don't get it twisted with me writing to a certain someone because you would just make a fool out of yourself. The funny thing the more I write the better I feel so it just releases everything, past, present and future. You feel me on this? I have read some comments from people, be them friends or friends of friends and they think that I am writing about someone that I am with now or at the time of the blog... NO, that is incorrect it was just something that I had on my mind maybe for a long time and I was trying to get it off my chest. We all have burdens that weigh us down. Just remember that this is my release.

I am happy at the time with who I am and if I am with someone you will know soon enough.. LOL Keep it real and make sure you keep everyone thinking they know you. There are three people in all of us, the one we know, the one our friends know and the one that other people think they know. So who are we really? Just something to think about. I will close this and just so you know this is just to let you know about me and my writings it is just.....

CLARIFICATION....

Why me....

Is that conceded to ask this? For real everyone wants to know, why me...? You know how it goes and I want to know, why me? I want to know why my kindness is taken for weakness? Why is my ability to be civil taken as someone that is a walk over? Can you tell me why I am mild tempered and accept so much shit from friends but once pissed off, piss everyone else off? Why is it easy to hear someone say I love you, but hard for me to say it? Probably due to the fact that, I am not out here trying to lead anyone on, I am here to be truthful and blunt. I have to keep it real for myself and for everyone that is around me. Why is it so easy for people to lie, yet it is almost impossible for me to. Why do I have a conscience and it seems the rest of the world has yet to find theirs? Why is it so hard for me to find someone and stay happy with them.?

This is just a few things that I wanted to put out there. I hope that you can compare and think that maybe these are some of the questions that you ask yourself sometimes. Get at me and let me know what you think about this one? So can anyone tell me....

WHY ME...???

Breaking Point....

Look at life like a challenge, a test, to see how far everyone can push you to your breaking point. I am not going to meet my breaking point for a long time I am hoping. I live life to the fullest, some say too blessed to be stressed, I say YA RIGHT. Feel me on this, stress is a natural part of life there is negative stress and positive stress. We need stress to live a healthy lifestyle. So next time you here that, stupid saying that some body with nothing but time on their hands made up, tell them I beg to differ. I know that many people meet their breaking point early in life and others live life all out and and meet their breaking point late in life. How much can you take of someone always picking at you? Do you know when enough is really enough? Can you tell me if you know your....

BREAKING POINT????

Mirror

Sometimes I sit back and look at my life as through a mirror. I see all of my choices reflecting back to me and how they changed my life be them good and bad. Our life is a reflection of all of our past decisions. Sometimes we have to take the time and look out of the course of our lives and wonder how or why we did some of the things that we did? I have recently looked in to my life and realized that damn, what the hell was I thinking do that?? I can look in the mirror and see how I have changed and grown through my own personal life's decisions.

Have you ever looked at someone and said, "Damn, they have had a rough life"??? I know that I have and it is funny because we don't know what they see when they look in their mirror, but we know what reflection their mirror is showing us. All of us are just a reflection that our own mirror wants everyone to see us as.... Funny you can look at the Fairy Tale Snow White and see that the mirror, mirror on the wall saw Snow White as the fairest of all, but the evil queen wanted to be the one. Her mirror new that she was grimy and let her know that there was someone out there that looked better.

Don't get it bent though. Looks are far from everything, they are what people see at first and if you are really shallow then that is all you want, a trophy to say the least. If you want a companion, a lover and an understander...(I know I made it up LOL, it sounds good though) then you need to look into their mirror and see what's really good. Like people say and I know for a fact, trial and error, you can have the finest person but once you get to know them they turn ugly. Maybe you don't have the prettiest looking person, but once you get to know them their reflection changes and you find that you have someone very attractive.

What do you see when you look at me? But most important do you like what you see when you look at your personal reflection in your own......

MIRROR......

Who Are You to Judge Me?????

Who are you to judge me or anyone for that matter
Who are you to judge me due to the color of my skin
Who are you to judge me for the company I keep
Who are you to judge me by the way I carry myself
Who are you to judge me for the way I talk or act
Who are you to judge me due to minor imperfections
Who are you to judge me for my pass mishaps
Who are you to judge me due to whom I am related
Who are you to judge me due to my beliefs
Who are you to judge me by the way I dress
Who are you to judge me for minor faults that I might
not know that I have
Who are you to judge me by the amount of money
I have or don't

I could go on forever on this subject... But I know that you are no one for only God can judge me now... If I mess up today, I pay for it tomorrow. If I see fit to be wrong during this life, I shall be judged and punished for that in my next life. So as I end this let me just ask you this....

WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME....?

Funny thing is we all judge people for one or more of the things listed above and find ourselves acting as if we are better than the next. We are not, we are made with imperfections and good and bad qualities that is what makes this place so special, everyone is not the same. Can you answer the question I have put forth today in this blog???

you know

Only God can judge me
Therefore I dont care what you think say or even heard about me
Who is you to judge me anyway
You arent the all mighty so it really doesnt matter what you say
You can faze me hate me for who I am
Im a natural born hustla and I am what I am
Trust me if I cared about the way you thought of me
Then it would honesty suck like any other injury
If we cool then we cool
Never hate on me never act a fool
Trust me my bullsh#t tolerance level is real low
If you a chick then know this Im all about my doughI have too many other things in mind than sit and try to figure you out.
I made that mistake when I never should have been in doubt
For all you Kat's that think you know P
You better take another look cause thorough bred is about cheese
I don't have time to hang out and chill
Every move I make is calculated like craftsman's steel
There's only a few things that I put before my life
Other than them the rest is out of my life.
So if you don't know me and you trying to get to know me
Here's a tip come correct or leave.
I'M ONE OF THE REALEST SIMPLY PUT!


YOU KNOW

Can you stand the RAIN????

This is a question to everyone in any type of relationship....
The meaning is hid in the words.

If you know the meaning or think you understand it
Let me know if you can stand it?
Who knows, you may think you can
But in the end you are just a lost and helpless lamb.

With the rain comes heartache and pain
That's ok because it's better than the shame
You feel when you are broken apart and lost in the dark
Funny thing is you're never that far apart

From the love of your life
It may seem like this life is a bit trife
At times you seem to think that I have given up
But think about life as a half full cup

Afforded the opportunity to be with me
Would you take it or just leave me lonely
I thought that we would make it through anything
But when times are hard you give up on the simple things

This time is for you to reflect and think
Not for me to help you swim or sink
I will be here no matter how bad I am hurting
But do you think that you can bare this burden?

I know that I can make it through the rain...
Just on more thing......

CAN YOU STAND THE RAIN??????

Tension....

This word is small yet you know the meaning. You feel its presence. You know the importance of the words, break the tension and relieve some tension. Everyday you deal with tension or stress, but there is always sometime of tension in the air. You go to work and there is someone there that just doesn't click right with the rest of the group, this is the tension that you have to deal with. The uneasy feelings, emotions and thickness in the air. How do you relieve, break or ease the tension in your life?

I am one that is known for always smiling and being per say a smart ass... But there is tension in my life as well. I just try not to let it show and I don't bring it to work, there is work tension and personal tension. My personal tension is just what it says personal so I leave that at home to be dealt with personally, by me...

If you ever feel that the tension is too much and you don't know where to turn, go release some by talking to a good friend, I am always here for anyone. Read, write, draw, listen or make music, whatever your hobby is do this to calm your nerves. Sometimes, the person making the tension doesn't know that they are and you need to just talk it out with them, majority of the time they will be willing to work it out with you.

Some things in life are just not meant to be known to other people. My tension in my personal life is one... You thought I was really going to release some tension on here? Are you crazy? There is always another time to just let go and ease the......

TENSION.......

Smoke Dogg....

What can I say I knew a great person, one that I admired and looked to amongst this problematical world. I try to figure out why I was given the opportunity to meet and become so close to a person of this stature?? Maybe, I was afforded the chance due to some of the trials and tribulations that I have encountered in my life? No, I think that I met this great person due to all the pain that we have both been through in our short lives here. How can it be that the world is so large and yet two people of the same caliber meet and end up looking out and helping one another. If I knew better I have met you before...

I know that you were the one that I went to in times of need and in times of confusion and disarray and I appreciate all of that. Thank you, so very much you will never know what impact you had on me. I will never forget the day I met you and the day that I to tell you goodbye for now, my brother. For I will always consider you family no matter where we find ourselves in journey through the rest of our lives. I will be here for you as I know that you will always be there for me. I just want you to know that I love you and miss you so much. Your companionship is greatly missed and will never be forgotten.

This is for a great person and an even greater brother.... Forever my life.....

SMOKE DOGG.....

THIS TIME......

This time, I will forgive
This time, I will let you come back and start over
This time, I will talk to you before you walk out of my life
This time, I might be the soft and understanding of the
two and try to work it out
This time, I will be the more passive of the two and give in
This time, I will be nurturing and sensitive to your needs
This time, I will try to understand what I did wrong and
how I can fix it
This time, I will apologize for the whatever it was that
went wrong
This time, I am going to work it out and keep us strong

This time, I have come to realize that I am the one every time making the sacrifice to fix what we have as a team done wrong. When is it going to be your turn to tell me this time???? Let us try this one on for size; we work on this thing together??? Maybe, just next time there won't be a.....

THIS TIME.....

I hope that you liked this one I know that it has been more than a minute since I posted on here but I have been busy... Sorry to whom ever reads these on the regular. I know that in everyone's life there is a this time... Just leave me a message and let me know what's good..

Liquid

Liquid, you might wonder why I chose this word for this blog but to tell the truth it is perfect. How did we come about? We were in a form of a liquid, we formed in a womb full of liquid and we are all full of liquid, water, blood and whatever else makes us up. How do we cleanse ourselves from a hard days work, pain, sorrow, grievances, anything that burdens us? We usually use some form of liquid, be it a hot or cold shower, to soothe us from the pain we are barring. Maybe, just maybe we are the type that run to a bottle of liquor? How about the ones that cry are these not all a form of liquid and a form of cleansing ourselves? You ever here the phrase liquid dreams, you ever wonder what it really meant? Most of you know that is a term that people on drugs use. They don't necessarily mean you have this from drug use. You can have these at anytime they just don't seem to make any sense. This is not about being wrong or taking the correct actions to clear your personal burdens it is just a note to say that we choose A......

LIQUID....

Temptation....

I know that life is one big temptation, but why do we really need these? Human nature, that is we have things that we can not resist no matter what people say. Chocolate, certain fruits, sweets in general, you know just a few things to generalize on. But some peoples temptations run deeper than the simple things. Some peoples temptations can be the opposite sex, drugs, you know the things that are not all sugar and spice. When it comes down to it, what are your temptations, and will you be honest and admit all of them. For real if you know what your temptation is, try to master it, by not letting it get the best of you. All temptation is not bad, but at the same time not all is good, you have to look at the fence from both sides, just because one side is pretty and neat the other side might be all tore up and ready to hurt you. Remember, to love all things equal and to never prejudge just weigh your options, that is the best way to look at temptation, as an option and is it really what you want. Is your temptation worth all the effort and energy that you put forth to get it? For everyone that reads these I am so sorry that it has been a minute since I put a new one on here and I hope that this was worth the wait. I enjoy all of your comments so keep it real and leave one... In closing......

Am I your temptation, or are you mine? Would you tell me or do you know if you are mine? Only time will tell if one of these is true and remember that life is one big.....

TEMPTATION......

Sister

What is a sister to you? To me it is to have someone that knows everything about you, all your hidden agendas, flaws, and strengths, and loves you for who you are. Is this someone that is only related to you? No, we all have sisters, good (real) friends, the ones that take time out for you. I have so many sisters, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for being you. I want to tell my blood sisters Babs, and Kool Points, that without you I don't know what I would do. I love you two and would never want anyone else. You inspire me to be the person I am and trying to be, for that I thank you. All my sisters out there, that have always been there for me through the good, bad and ugly, you already know... Elise, thank you for always telling me not to be scared it is all right to have fun and there are better things out there for me. Sonya, you are like my mom more than a sister but you still are my older sister, I love you for the harsh and sternness in your voice when you would get mad at me for messing up and for showing concern when I didn't think it mattered. Shami, you are the best you showed me to stand up for myself and we grew together you always have a place to lay your head if you are coming through my neighborhood. Cara and Edith, damn the shit that we have been through, will never be forgotten, I want you to know that Korea is a life changing experience, we have grown so much here and I can't wait to see what else is in store for us. Jen, you are a great lil sister, keep growing and remember that we have come a long way don't go backwards now, always look at the green side of the grass. Michelle, you really are my mom you always make me do this and that and thank you, thank you, thank you, I know that you are always doing this to look out for my well being. To all of you we learn from each other everyday, there are more people to add but not enough time, I love you all and if you are not here in this blog you will make one, so don't give up on that. Who are your sisters and what do they mean to you? I don't know what I would do without a......

SISTER......

RISKS.....

Do you take risks? I think that we all do to an extent. These are some things that are risks that I put in perspective for you that we do everyday without thinking....

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To cry or weep is to risk being sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings or emotions is to risk rejection
To present your dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To push forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to
risk failure

But we must take risks cause our greatest risk in life is
to not risk at all. The person that risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing... You may avoid
suffering and sorrows, but you will never learn, feel or
be content in life without taking risks. These are life's
pleasures. The next time you want to be self- conscious
or timid remember that no one matters but you and the ones
that are your friends and loved ones. The rest who cares
what they think. You can hate me now, because hate is a
waste of energy, if you hate someone for the risk they took
then you are unhappy. Remember, that when you hate a
person, they either don't know or don't care so you alone
are hating. Keep moving forward and remember to live
life and the only way to truly do this is to take.....

RISKS.....

Sacrifices.....

Sometimes we do things to make other people happy knowing that it is nothing that we won't to do, sacrifices... This is what I do everyday in the Army I am away from my Bookie and I make that sacrifice to keep her happy all though I know that she would rather have me with her. I know that in the past I have spoke on not knowing me, well some sacrifices I have made is losing myself to be someone I thought people wanted me to be. I have come to realize that I don't like this new me, I want to just be me again and I am making some steps right now in the right direction that are big sacrifices. I have acted out to push people away some may have thought that I was mad, but I was doing this to push them away and it worked. I never meant to hurt anyone, I had to do it. My mother made sacrifices for me I know that she didn't want the life that she has had but we end up that way due to the position in which we find ourselves. I hope that when you make sacrifices that you don't hurt anyone in the process like I have. I just want them to know that I am slowly becoming the person that everyone loved and respected before and I want you to know that I love you as well. Remember, that I am here regardless, if I act out of character it is not you it is my pushing you out of my life, I don't like people to get close and that is my down fall. Let me have time to heal I never gave myself that time and now I am. Bare with me, for I would do it for you. This is a sacrifice I ask of you if you are a true friend and you love me all my friends, just make this sacrifice for me.... How many of us day to day go out and make sacrifices for the ones we love, or for yourselves to make it better for yourself? Life is all about the.....

SACRIFICES.....

WHY CRY???

Why cry for someone that will never cry for me?
Why cry when it seems to never make a mends to the problem?
Why cry when you know that the pain will remain?
Why cry after it is all said and done you can't undo the done?
Why cry for love that was never meant to be, for if it was they
would not leave you?
Why cry for yourself, is this satisfaction or the healing process?
Why cry for a broken heart, you will mend and be loved again?
Why cry if you know that the tears will never be seen?
Why cry when we get hurt is it to ease the pain?
Why cry for a love that is never going to return but when it was
there it felt so right?

Who cares if you cry, it is human nature and you have to let it
out, go ahead and cry this shows that you are humble and that
you have emotions. That is not a weakness but yet a strength.
Have you ever asked yourself why cry for any of these reasons?
I can tell you this, these are all the reasons....

WHY I CRY......

Simple Things....

You ever wonder what is meant by the saying simple things??? What are the simple things in life? I know that all I wanted was the simple things and that person could not give them to me... He wanted everything from me and in return nothing for me. But that is not the reason I write this one today I write this one to let him know that it is ok.. You wanted more than you said, but in the end you wanted to be alone... You know that you are never going to be content in a relationship until you close all of your open books.... You have a lot to bring to the table but you are not yet man enough nor ready to cut off the loose ends. That is all right I was ready for you and you weren't ready for anything but yourself, you are selfish and don't care about anything and right now I see you being alone for along time... What goes around comes around and I should have known better than to step up to the plate and try to hit a home run with you as the pitcher.. You threw me a curve ball and then a slider and now damn, it hurts but I will go on. Just to let you know there are no hard feelings I chose to leave because I had feelings and you didn't, I can't cry over someone that won't cry for me. I know that when I said I love you I meant it, regardless of what you thought you were saying when you said it to me it is not the issue. Keep doing you and make sure that you are happy. Remember that you told me you changed from the kid that used to run the streets, do I know this to be fact, no. I see the same old person from Germany that thought he was a playa, but go head and do that damn thing if that is what makes you happy. Keep it real with yourself and you will never have to worry about the truth hiding in the dark. Holla at me and you will know what it means to want....

SIMPLE THINGS..........

Role Model....

Can I be that someone that you look to when everything else fails you? I want to be your, example, trend and limitation setter. There are limits to everything we do, so don't get that twisted. I want to be the one that is your hero, cause you are mine. I want to know that when you get older or mature that you take some of my good values, I don't want you to be like me, cause you are you for a reason. Originality, that is what makes people unique and also envious, please do not envy me, just look to me to guide you in the right direction. Someone that helps you accomplish your dreams and expectations. Is it easy to be a role model, no and yes. We are all role models to someone rather we know it or not, someone always looks up to you. So think about that the next time you think of doing something out of character or just plain stupid. Who is your role model....? Can I be your...

ROLE MODEL..................

A Brief Moment...

Wish for just a brief moment I would be able to talk to you and you would listen.
For just a brief moment you would actually care what it is I had to say
For just a brief moment you knew how to make the world go away
For just a brief moment I thought I heard you say you want me to stay
For just a brief moment I wish that it was in your arms where I lay
For just a brief moment I want everything to go back to the old way
For just a brief moment I thought you said this would be my day
For just a brief moment I know I heard you say that this is all a game we play
For just a brief moment can I tell you everything I was scared to before
For just a brief moment I want to sneak away and just be in tuned to you
For just a brief moment can you try and act like I mean more than anything else to you
For just a brief moment I know I saw that look of what used to be love
For just a brief moment you held me like you used to do
For just a brief moment that is all I really want can you spare a moment with me??
I never thought that I would want just a brief moment but when you lose everything you love it hurts and you would do anything to get them back if for only....

A BRIEF MOMENT.....

Kiyara

Something I never thought I would have
A baby girl to say the least a superstar
So unique in all your aspects, how can anyone compete
You made me into an adult and made my life complete
You are beauty, in it's truest form
My world is but a a doorway to your life
You are going to be so much more than world is even ready for
Baby, you inspire me and I want you to know that it is you I adore
Keep your grace and remember that you are worth more
You are a superstar, show stopper and demand an encore

This is all for you the one that makes my life worth living. I hope that I will be everything that a mother is supposed to be for their daughter. I love you Bookie, I miss you so much mami... You are everything and then some, you are.......

KIYARA....

This is Me...

How do you view me? How does the world view you? Do we really care? I know that I do to an extent but then on the other hand no I don't. If you can't handle the truth don't ask the question. Be real, up front and to the point, blunt. That is me, I like to say what I mean and mean what I say. I have come to find that people respect me more when you get straight down to it and don't beat around the bush. We know that we some times tend to lie so not to hurt someone but if they find out anyways it hurts more in the end. It is going to hurt regardless, so just get it over with in the beginning. Like people trying to cheat be playa's, pimp's or whatever you want to call it. It all comes back and you should have left that person before stepping out on them, but I guess you are not man or woman enough to deal with the loss... Games or what we did as children so tell me why you can say that you are grown and still play damn games? Likely excuse you are a child at heart.... Right? I think that I have made it thus far for being me true, raw, emotions on the sleeve, original and out right blunt, ask and I will answer you with nothing but the truth. I love with no regrets and help out anyone, no one is better than me and I am no better than the next. This is me, everything I am is do to you and people like you... Who is this to? That is what you want to know, but if you think that this pertains to you then it probably does. If you don't like me then you need not worry I don't care. Oh ya,

THIS IS ME.......

DW

This one goes to out to someone that I still think about and maybe he knows, or not, but you must know by now... That my love has never stopped. What can I say I love you in some many ways. I know that it may be wrong but I have to be strong and let you know that you are a constantly on my mind. I miss everything that we used to be... I know that, that was then and this is now. I am glad that we had what we did. You made me a better person, and for that I thank you. Remember, to take what you can from a broken relationship and move on with the good. There is always something that you can take from a relationship, you just happened to give me fuel to my fire. I was strong from being hurt from Q, but you made me stronger, knowing that nothing is guaranteed. You are a great person and I hope that your mother is doing good, your sister and the new baby are doing well, I hope. Just remember that I will always be your friend contrary to popular belief. Keep your head up and glad that you are going drill that is what you wanted so do that and keep up the fire... You have done well thus far you will meet the right one soon. Get at me if you ever need anything. Remember, that when you point the finger or do dirt there are three pointing back at you. I am doing this one for.....

DW (Will)......

Allow Myself....

Will I ever be able to allow myself, to just let go? Do you allow yourself to be free? I think about the things I have been through the trials and tribulations my family and friends have been through. I wonder, will all of this make me analyze the world differently and make it so that I hesitate to allow myself to be loved? Maybe, I will never allow myself the simple joy of saying hello for the first time and knowing that this is the beginning and not the ending. Do you allow yourself the feeling of bliss when you just had your first kiss with that special someone or do you like so many of us do try to hide your feelings and cut off your emotions. We need to learn how to allow ourselves these simple pleasures in life. We go through life always wanting acceptance from our peers but you need to know that you will never be happy living your life to impress others. You need to allow yourself to be yourself and forget about the rest of the world, be happy... I have come to allow myself the courage to share this page with friends and everyone else who wants to read it.. I wish I would have learned to allow myself to open up more to my friends and family in the past, maybe things would be different. Things are the way they are for a reason and you can only make a difference to the present and the future. It's all what you make of it. So are you going to allow yourself everything??? How about we just learn to allow ourselves something that makes us happy with out the feeling of regret, remorse, or guilt..? Try that one on for size, allow yourself like I am about to start allowing myself to love with all my heart and not fear the un-mentionable.. I am going to allow myself to see everything for what it is and allow myself to appreciate all that life has to offer.... To my friends of now, then and future continue to remind me to allow myself to enjoy life, I will do it for you.. My family, I apologize now for not knowing how to......

ALLOW MYSELF.....

Too Shady.....

Damn, the things that people do or say to turn friends against each other.. I know now that I have some good friends that don't listen to BS.... People are unhappy with their lives or themselves so they try to make everyone else unhappy around them.. Damn, yo, get a clue, this is not that serious. The best thing for you to do which my friend did is go to the source and ask plain and simple what happened. Squash it. Sometimes people can really be ugly they smile in your face but really they just want to take your place, you know "backstabber's"... (Smile) I had to get at this one, because do to popular belief they are out there. Keep being great friends and if you got an issue work it out. I will never say, do, or act out of character and deny it if I wasn't going to tell you to your face. Remember, that we all need good friends to rely, trust and confide in.... Keep it real with me and I will definitely keep it real with you, always. Just don't let yourself be the one that is being....

TOO SHADY....

Words to a Ghost Love

Where are you? Gone, or did you ever really exist? My love for you was so strong, yet you denied it and left me alone and sad. The funny thing is I still feel your presence, I know that you are here somewhere.... Why can't I find you? Do I need you? No, but, it would be nice to be with you again. Why when you did me wrong I accepted your apology and took you back with open arms. However, when I stepped out of character one time, you leave me forever? Is this right, can you tell me that you don't love me? Did you ever really love me? I know that we are all just human and prone to make mistakes, and forgiving is the key and learning from that is the answer. You can make a mistake and be forgiven this is your chance at redeeming yourself... I gave you the chance over and over again, my love, but you somehow felt it necessary not to allow me the opportunity to redeem myself. Once, I felt your love and the tenderness in your touch and the concern in your voice. How could this just have been made up? Was I imagining all of this? I hope not, just because you went away, doesn't mean that you changed in my heart. You were perfect to me, all your imperfections were cute to me, and is what made you, you. I miss your smile and the way your voice sounded on the phone when you were worried about me. I want to be the one that you tell you love and the one that you come home to at night. Where are you? Oh, yes this is just my imagination running array.
Remember we all have ghost loves, they are someone that is perfect that we lost, never had, or just will always want... Who is your ghost love and how do your words sound, similar?
If you get this or you are out there and some how hear this. These are my...

WORDS TO A GHOST LOVE.....

Where I Wanna Be....

Today, I sit and think, is this where I wanna be? Are you where you wanna be? Can you honestly say this is where you wanna be? No, I know this is not where I wanna be, I know that I am young still and have so much left to learn. I am here waiting, willing, yearning to be your student, teach me everything you know I will be a sponge to your knowledge and absorb everything you want to share with me. On the other hand, I don't know if with you is where I wanna be, to me you have prior engagements not including me or a hidden agenda. How cliche' that would be for me to say that I trust you when I know there is doubt lingering there. I need to find out where I wanna be I know that I want you, I don't want to hurt you and I definitely don't want to lose you. Would you be willing to allow me the ample time to see where I wanna be? I know that this is a hard question, but I love you and I don't want to hurt you by staying with you and me being unhappy and in turn making the feeling mutual. Can you let me go without letting go? I don't want to lose you like I said before but I am afraid that if I don't do this now I will lose you all together. This is a hard decision and I know that you may think that I am running away since I don't know what it is like when you find something that doesn't want to use or hurt you... I need to find me, forgive myself and forgive him, before I can love me and allow myself to be loved. You can never truly love or be loved until you have forgiven yourself and the person that did you wrong and then look at yourself and love what you see. It is hard to say this but, I need to know.....

WHERE I WANNA BE.......